student motherhood

Student Motherhood: Guest Post by Emily Duff

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Hello,

I am collecting stories of student motherhood, to normalise the experience and to help new student mums (whether at school, college, university or later in life), feel that the struggles they go through are normal; something I think I’d have benefited from in my own experiences. Therefore, I am reaching out and asking for help – if you are/were a student mum – or dad! – then please contact me, I would love to hear your story, and share it if you’ll let me.

This story was kindly sent to me by Emily Duff of JAE Consultancy.

Introduce yourself:

Hi I’m Emily, and at 21 years old I found myself a student and an unexpected first-time mum. I now have a beautiful 4-year-old son and run my own marketing business specialising in social media and blog writing for small businesses. I started my agency, JAE Consultancy, in 2018 to give me the opportunity to make the most of both the parenting and working worlds. In between managing clients’ social media accounts, cooking dinner and participating in my son’s school’s PTA, I love to write creatively and binge watch one too many Netflix series!

How did you feel finding out you were pregnant? What were the circumstances?

I was in my first year of University studying for a degree in English Language with a minor in Creative Writing, and at the start of my second semester I found out unexpectedly I was 5 months pregnant. I had no bump, no sickness, and any tiredness I had put down to being a full-time student whilst working. To say it was a shock was an understatement! Many people didn’t believe I was pregnant at first as it wasn’t visible, and I have to say I totally milked the opportunity to eat snacks in my 3-hour-long lectures.

What was your pregnancy like? Were there any highlight moments or struggles? How did you cope?

From the day of finding out I was pregnant to the day I gave birth was 13 weeks. I had to sort out maternity leave from my part-time job at a coffee shop, sitting my university exams and buying everything needed for a baby in that short time, plus deal with my body’s changes. My partner and I luckily had a steady roof over our heads and we both had worked and saved money, so we were able to get everything we needed in time, but it was a struggle to juggle family, university and work while heavily pregnant. I managed to sit my exam on a Friday, and went into labour on the Saturday, so everything worked out ok in the end!.

The first weeks of motherhood, what were they like?

I was very fortunate in that my son’s birth was uncomplicated and he took to breast feeding without any problems, and although the first few weeks of motherhood seemed a blur, they were filled with happy moments and just an overwhelming sense of calm and achievement. I was on a long summer break from university, and on paid maternity leave, so I really enjoyed having 24/7 bonding time with my tiny baby.

Going back to study; did you want to? How did you feel? How did you juggle everything?

I made an unusual choice in going back to studying straight away, rather than deferring for a year. It meant that my son was just 4 months old, and we had to place him with a local childminder. That in itself was a heart wrench, but we had found an amazing woman who exceeded my expectations with how she looked after my son. In fact, she’s now considered part of the family and he cannot remember life without her.

My university timetable meant that I was on site 2 days a week, and could study from home the other days. This worked out amazingly as I could spend more time at home with my baby rather than forking out for full-time childcare. I must say my second year at university was a lot easier than my third – having a child under one and writing essays is a lot easier than having a 2 year old on the move while writing a dissertation!

Of course there were days when I just wanted to be at home with my son, and I did miss out on some special moments such as his first trip to a beach, but luckily the communication between the childminder and myself meant that my son was never without and he had a very supportive and enjoyable time with all of us.

The hardest thing about being a mum at university was missing out on the social aspects. A lot of the events associated with the Creative Writing side of my degree were in the evenings, which meant I missed a lot of outings. However, my lecturers and fellow students really embraced my son, and so we sneaked him into a lot of social events such as poetry readings and Christmas parties.

Where are you now in your life/studies? Do you have any plans for the future?

I graduated with a 2:1 degree (Hons) in English Language with a minor in Creative Writing in 2016 when my son was just 2 years old. I am really glad I continued with my degree and saw it through to the end when my son was so young, as it meant I was able to get a steady graduate job and income by the time he was aware and at nursery. I would love to be able to do a Masters Degree in the future, but as I’m undecided in my topic choice it is on hold at the moment.

Lastly, do you have any advice for student mums/dads?

I always get asked how I did it, and I have to say that being in a routine was fundamental to me studying and being a parent. My son’s routine did not change; he had set meal times, nap times and bed times regardless of if he was with me or the childminder, and having these time routines meant I had time to do parent things as well as to study.

On the days my son was at the childminder’s, I maximised my hours at university by spending spare hours in the library, getting ahead with reading and starting assignments so nothing was left to a typical student last-minute rush.

The best thing to do is to show your child that you can achieve anything you set your mind to through hard work and dedication, and I think any student mum or dad shows this in the most remarkable and inspiring way.

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Emily Duff is a millennial who grew up around social media and technology. She launched JAE Consultancy in January 2018 to help small businesses get their social media profiles off the ground. Based on her son’s initials, JAE Consultancy has a personal approach that makes individuals feel at ease at the beginning of their business journeys. Emily strives to achieve excellence in everything she does for her clients, and loves seeing people succeed in their own companies.  

Emily can be contacted via the links below:

Student Motherhood and Me; Guest Post: Diane Watt

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Hello,

I am collecting stories of student motherhood, to normalise the experience and to help new student mums (whether at school, college, university or later in life), feel that the struggles they go through are normal; something I think I’d have benefited from in my own experiences. Therefore, I am reaching out and asking for help – if you are/were a student mum – or dad! – then please contact me, I would love to hear your story, and share it if you’ll let me.

A huge thank you to Diane who I met with her lovely children a few weeks ago. She, like me lived in Portsmouth and graduated from the University of Portsmouth and is now working on her own small business. 

Without further ado, here is her Q&A about student mum life: 

Introduce yourself:

I’m Diane, a mum of three to Kaiya, 7, Skye, 4 and Lennox also 4 (that’s right – double trouble!). I was born in Zimbabwe, and spent 10 years in Portsmouth, where I met my partner and had my three beautiful children. I now live in the Helensburgh, a beautiful town on the west coast of Scotland.

How did you feel finding out you were pregnant? What were the circumstances?

I found out I was pregnant in the summer after my first year of university was complete. It was a HUGE shock as it wasn’t planned. I remember crying in Asda toilets after taking a test as I hadn’t had my period that day. It sounds strange to even think about a test so early on but I could set my clock by my cycles, so had a feeling something wasn’t right. I had been dating my boyfriend at the time for a year and a half, he was in the navy so was constantly away and my family lived in other towns and cities and I still lived in a shared house with my uni mates. It was very daunting and scary trying to figure out living arrangements and how to get organised for this little bundle arriving in a few months. I had to figure out what to do with my studies. I decided to continue with my course up until 2 weeks before my due date. My course tutor was incredibly supportive in terms of extra tutor time to help me getting projects completed and allowing access to the studio earlier and later than scheduled times.

What was your pregnancy like? Were there any highlight moments or struggles? How did you cope?

I found the beginning of my pregnancy very difficult. Morning sickness took over and I could hardly eat in the first few months. I was tired all the time; I think trying to juggle a part time job (I was working up to 24 hrs a week) and university may have played a part in exhaustion too! My second trimester was more enjoyable, I had more energy and I discovered a lovely aquanatal class at my local leisure centre. I met my first group of mum friends and their support was invaluable! My partner was away for weeks at at time, so having friends going through pregnancy at similar stages  and for support was comforting. I managed to complete my second year of university 3 weeks before my due date. I found it so challenging; with morning sickness, tiredness, fainting in the studio and waddling in the library to complete my dissertation. I found that I was judged a lot, heavily pregnant, you do really stand out.

The first weeks of motherhood, what were they like?

Meeting my daughter Kaiya for the first time was incredible. I really enjoyed bonding and breastfeeding. Although I had made new mum friends, I did find it rather difficult with my friends; Some distanced themselves from me because I wasn’t the party girl going to student nights out. I had responsibility and someone who depends on me so I had to change my life and grow up. I think in my head I didn’t expect relationships to change but looking back, my real friends were right by my side through every stage.

Going back to study; did you want to? How did you feel? How did you juggle everything?

I went back to finish my last semester when Kaiya was 7 months old. I was really overwhelmed going back because everything was new, even though I knew the building and the tutors, I didn’t know anyone in the class. With everyone in their solid friendships of almost 3 years, I felt  very alone. I would often have lunch on my own in the studio while everyone was out. It would give me a chance to get more work done but I couldn’t help but feel left out. I found leaving Kaiya incredibly hard. I was still breastfeeding her so I would sometimes have to go to the nursery to feed her. She was in nursery 8 til 6, which is such a long time to leave her and I missed her terribly. I knew I only had to get through the next few months and work as hard as I can to finish. I had made a promise to myself that I would complete my degree and that’s what I did. Taking Kaiya to my graduation was one of the proudest moments of my life. I graduated with a BA Hons Fashion and Textiles with design and enterprise.

Where are you now in your life/studies? Do you have any plans for the future?

I have recently started a business working from home doing clothing alterations and sewing commissions. I’m working towards offering sewing classes in the future and helping to organise a design workshops with a fashion show at my children’s school. Further down the line I aspire to create a childrenswear brand, offering vintage inspired bespoke clothing.

Lastly, do you have any advice for student mums/dads?

My advice would be, take help whenever it’s offered. I can understand people feel the pressure to ‘do it all’. Its so easy to get stressed and worked up, you’ll be far more productive when you have more time on your hands, you’re less stressed and you’re well rested.

Thank’s for reading – please reach out if you have a story you’d like to share! 

Xox

R

Student Motherhood & Me: Guest Post by The MummyBou Chronicles

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Hello,

I am collecting stories of student motherhood, to normalise the experience and to help new student mums (whether at school, college, university or later in life), feel that the struggles they go through are normal; something I think I’d have benefited from in my own experiences. Therefore, I am reaching out and asking for help – if you are/were a student mum – or dad! – then please contact me, I would love to hear your story, and share it if you’ll let me.

A huge thank you to Michaela, my first guest in this venture. Michaela has a fantastic blog called The MummyBou Chronicles where she blogs about motherhood, student motherhood, travel and much more. Once you’re done here, go check out her blog!

Without further ado, here is her Q&A about student mum life: 

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Introduce yourself :

I’m Michaela, I’m a 28-year-old mum to Mayarna and wife to be to OJ. I live in a little town called Huddersfield and I have my own Events Management business called MJM Events Management. I have recently become an Independent Usborne Organiser and run Michaela’s Magical World of Tales.

How did you feel finding out you were pregnant? What were the circumstances?

I was over the moon to find out I was pregnant! Me and OJ had thought about trying, not realising I was already pregnant when we started (haha!). I had been out for a couples dinner and something told me the next morning to do a test. It was positive but I didn’t believe it until I went to the Doctors 2 weeks later. I had wanted to be a mum for as long as I can remember, so finding out I was pregnant was amazing news not just for me but OJ and both our families.

What was your pregnancy like? Were there any highlight moments or struggles? How did you cope?

My pregnancy was straightforward until roughly 6 months. I got pelvic girdle pain which was where my nerves were getting trapped from the pressure of my baby and my bones were pushing against each other. Some days I would seize up and couldn’t get out of bed. I was given a crutch to help me walk in the end of my pregnancy as it started to get bad. Plus it was winter time so the cold did not help.

But I loved my bump and I loved feeling my princess growing inside me and her kicks getting stronger each day. I also loved seeing her on the scans. That was awesome! Me and OJ were amazed every time to see just how active she was.

The first weeks of motherhood, what were they like?

The first weeks of motherhood were overwhelmingly emotional.

I knew I’d be tired but I felt like I’d been hit by a truck! I was absolutely drained, loss of appetite and felt very tender. Plus I was breastfeeding and my breast were super tender. I felt like I wasn’t coping at all and cried for nearly every day in the first month. I was overwhelmed by everything; my birth was long and tiring and I didn’t sleep for a week afterwards as I kept thinking about it and crying. But I had excellent support from OJ, my parents and my siblings and also my health visitor who was fantastic.

Going back to study; did you want to? How did you feel? How did you juggle everything?

In regards to studying, I decided I wanted to get my degree in Events Management so I could gain more experience in Events and open my own business. I started a distant learning online Access course whilst I was pregnant and took a 2 month break when I had my little girl. But it was overwhelming! The course was super hard and it was stressing me out. I recently realised that I don’t  need a degree to open my own business (the main reason I was going to university). I gave up my access course and I am now studying an online Start Your Own Business course which is perfect. I study for 2 hours a day when Mayarna sleeps and it’s so much more relaxed. Once I complete that I will do an online Events course instead which will be so much more suitable for me. Studying with a baby is difficult and I recommend having a good support system or time management skills because it is very easy to fall behind, as I know too well!

Where are you now in your life/studies? Do you have any plans for the future?

My future plans are to complete my studies and focus on building my business up. It’s not easy but I do it for my family and to carry out my dream.

Thank’s for reading – please reach out if you have a story you’d like to share! 

Xox

R

Student Motherhood & Me

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Hello,

I want to collect stories of student motherhood, to normalise the experience and to help new student mums (whether at school, college, university or later in life), feel that the struggles they go through are normal; something I think I’d have benefited from in my own experiences. Therefore, I am reaching out and asking for help – if you are/were a student mum – or dad! – then please contact me, I would love to hear your story, and share it if you’ll let me.

It seems only fitting then, that I should be the first person to share on here, but I do hope that this will grow into something much bigger than me, and my story.

Introduce yourself:

My name is Rohana and I am a stay at home mum to a beautiful boy born just a few weeks before I began my last year of university. I have an amazing husband who’s in the Navy, I am a yoga teacher and I have a degree in International Relations and Politics.

How did you feel finding out you were pregnant? What were the circumstances?

I found out I was pregnant on a Sunday afternoon before teaching a yoga class. I already had a feeling that I was, but I ordered a pack of tests on Amazon, and took 2 into the bathroom with me. When I found out I was shaking; my housemate was in my room with my fiancé (now husband) so I waited for her to leave before going in.

I was scared. I felt like everything I knew was crumbling away… so I ignored it temporarily, taught my yoga classes and then walked home with my fiancé (aka H).

My circumstances were not ideal, H is in the Navy and was moving away 2 months later and I was in the middle of my degree.

What was your pregnancy like? Were there any highlight moments or struggles? How did you cope?

I think overall my pregnancy was pretty great. My first trimester flew by because of university assignments and wedding planning – once we had decided that we were going to brave the idea of having a baby and keep going at the pace we were, H suggested that we bring forward our wedding. We had hoped to get married after I graduated, but he knew how important it was to me that we got married before having kids. We got married in January, just before he moved away.

I had a lot of support from friends and family (once the shock settled), which made me feel stronger about my situation. That said, I also had a lot of criticism too; many people thought I was crazy, and many people said I’d never cope. The truth was that I did feel crazy, but I was determined not to doubt myself.

The most scary part was when I was 12 weeks pregnant and we had a mini car accident and I bled for 2 days.

The hardest part was the disconnect H and I had, because we were living very separate lives, and though time together was lovely, there was a lack of understanding between us. This of course was nobody’s fault, but I think he’ll agree was a significant struggle for us.

The best part was my yoga practice and the relationship I had with my body; because it wasn’t just me, I took much better care of myself than I had previously. I would practice Hatha yoga and meditate regularly, and I ate really well (after the first trimester anyway!).

The first weeks of motherhood, what were they like?

My birth experience was a good one but honestly, I can’t really remember much of the first weeks. The first 5 days I was in hospital due to a vaginal haematoma and unable to do very much. Once out of hospital, I had 1 day with H before he left to go back to work. I chose to breastfeed but the first month was a real struggle and I did consider switching to formula on some days where my son cluster-fed; now I look back and am glad I kept going, but I am also a lot more informed about babies feeding habits.

I had a lot of support and was lucky enough to be living at my parents house so I didn’t have to worry about cooking or household things; it was me and my son 100%. I got more confident as the weeks went by – and as he got bigger!

I didn’t always follow the advice of “sleep when the baby sleeps” even when I had the opportunities. If I could go back, this is probably the only thing I’d do differently.

Going back to study; did you want to? How did you feel? How did you juggle everything?

Initially, the days I was in hospital, I thought I would not go back to uni. I had baby blues and felt like I couldn’t cope. 5 weeks later though, I was packing and my dad was booked on the flight with me to stay a couple of days and help me settle.

I was nervous, excited, scared. I definitely wanted to be studying, but a part of me also wished I wasn’t, because it did feel like a lot of pressure.

I had Theo in a cot at the start, but we soon began co-sleeping full-time. Mostly, I found baby and studying to be exhausting – I loved being back at uni and learning, but I couldn’t fully participate or prepare for every lecture/seminar because I had other things to do. I napped when I could, and looking back, I know that it was so much easier with a tiny baby versus having an older baby/toddler because at least he slept more, and if he didn’t, at least he stayed still! I would read seminar material out loud, or discuss my assignments with him, using the conversation as a sounding board. Admittedly, maybe nursery rhymes and kids stories were more appropriate that discussions about NGOs and political economy, but he didn’t mind, and it allowed me to get my work done.

Later on in the year it became more difficult, as Theo Prana wanted to interact with my friends and lecturers and be involved with classes, but everyone was very supportive. My friends (and parents when they visited) babysat if I needed them too. I taught a weekly yoga class so they helped then too. My tutors were also very understanding about absences, and my personal tutor gave me the necessary pep-talks to keep me going. H was deployed in the last few months so he couldn’t be down, but it meant that he got time with us when he was back (and I was assignment free!)

The last month; dissertation month, I was blessed with a vacancy in the university nursery for Theo, so he attended 4 half-day sessions of nursery which allowed me to get on top of deadlines, finish my dissertation (with my mum proof-reading everything as well), and pack to move out of my flat.

When I went back I never thought I would make it to the end, I thought I’d quit by my 8-week grace period… but I didn’t and I know now, having made it out the other side, that it was worth the hard work and exhaustion.

Where are you now in your life/studies? Do you have any plans for the future?

Right now I am taking a break from studying. I am living with my husband for the first time in our relationship, and we are focusing on building the foundations of our home and family. I am doing self-study yoga courses and I am keeping myself busy, but I am not ready to go back to a university setting. I do hope to in the future at some point.

I have future plans, but nothing concrete; I’ve picked up my camera again, I am focusing on my yoga and I am taking some time to ‘just be’ without planning too far ahead. Eventually, things will fall into place anyway, so I want to make the most of being a stay at home mum now, and enjoy my growing boy.

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Thank you for reading,

If you are/have been a student mum, or know anyone who is/has, please reach out and hopefully we can build this up.

Xoxo

R