reading

World Book Day Doula Reading Rec’s

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

In this day and age, when we have so much information on our phones and computers, do we really need a post talking about what books to read when pregnant?

I’d argue, that because of the fact we have so much information at our fingertips, it is even more important that posts like this exist.

So, if you are pregnant, here’s my doula-y advice on what to read.

  • A feel good, make you laugh novel – whatever looks great, pick it up at the charity shop, or treat yourself in waterstones. Get a book that cracks you up, read it, love it, read it again!
  • A book that makes you cry – in the best, wholesome, I’m so deeply attached to the characters and their story kind of way. If it’s a series, even better – binge them!
  • A love story – not smutt, though of course, go for that too if you fancy it – but I’m talking about a Wuthering Heights, or It Ends With Us kind of energy.

And once you’re done with those … then pick up the birthy books.

Because your whole life is about to tailspin, where it’s so easy to consume all things birth and parenting, and entirely forget to read for joy and laughter too. Reading books is one of the best ways to support a generation of readers, and if you do it while pregnant, you’ll (hopefully) keep reading, albeit less initially, while your babies grow.

Birthy books I’d recommend – honestly, take this with a large spoonful of salt, because while books are great, during pregnancy, I genuinely believe the best education comes from community.

  • Placenta – The Forgotten Chakra
  • The Oxytocin Factor
  • Birthing From Within

Parenting Books I’d say are worth it in the first year –

  • Let them Eat Dirt – B Brett Finlay & Marie-Claire Arrieta
  • Playful Parenting – Lawrence J Cohen
  • Extraordinary Parenting – Eloise Rickman

There’s many more. I’ve read some great books in the last few years that have shifted so much of the way I look at our bodies, our society, our children. These are important conversations, and if you really want to dig deep into it, do so. But be careful not to spiral. Don’t learn so much that your brain takes over and your body is put on mute. Don’t try to get it right or perfect so hard that you end up shaming yourself when human nature kicks in and things change.

There is no right or wrong birth. There is no perfect book that will tell you all the things you’re wondering. But there are many books that will help, and many that will allow you to travel the world from the comfort of your sofa – which is as important if not more so than squishing facts into your brain.

Learn from people, in person, in conversation, in community. Indulge in books. Because reading should be for pleasure as much as anything.

As ever, with love,

Rohana x

Self study, dopamine and why I’m not worrying that my kid can’t read yet.

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

I’m currently taking a Chinese medicine course, all about Traditional Chinese Medicine in relation to women’s health.

When I read about it before buying, it sounded fascinating.

Now, taking it, I’m really struggling to understand anything, and as a result, I’m putting off the study. There’s so no dopamine hit at completing units because I think I’ve understood it, and then realise I’m still very confused.

I’m learning about myself as I go though, because nobody is making me do the course. I could quit. Nobody would hold me accountable, and yet, I’m continuing – at snails pace – knowing that if I keep at it, by the end, things should fall into place and I’ll understand.

I’ve got pieces of the puzzle, but not the big picture yet.

As I watch this unfold in my own life, I’m also reflecting on our home education styles and where my children are at. P is 6 and he isn’t reading or writing yet, he can recognise letters, and even some words, though will often choose to say he doesnt know. A is 3 and showing a bit more interest in writing letters, though only on her terms. If corrected, she gets upset.

They are both at different stages, both with different pieces of the puzzle.

P doesn’t get a dopamine hit from reading or writing in the same way he does from science experiments or inventing. A gets more joy from writing, but she also gets frustrated quickly. She loves making up pictures and will come tell me about them, and the delight in her sharing is something I am determined to preserve. To me, it isn’t worth pushing anything more that that, because I trust that it will all come in time.

If they were schooled, in this country (UK) generally, most kids are expected to have at least started on the writing and reading path by the age of 6 (earlier for many). If not, they’re the B word – behind! The pressure put on young children to write and read is immense, and I’m not immune to seeing others children and worrying about if I should push mine more. That said, even when I do worry, I come back to a place of trust, unpicking my own feelings of being ‘behind’ or not performing well enough when I was in school. This is the beauty of our choice to unschool – a label I’ve become more and more comfortable with adopting recently.

As I reflect on my course and study, I know that as an adult, I understand the long game and benefits of continuing even when it feels hard. The ability to delay gratification is a skill I work on, and in this case am leaning into. I can see that eventually the pieces will come together; and I’m giving myself permission to take it slow but also not give up.

As I watch my kids, especially P, I see this kind of grit and motivation when they do things that come from a place of pure love. When they build or draw or tell a story, or even climb a tree; and they fall or it goes wrong but they get back to trying, slower, learning, more cautious yet determined.

It is something so easily missed if not looking, but once you see it, the intrinsic motivation in our children is a beautiful expression of their humanity. The drive to accomplished something, not for a sticker or praise, but for the genuine love of it – it’s in all of us, stamped out by instant gratification systems and manipulative rewards.

I am learning to slow down more, lean in to the long game.

They don’t need to learn it; they already know it, innately.

When P turns to me and says, I want to read, I’ll be ready. When A asks, it’ll be the same. Maybe I’ll get the bonus joy of them wanting to do it together, a joint learning adventure.

Until then, I’m not worrying too much. I’ll learn for my own joy, and we’ll listen to audiobooks and read stories from the bookshelves. We’ll play and dance and take the pressure off… and maybe by the time I finish this course, I’ll be better equipped with new resources anyway.

As ever, thanks for reading.

With love, and a reminder that nomatter what, you are enough,

Rohana x

As they grow and develop their skills and understanding, more puzzle pieces fit into place. They’ll start to find more joy and less frustration and they’ll choose to both read and write for fun in their own time.