parenting

#Mumlife isn’t easy…

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Finding inspiration to write is not always easy, not is it easy to find time when a good idea hits. These past couple of weeks I have had several “I could do a blog post about that” moments, but inevitably the time passes and I haven’t managed to open up my laptop. Add on to that the fact that TP is extremely possessive of my phone when it is out, these moments pass.

Thinking about that though, about how fleeting moments are, and about how quickly time slips away, is itself, something to share. Recently this has come up a lot for me; the hours and days we wish away. At 27 weeks pregnant now, with a 25 month old, I will be the first to admit that I take a lot of it for granted. I ‘just know’ that tomorrow we can make up for today, or that after nap-time we can do something fun, or that the weather will be better next week for us to go out walking more. I assume that I will continue to be able to run around after my son, and pick him up, throw him around and let him ride ‘monkey’ on my back down the stairs. He sits on my belly and we joke he is sitting on his sister as he climbs onto my shoulders.

On the other side of it though, are the long hours where I thank god and the BBC for Mr Tumble and let TP sit through many, many episodes just so I can eat and cook and do the washing and check my email and maybe if I’m lucky go to the loo before he gets up and demands attention. There are 5am starts and 10pm bedtimes, the food strikes or tantrums for anything other than marshmallows, the milk hunger to the point my nipples feel they might fall off, and the hitting and biting that is his current method of expressing upset and anger. These are moments that I want to pass quickly, because staying present and accepting is hard, it’s easier to wish the hour away and want to ‘move on’ to the next thing on our schedule.

Yet these are also the moments I think back on with a wry smile, because the cuddles and healing that happen after are often the best hugs and cutest conversations. So why do I wish them away?

Because I am tired.

Because I am embarrassed.

Because they make me feel like I am raising a ‘trouble’ child.

Because accepting and dealing with the harder minutes is not easy. Parenthood is not easy.

But it is worth it.

A Childhood Memory

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Recently a friend asked me to think back to one childhood memory that stood out. No thinking, just do it.

I urge you try.

What did you come up with?

Was it something Happy? Exciting? Sad? Angry? Shameful?

My memory was a happy one, one that brought a smile to my lips. This was actually the reason my friend had asked to me to think back, to remind me that even though life seems hard sometimes, overall, my life has been pretty damn amazing.

It got me thinking about how much our childhood influences the way we raise our children. If you had a perfectly happy childhood, you try and replicate the same for your kids. Similarly, studies suggest that people who were raised in unhappy households tend to pass on this cycle to their children. Most of us are somewhere in the middle, with good bits and bad bits; with the hope that the good outweighs the bad, the happiness is prominent than the sadness.

But, as Alfie Kohn points out:

To get better at the craft of raising children, we need to be open to seeing what’s unpleasant in order to evaluate what our parents did right and where we might be able to improve on their approach.

We learn from the way we were parented and pass it on, or we take what we have learned and adapt it.

My memory was catching butterflies. This is what I wrote when I thought about it: 

We are walking around a field of sorts, it is not green, rather yellow-ish because of the warmth. It’s the 4 of us, with Sid and I holding nets and jars, I think they are empty at the moment; we are looking for butterflies. It’s a family outing. I remember feeling happy. 

Next thing I remember is the fascination of watching a butterfly, inside the jar we have, the one that is meant to be especially designed for them – now that I am older, I highly doubt this, but I remember believing it. The butterfly is sitting on a twig or something we have but inside the jar, it is colourful and beautiful. We admire it, and then let it go. it flies away and we keep walking.

This is one of my favourite memories, and I am sure it has very little to do with the butterflies and a lot to do with the fact it was a family trip. We did a lot of them and even though I know we squabbled, and were hungry or tired or both, I don’t remember those bits. The bits that stick are the feelings of warmth, of excitement and of joy; they are the kind of thing I want to pass on to my child. We learn from our parents and we better our own parenting from them; I’m pretty sure if we do that, then generations get better and we raise good people to keep the world running.

Thanks for reading,

Xoxo

R

Dear Mummy, on days parenting feels like a chore, remember this:

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Dear Mummy,

I can’t tell you yet, but I see how hard you are working. Some things I won’t understand for a long time, but I do understand that keeping me alive, healthy and happy is a tough job, so thank you.

I love you too. 

Some days are fantastic, some days are long, some days are happy and some days are sad. We have many different types of days together, but the work you do and love you give remains the same: thank you.

Dear Mummy, thank you for all the things you do that get unnoticed.

Thank you for keeping me safe at night, for cuddling me and for kindly waking me up in morning, for helping me changed to get ready for the day. Thank you for letting me choose my trousers, and the colour of my shirt. I like choosing my clothes for the day.

Thank you for feeding me breakfast, and understanding that maybe it is because I had a lot of dinner so I am not very hungry this morning. I know I seem difficult when I turn away from the food, but it’s only because I don’t know how else to tell you I’m full. Thank you for not forcing me to eat at mealtimes.

Thank you for taking the extra time so I can explore as we walk wherever we are going to. I like learning when we are outside.

Thank you for holding me while I nap. I know I am safe in your arms and lying next to you. Thank you for the cuddles when I wake up scared too.

Thank you for hugging me.

Thank you for playing with me

Thank you for reading to me.

Thank you for making bathtime and dinner fun.

Thank you for taking care of me even when your sick.

Thank you for looking after me when I am sick.

Thank you for being in my corner always.

Thank you mum…for everything.

I love you.

Life with a Toddler: Soft Play Mishaps

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Occurred March 4th

You know those moments when your toddler gets hurt and you know it’s partly your fault? I had a moment like that today with Theo in a soft play centre.

My tiny humans loves slides And usually the higher and faster, the better. So he went for it, with a little help we got to the top of the gym styled course and to the biggest slide. My friend and her daughter when down together, but Theo didn’t want to get on my lap, so, (foolishly) I didn’t force him. Instead, I sat down on the slide next to him and said we would go down together.

1, 2, 3, weeeeee….

Queue crying… queue loud, I’m in pain crying! He smacked the side of his face near the bottom.

The result: my kid now looks really roughed up.

This isn’t the first instance of bruising this week! He has tripped and fallen and been downright clumsy over the weekend, so this episode on the slide is just icing on the cake.

Oh and now he’s afraid of slides too.

My takeaway point: sometimes, as much as its great to let toddlers take charge during play, it’s also probably wise not to let them go down giant slides without sitting on your lap.

However, overall he is fine, so as much I feel guilty for not preventing the hurt, I also know he has learned a lot from it and will let me do it with him next time. We will tackle slides together another day and hopefully he will find the joy again.

Mummy

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

For all parents, our kids first words are special. For first time parents, I think it is even more so. We often can’t wait for our babies to reach milestones and speech is one of the big ones!

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I remember being pregnant and hearing a lady say that every time her wee grandson called her “granny” it made heart melt; for her, there was no purer joy. At the time, I thought it was very sweet, but I didn’t really understand.

Recently, my baby boy has found his voice and become extremely confident using it. He’s getting better and better at communicating and its incredible to see him change daily now. I don’t always understand what he says, or what he wants, but if I just stop, listen and watch, and actually breathe in the moments he is sharing with me, it is magical.

He’ll often say ‘mama mama’ as he plays with his toys; not calling me, just to himself. He’ll say “maymee” if he is talking on a pretend phonecall, or ‘toe tee tooo” if he counts 1,2,3. He has his own language entirely and understands more than I will ever realise. It is fascinating to watch. In the morning, he’ll babble or recently he requests to see Daddy’s video* to him on my phone; then we’ll play before getting out of bed.

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The newest word to his collection is “mummy”. Perfectly pronounced so it actually does sound the way it should. He says it often softly, when he needs me, or when he brings me a book to read to him. He also shouts it, especially when there is a lot going on, he wants to make sure he is heard. As he becomes more assertive, he’s started telling me “no, mummy no” when he doesn’t like something or feels I have done something unfair.

It is by no means easy, but it does feel special. I am mummy, with the superpower of making things better, the person to be mad at, the person to cry to, the person for food, drink, entertainment and comfort. Yet even when its exhausting, when he’s called constantly me and tantrumed all day, when he’s been attached to my hip and nursed non-stop, being mummy is beautiful.

Now, I understand what that lady meant when she spoke of the joy it brought her because now, I feel that joy every time my son asks for his mummy.

* Daddy is away currently but I have a video of him telling Theo that he loves him and is very excited to see him soon. A month ago, Theo would get angry and upset seeing it, so we didn’t watch it, but recently he’s been saying “dada” and “daddy” more, and he loves watching the video! I wouldn’t often advocate screen time before even getting out of bed, but right now, this is the best thing for us and it makes for a happier day.

Life lately

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

We are already in the middle February and I swear yesterday it was the beginning of summer 2018 – Where has the time gone?!

Since I haven’t kept up to date here much, this week I wanted to update you on my life lately; and the rollercoaster it has been. I finally feel like I am settling down again, and am getting comfortable in my home, the home that I have changed drastically in the last month. But that’s getting ahead of myself; for a proper update, I need to actually backtrack briefly to the end of last summer…

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Summer really did fly by, I picked up my camera and I started falling in love with photography again. It spurred my series of Fortnightly Photos that I posted here, though keeping them fortnightly towards the end proved harder than I had hoped. I have stopped that project now for a while, but have by no means put down the camera. As my joy with photography set off, I decided to offer it professionally – outdoor family/children’s portrait photography mostly, but I have been studying and learning about working within studio settings too, as well as abstract photography, travel and much more. I am not busy within this small business, but I love it, and I know that if it is meant to be, then clients will come. As long as I can provide the service with a genuine love for capturing people, then I will be happy to continue.

While doing this, I continued my online studying and by Christmas I had qualified with Warrior’s at Ease as a Level 1 Trauma Sensitive Yoga teacher to work within military communities. It is something I am extremely excited about offering in the near future but I am not quite there yet.

Moving back to Scotland, permanently this time was exciting and difficult. There was a lot of learning for H and I because we needed to find a balance between work, parenting, our marriage and having our own down time. There were many great moments and many fights, we aren’t perfect but after being apart so long, we both knew it would be hard work. Now, he’s on patrol, and won’t be back for some weeks yet, so we will have to go backwards a bit, and get used to life together again.

Family Photos pre-patrol (6)

We knew he was going, so I went home to my parents for Christmas and he went off to find Nemo!

Then the fun bit came… we went to a family wedding in Jakarta.

35 hours on 3 different flights, my parents, brother, cousin and 17 month old son made the trip. Poor Theo (my son) has been on more flights in his life than I think he’d ever care to think about! He is an absolute trooper. We arrived and he wasn’t well, and progressively got worse over 4 days before we took him to A&E and got admitted to hospital. We missed our flight(s) home and got back 8 days later, safe and healthy. It was scary but we survived, and a week later were home in Scotland!

Continue reading →

Fortnightly Photos VII

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Hello!

I started this at the end of summer and although winter isn’t here yet, I am definitely feeling the cold! I am trying to keep up with everything on my to-do list, but often I find the list gets longer and longer and I am less able to tick things off.

One thing I have kept up with is my photos! I had my first paid clients this month – 3 of them! And I have learned a lot, and really enjoyed myself. I have invested a lot into this business and am looking at investing more – both of myself personally and financially.  But baby steps, I have found myself incredibly busy just doing mum things so I am going to give myself a few weeks of taking it slow before upping any game.

I converted my living room entirely into a studio, thanks to my lovely husband agreeing to move all our furniture around, and so now I can put up my backdrops and take them down as needed. It’s made a big difference!

Here are my  top photos from the last couple weeks:

These are from our family photoshoot – I love them and have made our Christmas cards with them too!

These are from shoots with other people as well, and I have a couple with myself and Theo Prana in them from our practice sessions. I have accumulated a LOT of props now, for sitter and newborn sessions and I have been learning a lot about them so I am educated on what I am offering.

In honesty, while I haven’t blogged and I have let this slide a lot, I haven’t given up on this project, and I haven’t let myself put the camera down so I am proud of that. I love the studio sessions, and it makes so much sense in the winter because it is so very cold, but I still love the outdoor sessions most, and I know that there will be lots of fun when we do venture to some muddy fields, or our on an adventure with the camera; just need to wait and see what happens.

I’ll try to post on time at the end of this month.

Thanks for sticking with me,

Xoxox

R

Fortnightly Photos VI

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Hey,

I am backdating a couple of posts because my manic life has meant that I completely lost track of time and space, and my dedication to myself and this blog has been at a level 0. I have been taking photos, of my son, my husband and clients, but finding the time to write hasn’t been a priority, and so I have let is slide.

My last post was in the middle of October, and so now, these are my top photos from the end of October.

It was a busy month, after Theo Prana’s sickness bug, H’s friend Charley came up to visit, and H had a few surprise days off work so we had a few really good days out. He went away for a few days afterwards, and since we were preparing for his sea time, I decided to try to do a “See you soon Daddy” photoshoot with bubba – I even made DIY bunting!

The end of month has zoomed round and now we are over halfway through November, which has also been a busy month for photos – but that is for my next post.

Thanks for sticking with me,

xoxo

R

Student Motherhood & Me: Guest Post by The MummyBou Chronicles

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Hello,

I am collecting stories of student motherhood, to normalise the experience and to help new student mums (whether at school, college, university or later in life), feel that the struggles they go through are normal; something I think I’d have benefited from in my own experiences. Therefore, I am reaching out and asking for help – if you are/were a student mum – or dad! – then please contact me, I would love to hear your story, and share it if you’ll let me.

A huge thank you to Michaela, my first guest in this venture. Michaela has a fantastic blog called The MummyBou Chronicles where she blogs about motherhood, student motherhood, travel and much more. Once you’re done here, go check out her blog!

Without further ado, here is her Q&A about student mum life: 

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Introduce yourself :

I’m Michaela, I’m a 28-year-old mum to Mayarna and wife to be to OJ. I live in a little town called Huddersfield and I have my own Events Management business called MJM Events Management. I have recently become an Independent Usborne Organiser and run Michaela’s Magical World of Tales.

How did you feel finding out you were pregnant? What were the circumstances?

I was over the moon to find out I was pregnant! Me and OJ had thought about trying, not realising I was already pregnant when we started (haha!). I had been out for a couples dinner and something told me the next morning to do a test. It was positive but I didn’t believe it until I went to the Doctors 2 weeks later. I had wanted to be a mum for as long as I can remember, so finding out I was pregnant was amazing news not just for me but OJ and both our families.

What was your pregnancy like? Were there any highlight moments or struggles? How did you cope?

My pregnancy was straightforward until roughly 6 months. I got pelvic girdle pain which was where my nerves were getting trapped from the pressure of my baby and my bones were pushing against each other. Some days I would seize up and couldn’t get out of bed. I was given a crutch to help me walk in the end of my pregnancy as it started to get bad. Plus it was winter time so the cold did not help.

But I loved my bump and I loved feeling my princess growing inside me and her kicks getting stronger each day. I also loved seeing her on the scans. That was awesome! Me and OJ were amazed every time to see just how active she was.

The first weeks of motherhood, what were they like?

The first weeks of motherhood were overwhelmingly emotional.

I knew I’d be tired but I felt like I’d been hit by a truck! I was absolutely drained, loss of appetite and felt very tender. Plus I was breastfeeding and my breast were super tender. I felt like I wasn’t coping at all and cried for nearly every day in the first month. I was overwhelmed by everything; my birth was long and tiring and I didn’t sleep for a week afterwards as I kept thinking about it and crying. But I had excellent support from OJ, my parents and my siblings and also my health visitor who was fantastic.

Going back to study; did you want to? How did you feel? How did you juggle everything?

In regards to studying, I decided I wanted to get my degree in Events Management so I could gain more experience in Events and open my own business. I started a distant learning online Access course whilst I was pregnant and took a 2 month break when I had my little girl. But it was overwhelming! The course was super hard and it was stressing me out. I recently realised that I don’t  need a degree to open my own business (the main reason I was going to university). I gave up my access course and I am now studying an online Start Your Own Business course which is perfect. I study for 2 hours a day when Mayarna sleeps and it’s so much more relaxed. Once I complete that I will do an online Events course instead which will be so much more suitable for me. Studying with a baby is difficult and I recommend having a good support system or time management skills because it is very easy to fall behind, as I know too well!

Where are you now in your life/studies? Do you have any plans for the future?

My future plans are to complete my studies and focus on building my business up. It’s not easy but I do it for my family and to carry out my dream.

Thank’s for reading – please reach out if you have a story you’d like to share! 

Xox

R