parenting

Building Emotional Literacy with toddlers

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Meltdowns

Big feelings

Shouting

Hitting

Kicks

Even the odd bite or many!

This is all age appropriate behaviour for young children, usually at varying points and definitely not a one-size fits all kind of thing. Each child will express their emotions differently, and if they’re even the slightest bit like mine, they’ll make sure you know about it!

What makes us so uncomfortable about our children’s emotions? Is it really that we can’t stand them being angry or sad or overwhelmed? Or is it more about our own capacity to hold the space for them.

To quote Hermione Granger, sometimes we as parents have the emotional capacity of a “teaspoon” – usually because we’re burnt out, and we haven’t got a clue how to handle our own feelings, let alone those of our growing child.

So building emotional literacy becomes almost another thing that we should do, but feel we’re not able to. It’s hard, just like most things in parenting… and it’s also not impossible to start small, and build our own with them. That’s what I’ve done slowly, and though it has taken self reflection, journaling, tears and various moments of me questioning my own sanity, I have seen it pay of so beautifully with my own children. Theo, now almost 5 has an incredible ability to tell us about how his ‘bucket’ is feeling, and where the feelings lie, and recently the steps needed to help him feel better – usually involving a drink, hug and time by himself.

This did not happen overnight! It’s taken the literal years of his life for us to learn what helps, and what we need to keep in mind when any of the children are mid-meltdown. I’ve learned is that some things work better than others, and I’m going to share a few things that have worked for us, and a few that still prove to be opportunities for my own growth, alongside the kids.

Name it, Don’t shame it

Name the emotions – yes we’ve likely all heard that this is important. Why? Because a child’s brain and body doesn’t always have the descriptive language necessary to articulate what they are feeling. They don’t know that anger is linked to their tummy discomfort – like a volcano about to erupt. Or that the tight chest they feel and shortness of breath is them worrying, being anxious, nervous or uncertain. They might just feel suffocated, and lash out to make the feelings go away … often to be met with an onslaught of new feelings as the grown up around them tells them off, or another child reacts to their lashing.

Either way, without language, kids can’t cope with their feelings, and when they get told off, shame at their inability to control or understand what’s happening creeps in.

This can look like a suggestion – I see you’re growling at mummy, this makes me think that you may be feeling frustrated. Are you? OR are you feeling upset because I’ve said it’s time to come inside now?
But it can also look like curiosity – You’re growling at me, I wonder what you’re trying to tell me with that. OR when I said that it’s time to come inside, you tried to show me how you feel with a growl, I’m curious to see if we can come up with a word for that feeling.

go a step further

Building emotional literacy also means going a step further. Once you and you child are comfortable naming emotions, then you can chat about where they feel in their body.

We like to make a game of it, not always, but it definitely helps diffuse tensions – for example: “You’re feeling angry right now, is the anger in your knee? Your elbow? Oh no, I forgot, sometimes angry feelings get stuck in our toes – let’s see if we can tiptoe them out

By allowing them to figure out where it feels, and then find a way to release some of the tension around it, we are helping children learn that they have nothing to fear even when they have big feelings in their body. Eventually, they’ll learn how to regulate themselves, at least some of the time. You’re sewing the seeds for emotionally healthy adults, with a much larger capacity to handle their feelings without going into a fight, flight, freeze or fawn response. So this really is a long game – getting it right every time isn’t the goal, modelling and trying again is!

Hold SPace

Allowing feelings has been a big step for me. I read and read and read some more about how important it is to allow kids to have all their feelings in a safe space, without feeling judged. It means they know feelings are normal and that everyone has them, and that makes for healthy adults who don’t hold back feelings or end up in spirals of depression and guilt because expressing feelings is seen as ‘wrong’.

“But feelings can’t be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.”

– Anne Frank.

And yet, when the feelings seem ungrateful, or extra noisy, or just plain overwhelming. When they are loud or in public or I just don’t really have the time. When the feelings of my children come and I am feeling frazzled or guilty or my own needs haven’t been met, it doesn’t matter how much I know that allowing feelings is important, I just want them to shut-up and change the subject because I am so triggered by it too.

This is the hardest part of holding space. Holding it even when we don’t have anyone holding for us. It’s not their fault they haven’t figured it out yet, it’s our job to guide them… and so regulating even when we don’t feel regulated is the ultimate goal. Allowing them to feel, while maintaining boundaries so they are feeling the feelings without being hurtful – it takes so much practice. Compassion for when we don’t manage it too, because we’re human.

Recently I had a meltdown over one of Ila-Rae’s big feeling moments, being triggered because she was loud, it was late, the baby was tired, I was tired, she was tired, and it was generally just a crappy time for her to be screaming about whatever it was she was upset about. I told her to ‘shut-up’ … and immediately regretted it. Theo actually pulled me up on it and said I shouldn’t use that word, and in the end, I apologised and we had a cuddle; I empathized that she was just frustrated and sad at the situation, and we moved on. In parenting circles, we call this rupture and repair. It has been revolutionary in my own parenting experiences to view things in this cycle.

Apologise

Rupture – repair.

We have a rupture, we shout, we tell our child off, we say something we wish we could take back, and then, what do we do next?

We take a deep breath, some space if needed, and get down on their level, and sincerely tell them we are sorry. We tell them that we are human too, and that we make mistakes, and that no-matter what happens ever, no-matter how angry we may get, we will never stop loving them. We tell them they are incredible, and that they are still learning and we are here to help them.

We repair.

And then we move forward… because sometimes we get it wrong too, and in the big picture, normalising apologising to our children means they will become adults who are not afraid to own their mistakes, apologise and move forward. It’s probably one of the most important things we do in our house, and it does make a huge difference.

Model adult regulation

Ooh this last one is so hard sometimes. Especially when we have triggers from our own childhood that we haven’t really processed yet. Modelling regulation is hard but with practice it does get easier. Plus, there’s a lot of stuff we can do to prepare, or purposely model positive scenarios when we do feel regulated, which mean when react before thinking, and yell or get angry, say things we don’t mean to (my go to is usually along the lines of “for f***s sake, again!”).

The good news is, modelling happens all the time whether or not we plan for it. So when we treat people like our parents, partners and children with respect and kindness, they pick it up. When we talk to kids like we would our best friend, then they learn they are valued as people to us, and they begin to do the same.

There is nothing sweeter that a 2 or 3 year old complimenting you as an adult with all the sincerity in the world, because they think that’s just what everyone does. Or hearing their beautiful little voices tell you about the day or view because you’ve done it for their whole life, and they want to share the joy. All these amazing moments you have, they are because of you, your modelling, your hard work… you are always doing it. Building emotional literacy into this is a step further yes, but it becomes part of life too… and when we model all of the above, we name, we allow and accept, even embrace, we hold the space and apologise for ruptures when we can, we can build some incredible skill for our children, and hopefully, in the long game we will see them be much more emotionally capable and healthy humans.

Kids will be kids

They will bite, kick, hit and scream… because they need to communicate and these are tools of communication.

Our job is not to stop these behaviours because they are ‘wrong’ but rather, to guide them to a new toolkit, with communication skills that mean they can tell us what they need without hurting anyone, including themselves.

Changing my mindset in these ways has helped me immensely, I hope that this may help you too!

November Musings

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”

Mary Oliver

I began to write a post on the bus the other day. I began one in my head as we walked. I began to think again while at the park watching Ila-Rae on the swings. Truthfully, my musing this month is that although my heart and soul want to be creating, writing, expressing; my body and mind are busy and exhausted. That’s okay.

I am only just out of the 4th Trimester with Ezra, and still very much finding my feet as a new mum again. Theo is thriving in his own way, and also challenging in others; Ila-Rae is the same. Both of them remind me daily that there is absolutely no point in trying to control the way they want to live their lives, because the only things I can control are my own reactions (or responses as I’m trying to reframe them), and the environment I create – to an extent anyway.

There is a part of me drawn to minimalism and so when things get too chaotic, I end up having a big clean out and resort – today was that day. Unsurprisingly therefore, I have finally made some time to write, because my brain and body are that little bit calmer within our environment. Yes the playroom is still messy, and yes there are pens ALL over the kids bedroom floor, and yes, Ila-Rae went to bed with felt-tip marking over pretty much her entire body; BUT they had real dinner, we played and had some wonderful connection, the bedsheet is clean AND we even managed to hoover up most of the rice and chickpeas from the sensory tray spillover. I’ll take this as a win!

Autumn has pretty much gone now I feel. Though we have had some sunny days, the nights draw in fast and the cold is beginning to make it self felt. This year though, Theo’s old enough to talk to about extra layers, turning lights off, saving energy when it’s possible – and as a result, he’s being conscious about it, which is both the reason and motivator for H and I to model using our resources responsibly. We’ve had some wonderful conversations regarding sustainability, and he’s actually even more excited to take the bus when we go out now, regularly checking that the fuel/energy being used by our family is not ‘too much’. It makes me sad to think at 4 he will already have a sense of climate anxiety; but I am also determined to make positive changes with him (and Ila-Rae and Ezra as they grow of course). The next big thing I need to organize with him is a neighborhood little pick – which sounds simple and cheery but with 3 babies under 5, it’s something I am yet to manage as whenever we do go out and pick up the few loose bits here and there, I always make the mental note to pack some little bags… and then forget.

Homeschooling

As Theo officially reached school eligibility age this year, I had panicked a little about the face we are home educating. I wholehearted believe it is the right choice for our family right now… but I am also someone who feels nervous about doing things ‘wrong’ and home-ed is very far from considered the ‘right thing’ from conversations with family and friends. Slowly though, I feel like it is being more accepted – or maybe I’m just getting better at navigating the harder conversations.

We bought Kindergarten Math with Confidence and I was so excited to start in September … but Theo wasn’t bothered and so I didn’t push. Instead we played and got used to life with Ezra around. Numbers though were still featuring heavily in his interests so we have watched a lot of Numberblocks on CBeebies and I ignored pretty much every part of me that wanted to quiz him. Until the last 2 weeks where he’s been playing with numbers, adding and subtracting and asking us to join in and throw questions at him. The joy he shows when he knows the answer is palpable; and the curiosity when he needs to try and figure it out is incredible. Had I pushed, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. So I’ve been looking at the curriculum this week to find ideas for ways to bring in the challenges he is showing signs of wanting… and for now, we’ll go from there.

He has almost no interest in letters and says he has no need to read because he can read with an adult; while Ila-Rae will draw shapes and tell me they are letters… so already I see their needs are so different, even though she isn’t yet 2 (almost though!). He loves his construction play and so I am debating getting a Teifoc building set for him, but the cost is holding me back. I’m sure it’ll be worth it, but maybe one for the future – right now he is content with our Grimms Pyramid styled blocks that a friend made for us.

Lastly in terms of home ed, I’ll add that though we aren’t doing anything formal, I am going back to keeping records because of the court case in Portsmouth ruling in favour of the Learning Authority (LA), because it falls into the growing sense of worry that more requirements and restrictions are going to be placed on families who are choosing this path. I have an Instagram account that focuses more on sharing what we’ve been doing and I am also using pen and paper to journal important observations… alongside photographs because I always enjoy capturing their moments, but that is partly because of my own interest in photography. For now, our life won’t change really, but I am conscious that I don’t want to do things ‘wrong’ and end up with problems with our own LA here in Plymouth, or any other in the future.

Photography

Here are a few choice images from the last few months. My hope is that if I manage to make this writing a monthly occurence, I will be able to share between 2 and 5 favourites from the month past, and hone my own skills while I do so.


Inspiration

Currently I’ve got a few things that are keeping me going. Inspiration is one of those things that, in my opinion, is very personal, because we each have a different need that should be met in order for inspiration to feel authentic.

I subscribe to Julie Bogart’s newsletter and, although I don’t read every single one that pops into my inbox, a while ago she sent one that really resonated. She spoke about parents finding hobbies, to stop stressing over our children’s learning and instead, learn something new ourselves. To demonstrate a love of learning and a passion for a project or activity or anything really, because when our children see it, we are modeling a healthy relationship with learning. It really struck a cord with me, and so I’m keeping it at the forefront of projects or ideas I have. Maybe it’ll work for you too.

I’ve also been listening to Life Without School podcast, as a little reminder and breather during the week. The episodes are short enough and beautifully thought out. I love the honestly behind conversations and although my children are younger, I find a lot relatable.

Lastly, I’ve put reminders on my phone to smile more! It’s a small thing, but the reminder every couple of hours pops up and it is a way for me to check in with what my body feels too. The idea is that by reminding myself to smile, I am rewiring my brain in positivity – I don’t always want to smile, but the reminder is soft, and a happy word, so I soften my jaw a little, breathe and if I want to, smile. Rather than a reminder to meditate or do some ‘self care’ which ends up feeling like another job on the list, this is gentle and effective for me right now.

I invite you to try it… smile. Just for a second. Then for a bit longer. Deep breath through the nose if you can first, and then soft your jaw, cheekbones, eyebrows… and smile. 💕 How does that feel?

I’ll tentatively promise another update next month. With lots of things in my head, I hope to share a few projects then too.

Until next time, with love

Rohana x

Overthinking Play

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Play is a vital part of childhood. We develop most of our early skills through play and so allowing my son a variety of ways to play is currently a top priority.

This one is simple really, I just wanted to share about the way we play. Having a 2 year old means a LOT of testing, and sometimes it’s not always possible to spend every single minute involved in their play.

There is housework, cooking, showering, going to the loo etc etc etc. Some things, there is room for my toddler, even if I don’t necessarily want to share; for example, I have given up attempting to have a wee without either being followed or demanded down the stairs again. However, when I am cooking or washing the dishes, the boundaries are firmer, he is NOT allowed to put his hand in the hot water, or play with the oven dials or use a knife. Simple right ? Unless you are a 2 year old who feels like the world is overwhelming and unfair and Mummy never lets you do anything interesting!

It’s hard being a toddler. And I say that sincerely.

Honestly I would love to stay on the floor or sofa and play all day. Some days we do that, and have left-overs or daddy makes dinner. But other days it’s impossible. Instead of ‘dealing with a screaming toddler’ though, I try to find ways we can adapt situations so he is busy while I am too. It doesn’t always work, but even 50% is better than nothing. Extra bonus, it gives me something to explore with him another day or ask about before bed.

These are some of my recent play set ups. I haven’t used them all yet, and will fully confess that a lot is inspired by various Instagram accounts who are much better at this than I am. Regardless, what we are doing works for us right now so that’s all that matters to me.

Play is hard sometimes. I tend to expect something from it or for TP to want new things, but often he’s happy to repeat crafts we’ve done. Letting go of expectations is something both H and I are working hard on. Child led can be challenging. The results are worth it, in time.

How do you play? Are there any prompts you’d like to see or try? Send me your thoughts and ideas, I’d love to hear.

#Mumlife isn’t easy…

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Finding inspiration to write is not always easy, not is it easy to find time when a good idea hits. These past couple of weeks I have had several “I could do a blog post about that” moments, but inevitably the time passes and I haven’t managed to open up my laptop. Add on to that the fact that TP is extremely possessive of my phone when it is out, these moments pass.

Thinking about that though, about how fleeting moments are, and about how quickly time slips away, is itself, something to share. Recently this has come up a lot for me; the hours and days we wish away. At 27 weeks pregnant now, with a 25 month old, I will be the first to admit that I take a lot of it for granted. I ‘just know’ that tomorrow we can make up for today, or that after nap-time we can do something fun, or that the weather will be better next week for us to go out walking more. I assume that I will continue to be able to run around after my son, and pick him up, throw him around and let him ride ‘monkey’ on my back down the stairs. He sits on my belly and we joke he is sitting on his sister as he climbs onto my shoulders.

On the other side of it though, are the long hours where I thank god and the BBC for Mr Tumble and let TP sit through many, many episodes just so I can eat and cook and do the washing and check my email and maybe if I’m lucky go to the loo before he gets up and demands attention. There are 5am starts and 10pm bedtimes, the food strikes or tantrums for anything other than marshmallows, the milk hunger to the point my nipples feel they might fall off, and the hitting and biting that is his current method of expressing upset and anger. These are moments that I want to pass quickly, because staying present and accepting is hard, it’s easier to wish the hour away and want to ‘move on’ to the next thing on our schedule.

Yet these are also the moments I think back on with a wry smile, because the cuddles and healing that happen after are often the best hugs and cutest conversations. So why do I wish them away?

Because I am tired.

Because I am embarrassed.

Because they make me feel like I am raising a ‘trouble’ child.

Because accepting and dealing with the harder minutes is not easy. Parenthood is not easy.

But it is worth it.

A Childhood Memory

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Recently a friend asked me to think back to one childhood memory that stood out. No thinking, just do it.

I urge you try.

What did you come up with?

Was it something Happy? Exciting? Sad? Angry? Shameful?

My memory was a happy one, one that brought a smile to my lips. This was actually the reason my friend had asked to me to think back, to remind me that even though life seems hard sometimes, overall, my life has been pretty damn amazing.

It got me thinking about how much our childhood influences the way we raise our children. If you had a perfectly happy childhood, you try and replicate the same for your kids. Similarly, studies suggest that people who were raised in unhappy households tend to pass on this cycle to their children. Most of us are somewhere in the middle, with good bits and bad bits; with the hope that the good outweighs the bad, the happiness is prominent than the sadness.

But, as Alfie Kohn points out:

To get better at the craft of raising children, we need to be open to seeing what’s unpleasant in order to evaluate what our parents did right and where we might be able to improve on their approach.

We learn from the way we were parented and pass it on, or we take what we have learned and adapt it.

My memory was catching butterflies. This is what I wrote when I thought about it: 

We are walking around a field of sorts, it is not green, rather yellow-ish because of the warmth. It’s the 4 of us, with Sid and I holding nets and jars, I think they are empty at the moment; we are looking for butterflies. It’s a family outing. I remember feeling happy. 

Next thing I remember is the fascination of watching a butterfly, inside the jar we have, the one that is meant to be especially designed for them – now that I am older, I highly doubt this, but I remember believing it. The butterfly is sitting on a twig or something we have but inside the jar, it is colourful and beautiful. We admire it, and then let it go. it flies away and we keep walking.

This is one of my favourite memories, and I am sure it has very little to do with the butterflies and a lot to do with the fact it was a family trip. We did a lot of them and even though I know we squabbled, and were hungry or tired or both, I don’t remember those bits. The bits that stick are the feelings of warmth, of excitement and of joy; they are the kind of thing I want to pass on to my child. We learn from our parents and we better our own parenting from them; I’m pretty sure if we do that, then generations get better and we raise good people to keep the world running.

Thanks for reading,

Xoxo

R

Dear Mummy, on days parenting feels like a chore, remember this:

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Dear Mummy,

I can’t tell you yet, but I see how hard you are working. Some things I won’t understand for a long time, but I do understand that keeping me alive, healthy and happy is a tough job, so thank you.

I love you too. 

Some days are fantastic, some days are long, some days are happy and some days are sad. We have many different types of days together, but the work you do and love you give remains the same: thank you.

Dear Mummy, thank you for all the things you do that get unnoticed.

Thank you for keeping me safe at night, for cuddling me and for kindly waking me up in morning, for helping me changed to get ready for the day. Thank you for letting me choose my trousers, and the colour of my shirt. I like choosing my clothes for the day.

Thank you for feeding me breakfast, and understanding that maybe it is because I had a lot of dinner so I am not very hungry this morning. I know I seem difficult when I turn away from the food, but it’s only because I don’t know how else to tell you I’m full. Thank you for not forcing me to eat at mealtimes.

Thank you for taking the extra time so I can explore as we walk wherever we are going to. I like learning when we are outside.

Thank you for holding me while I nap. I know I am safe in your arms and lying next to you. Thank you for the cuddles when I wake up scared too.

Thank you for hugging me.

Thank you for playing with me

Thank you for reading to me.

Thank you for making bathtime and dinner fun.

Thank you for taking care of me even when your sick.

Thank you for looking after me when I am sick.

Thank you for being in my corner always.

Thank you mum…for everything.

I love you.

Life with a Toddler: Soft Play Mishaps

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Occurred March 4th

You know those moments when your toddler gets hurt and you know it’s partly your fault? I had a moment like that today with Theo in a soft play centre.

My tiny humans loves slides And usually the higher and faster, the better. So he went for it, with a little help we got to the top of the gym styled course and to the biggest slide. My friend and her daughter when down together, but Theo didn’t want to get on my lap, so, (foolishly) I didn’t force him. Instead, I sat down on the slide next to him and said we would go down together.

1, 2, 3, weeeeee….

Queue crying… queue loud, I’m in pain crying! He smacked the side of his face near the bottom.

The result: my kid now looks really roughed up.

This isn’t the first instance of bruising this week! He has tripped and fallen and been downright clumsy over the weekend, so this episode on the slide is just icing on the cake.

Oh and now he’s afraid of slides too.

My takeaway point: sometimes, as much as its great to let toddlers take charge during play, it’s also probably wise not to let them go down giant slides without sitting on your lap.

However, overall he is fine, so as much I feel guilty for not preventing the hurt, I also know he has learned a lot from it and will let me do it with him next time. We will tackle slides together another day and hopefully he will find the joy again.

Mummy

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

For all parents, our kids first words are special. For first time parents, I think it is even more so. We often can’t wait for our babies to reach milestones and speech is one of the big ones!

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I remember being pregnant and hearing a lady say that every time her wee grandson called her “granny” it made heart melt; for her, there was no purer joy. At the time, I thought it was very sweet, but I didn’t really understand.

Recently, my baby boy has found his voice and become extremely confident using it. He’s getting better and better at communicating and its incredible to see him change daily now. I don’t always understand what he says, or what he wants, but if I just stop, listen and watch, and actually breathe in the moments he is sharing with me, it is magical.

He’ll often say ‘mama mama’ as he plays with his toys; not calling me, just to himself. He’ll say “maymee” if he is talking on a pretend phonecall, or ‘toe tee tooo” if he counts 1,2,3. He has his own language entirely and understands more than I will ever realise. It is fascinating to watch. In the morning, he’ll babble or recently he requests to see Daddy’s video* to him on my phone; then we’ll play before getting out of bed.

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The newest word to his collection is “mummy”. Perfectly pronounced so it actually does sound the way it should. He says it often softly, when he needs me, or when he brings me a book to read to him. He also shouts it, especially when there is a lot going on, he wants to make sure he is heard. As he becomes more assertive, he’s started telling me “no, mummy no” when he doesn’t like something or feels I have done something unfair.

It is by no means easy, but it does feel special. I am mummy, with the superpower of making things better, the person to be mad at, the person to cry to, the person for food, drink, entertainment and comfort. Yet even when its exhausting, when he’s called constantly me and tantrumed all day, when he’s been attached to my hip and nursed non-stop, being mummy is beautiful.

Now, I understand what that lady meant when she spoke of the joy it brought her because now, I feel that joy every time my son asks for his mummy.

* Daddy is away currently but I have a video of him telling Theo that he loves him and is very excited to see him soon. A month ago, Theo would get angry and upset seeing it, so we didn’t watch it, but recently he’s been saying “dada” and “daddy” more, and he loves watching the video! I wouldn’t often advocate screen time before even getting out of bed, but right now, this is the best thing for us and it makes for a happier day.

Life lately

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

We are already in the middle February and I swear yesterday it was the beginning of summer 2018 – Where has the time gone?!

Since I haven’t kept up to date here much, this week I wanted to update you on my life lately; and the rollercoaster it has been. I finally feel like I am settling down again, and am getting comfortable in my home, the home that I have changed drastically in the last month. But that’s getting ahead of myself; for a proper update, I need to actually backtrack briefly to the end of last summer…

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Summer really did fly by, I picked up my camera and I started falling in love with photography again. It spurred my series of Fortnightly Photos that I posted here, though keeping them fortnightly towards the end proved harder than I had hoped. I have stopped that project now for a while, but have by no means put down the camera. As my joy with photography set off, I decided to offer it professionally – outdoor family/children’s portrait photography mostly, but I have been studying and learning about working within studio settings too, as well as abstract photography, travel and much more. I am not busy within this small business, but I love it, and I know that if it is meant to be, then clients will come. As long as I can provide the service with a genuine love for capturing people, then I will be happy to continue.

While doing this, I continued my online studying and by Christmas I had qualified with Warrior’s at Ease as a Level 1 Trauma Sensitive Yoga teacher to work within military communities. It is something I am extremely excited about offering in the near future but I am not quite there yet.

Moving back to Scotland, permanently this time was exciting and difficult. There was a lot of learning for H and I because we needed to find a balance between work, parenting, our marriage and having our own down time. There were many great moments and many fights, we aren’t perfect but after being apart so long, we both knew it would be hard work. Now, he’s on patrol, and won’t be back for some weeks yet, so we will have to go backwards a bit, and get used to life together again.

Family Photos pre-patrol (6)

We knew he was going, so I went home to my parents for Christmas and he went off to find Nemo!

Then the fun bit came… we went to a family wedding in Jakarta.

35 hours on 3 different flights, my parents, brother, cousin and 17 month old son made the trip. Poor Theo (my son) has been on more flights in his life than I think he’d ever care to think about! He is an absolute trooper. We arrived and he wasn’t well, and progressively got worse over 4 days before we took him to A&E and got admitted to hospital. We missed our flight(s) home and got back 8 days later, safe and healthy. It was scary but we survived, and a week later were home in Scotland!

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