A few weeks ago I had the honour of going to the woods, sharing tea and crafting a story of vulnerability, sacredness, and a reclamation of power. Before we started, we spoke a while and the depths of this shoot were clear, it wasn’t just about getting naked in the woods … it was sacred. It was about self love, worthiness, joy, grief, pain and pride. It was a reclamation.
I delivered the gallery for these the other day, and I’ve been thinking a lot about how the images I caught tell a story. A story in many ways about power.
It isn’t that we lose our power as women, but often that it is reshaped, molded, and flattened into something that just doesn’t align with us anymore.
This shoot was a reclamation of that power
A “fuck you” to the idea of staying small
An full body acknowledgement that we are sacred just because we exist
A rebirthing
Because while we cognitively can ‘do the work’ and tell ourselves that we’re okay, there is an incredible shift that comes when we lie in the earth and let ourselves be held in nature.
These images are a few from our time dancing in creation; they are deep, profound storytelling images… and I’m really proud of them.
From a shedding of layers to a reflection on what’s been learned, and dancing into new directions on your own terms. These images are in more than one way a message, to give ourselves the grace of processing, to honour the time and journeys we go on, and to ultimately find ways to put on our armour and take the roads less travelled – because there we can find our magick.
As always, thank you for reading, it means so much to me that you’re here.
A couple weekends ago we went down south to visit family and celebrate my MILs birthday. Naturally there’s a WhatsApp chat where all the photos were shared from the weekend, and one of the gems captured was this one.
It’s me yeah, showing one of my nieces how to use the camera. Not for the first time, she expressed a little interest and it was a real moment of joy to see her get excited about it. A little later, one of my nephews really didn’t want to get in the big family photo so I asked him to help me before we both ran in for it. It might have only been a second but it was a big win for me to share something with him, because I really don’t get enough time to know these family members deeply.
Anyway, when I saw this photo I had a memory come up, and then my husband asked me when I first knew I wanted to be behind the camera instead of in front of it. I stumped me, because I really don’t think there was a specific moment I knew, it’s just been something I grew into.
There were a lot of us over the weekend. Lots of adults, and lots of kids ranging from teens to my tiny baby. It was loud and busy, so of course my camera came with. Over the years it’s always been by my side for big days out, or when I know there’s the potential of overwhelm, because getting creative is a way for me to connect with myself and regulate my nervous system.
I’ve done this for as long as I can remember, from years watching my dad do the same as I grew up, it was a natural progression for me to get involved with him and hide behind the camera too. Of course, now I understand that’s what I’m doing, but back then, it was just what felt good in my body. It was a beautiful way to connect with him over art and it was an easy excuse to take a minute in a crowd.
My dad would bring his camera to group outings or on the family holiday. He’d snap pictures of us out with friends or document events on Gibraltars National Day while everyone else mixed in the crowd. I remember looking for him, and knowing 9 times out of 10, I’d find him behind the camera. Back then (ancient times I know!) he would upload the images onto the computer and spend hours creating slide shows of our adventures, and then sharing it a week or few later with everyone who was there. Now with my own kids and the progress of phone tech, when we see him, I can guarantee I’ll have beautiful photos sent to me without the wait. He’s visiting in a few weeks, and I’ve asked him to bring his camera.
I have picked mine up and put it down so many times over the year, finding that when life feels overwhelming, I can get creative and artistic behind my lens. Now I’m intentionally choosing to do it both when things feel good and when they don’t. Last week I had the privilege of capturing a birthday celebration walk, and this week I’m excited to be trying something new with a friend (watch this space for an update). Asking my dad to bring his camera is another one of those intentional moves.
I think about how my kids see me, hiding behind the camera and creating stories with it. It looks different to the way my dad did, but it’s something I am proud to be passing on. The chance to pause, reflect, capture and create … and then get those creations printed out to tell stories on our walls.
The day we ate apples on the beach after driving 10 hours Working together on a woodland walkThe day we got ready for babyBath time stories
And so many more…
I thought about how when I started to say that I was “hiding behind the camera” I felt a sense of guilt and shame, but actually, I’m not hiding selfishly. I’m gifting myself pauses, I’m gifting myself creation spaces, and I’m gifting my future self the magick captured in moments we’d otherwise forget.
So this last couple weeks baby and I travelled back to Gibraltar and left hubby behind in Scotland. The plan was he’d be leaving with work shortly after but some delays have postponed that slightly.
Because of all the travelling, and the fact Theo had chicken pox and then a tummy bug, photos have been scarce. I am using my dad’s camera now, and enjoying it because I am learning from him. I also signed up to a photography online course so will be starting that soon! I am honestly very excited for it.
Christmas is a week away now so things are very busy. Baby is lots better and enjoying the sun and the free reign he gets because its easier to chase him in the small space. Here are a few of him making the most of his freedom:
I’ll post more soon, it’s going to be a New Year goal of mine.
My mum and brother visited last week and we had a day in Glasgow; I’ve babysat my neighbours kid and got much more comfortable in my newfound friendship here. I am getting ready to say bye to H who has not yet left on patrol but will be going soon, and packing for our Christmas with my parents.
The camera has been out, but I’ve had no clients and truthfully I haven’t pushed because it’s been so busy! I know once we hit 2019, I will focus on my business again more fully. Until then, I’m working on baby cuddles, preparing to start a proper bedtime routine and thinking about weaning. Life is busy and we are loving it!
Here are a few of our photos this week, my brother features in quite a few of them:
Thanks for keeping up!
I will check in again before Christmas if possible.
I started this at the end of summer and although winter isn’t here yet, I am definitely feeling the cold! I am trying to keep up with everything on my to-do list, but often I find the list gets longer and longer and I am less able to tick things off.
One thing I have kept up with is my photos! I had my first paid clients this month – 3 of them! And I have learned a lot, and really enjoyed myself. I have invested a lot into this business and am looking at investing more – both of myself personally and financially. But baby steps, I have found myself incredibly busy just doing mum things so I am going to give myself a few weeks of taking it slow before upping any game.
I converted my living room entirely into a studio, thanks to my lovely husband agreeing to move all our furniture around, and so now I can put up my backdrops and take them down as needed. It’s made a big difference!
Here are my top photos from the last couple weeks:
These are from our family photoshoot – I love them and have made our Christmas cards with them too!
These are from shoots with other people as well, and I have a couple with myself and Theo Prana in them from our practice sessions. I have accumulated a LOT of props now, for sitter and newborn sessions and I have been learning a lot about them so I am educated on what I am offering.
In honesty, while I haven’t blogged and I have let this slide a lot, I haven’t given up on this project, and I haven’t let myself put the camera down so I am proud of that. I love the studio sessions, and it makes so much sense in the winter because it is so very cold, but I still love the outdoor sessions most, and I know that there will be lots of fun when we do venture to some muddy fields, or our on an adventure with the camera; just need to wait and see what happens.
I’ll try to post on time at the end of this month.
This is a full week late now but I am still catching up from Theo Prana’s sickness bug. We had lots of cuddles and days indoors last week and the weekly schedule got away from me.
For my own benefit, I am posting my 5th round of (almost) fortnightly photos, as I learn things and watch myself grow.
Wow, the last 2 weeks have been insane! I have been doing photoshoots of kids around the local area now and have been non-stop editing and trying to up my game. I’m building my portfolio so as of yet this has all been free – I don’t mind one bit, I’ve loved it – but my god it’s an incredible amount of work to fit in only when baby sleeps! Watching different tutorials on YouTube for inspiration when I can, and practising as much as possible.
I now have a logo! And a business page, and am meeting a lady about starting an actual proper business tomorrow. Life feels like it’s going at warp speed!
Anyhow, here are my top 5 from recently… there are lots and lots more, but I’m keeping the ones on these blogs either family or close friends, so there are less to choose from then.
I’ll update this in a few weeks. Looking forward to seeing what they bring.
Xoxo
This one needs a LOT of work I know, but he was helping me with all our stuff and I got the basket for smaller babies… couldn’t resist putting him in it!
I’ll update this in a few weeks. Looking forward to seeing what they bring.
I’ve been very quiet on here recently, moved back home to Scotland and have been settling in. Photography wise though, I’m buzzing! I had my friend Gemma visit and model for me while she was over, and posted on a local Facebook asking if anyone would be willing to let me do some photoshoots with their kids for experience; I am now busy for 3 weeks!
I was overwhelmed initially but am incredibly excited. My first shoot is tomorrow.
The last 2 weeks have been intense and full of photographs. My top 10 are:
Thanks for keeping up with me. I’ll be back to regular blogging soon.
Round 2 of posting my favourite photos from the fortnight; I have some others but haven’t managed to process them yet so these are my top 10 from what I’ve got:
This one is my favourite
I am loving using my DSLR and learning each time I use it.
I also feel myself noticing how I take photos and what I want in them, more than snapping away blindly. This project is one I am glad I’ve given myself.
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