I started this at the end of summer and although winter isn’t here yet, I am definitely feeling the cold! I am trying to keep up with everything on my to-do list, but often I find the list gets longer and longer and I am less able to tick things off.
One thing I have kept up with is my photos! I had my first paid clients this month – 3 of them! And I have learned a lot, and really enjoyed myself. I have invested a lot into this business and am looking at investing more – both of myself personally and financially. But baby steps, I have found myself incredibly busy just doing mum things so I am going to give myself a few weeks of taking it slow before upping any game.
I converted my living room entirely into a studio, thanks to my lovely husband agreeing to move all our furniture around, and so now I can put up my backdrops and take them down as needed. It’s made a big difference!
Here are my top photos from the last couple weeks:
These are from our family photoshoot – I love them and have made our Christmas cards with them too!
These are from shoots with other people as well, and I have a couple with myself and Theo Prana in them from our practice sessions. I have accumulated a LOT of props now, for sitter and newborn sessions and I have been learning a lot about them so I am educated on what I am offering.
In honesty, while I haven’t blogged and I have let this slide a lot, I haven’t given up on this project, and I haven’t let myself put the camera down so I am proud of that. I love the studio sessions, and it makes so much sense in the winter because it is so very cold, but I still love the outdoor sessions most, and I know that there will be lots of fun when we do venture to some muddy fields, or our on an adventure with the camera; just need to wait and see what happens.
I’ll try to post on time at the end of this month.
I am backdating a couple of posts because my manic life has meant that I completely lost track of time and space, and my dedication to myself and this blog has been at a level 0. I have been taking photos, of my son, my husband and clients, but finding the time to write hasn’t been a priority, and so I have let is slide.
My last post was in the middle of October, and so now, these are my top photos from the end of October.
It was a busy month, after Theo Prana’s sickness bug, H’s friend Charley came up to visit, and H had a few surprise days off work so we had a few really good days out. He went away for a few days afterwards, and since we were preparing for his sea time, I decided to try to do a “See you soon Daddy” photoshoot with bubba – I even made DIY bunting!
The end of month has zoomed round and now we are over halfway through November, which has also been a busy month for photos – but that is for my next post.
This is a full week late now but I am still catching up from Theo Prana’s sickness bug. We had lots of cuddles and days indoors last week and the weekly schedule got away from me.
For my own benefit, I am posting my 5th round of (almost) fortnightly photos, as I learn things and watch myself grow.
I am collecting stories of student motherhood, to normalise the experience and to help new student mums (whether at school, college, university or later in life), feel that the struggles they go through are normal; something I think I’d have benefited from in my own experiences. Therefore, I am reaching out and asking for help – if you are/were a student mum – or dad! – then please contact me, I would love to hear your story, and share it if you’ll let me.
A huge thank you to Diane who I met with her lovely children a few weeks ago. She, like me lived in Portsmouth and graduated from the University of Portsmouth and is now working on her own small business.
Without further ado, here is her Q&A about student mum life:
Introduce yourself:
I’m Diane, a mum of three to Kaiya, 7, Skye, 4 and Lennox also 4 (that’s right – double trouble!). I was born in Zimbabwe, and spent 10 years in Portsmouth, where I met my partner and had my three beautiful children. I now live in the Helensburgh, a beautiful town on the west coast of Scotland.
How did you feel finding out you were pregnant? What were the circumstances?
I found out I was pregnant in the summer after my first year of university was complete. It was a HUGE shock as it wasn’t planned. I remember crying in Asda toilets after taking a test as I hadn’t had my period that day. It sounds strange to even think about a test so early on but I could set my clock by my cycles, so had a feeling something wasn’t right. I had been dating my boyfriend at the time for a year and a half, he was in the navy so was constantly away and my family lived in other towns and cities and I still lived in a shared house with my uni mates. It was very daunting and scary trying to figure out living arrangements and how to get organised for this little bundle arriving in a few months. I had to figure out what to do with my studies. I decided to continue with my course up until 2 weeks before my due date. My course tutor was incredibly supportive in terms of extra tutor time to help me getting projects completed and allowing access to the studio earlier and later than scheduled times.
What was your pregnancy like? Were there any highlight moments or struggles? How did you cope?
I found the beginning of my pregnancy very difficult. Morning sickness took over and I could hardly eat in the first few months. I was tired all the time; I think trying to juggle a part time job (I was working up to 24 hrs a week) and university may have played a part in exhaustion too! My second trimester was more enjoyable, I had more energy and I discovered a lovely aquanatal class at my local leisure centre. I met my first group of mum friends and their support was invaluable! My partner was away for weeks at at time, so having friends going through pregnancy at similar stages and for support was comforting. I managed to complete my second year of university 3 weeks before my due date. I found it so challenging; with morning sickness, tiredness, fainting in the studio and waddling in the library to complete my dissertation. I found that I was judged a lot, heavily pregnant, you do really stand out.
The first weeks of motherhood, what were they like?
Meeting my daughter Kaiya for the first time was incredible. I really enjoyed bonding and breastfeeding. Although I had made new mum friends, I did find it rather difficult with my friends; Some distanced themselves from me because I wasn’t the party girl going to student nights out. I had responsibility and someone who depends on me so I had to change my life and grow up. I think in my head I didn’t expect relationships to change but looking back, my real friends were right by my side through every stage.
Going back to study; did you want to? How did you feel? How did you juggle everything?
I went back to finish my last semester when Kaiya was 7 months old. I was really overwhelmed going back because everything was new, even though I knew the building and the tutors, I didn’t know anyone in the class. With everyone in their solid friendships of almost 3 years, I felt very alone. I would often have lunch on my own in the studio while everyone was out. It would give me a chance to get more work done but I couldn’t help but feel left out. I found leaving Kaiya incredibly hard. I was still breastfeeding her so I would sometimes have to go to the nursery to feed her. She was in nursery 8 til 6, which is such a long time to leave her and I missed her terribly. I knew I only had to get through the next few months and work as hard as I can to finish. I had made a promise to myself that I would complete my degree and that’s what I did. Taking Kaiya to my graduation was one of the proudest moments of my life. I graduated with a BA Hons Fashion and Textiles with design and enterprise.
Where are you now in your life/studies? Do you have any plans for the future?
I have recently started a business working from home doing clothing alterations and sewing commissions. I’m working towards offering sewing classes in the future and helping to organise a design workshops with a fashion show at my children’s school. Further down the line I aspire to create a childrenswear brand, offering vintage inspired bespoke clothing.
Lastly, do you have any advice for student mums/dads?
My advice would be, take help whenever it’s offered. I can understand people feel the pressure to ‘do it all’. Its so easy to get stressed and worked up, you’ll be far more productive when you have more time on your hands, you’re less stressed and you’re well rested.
Thank’s for reading – please reach out if you have a story you’d like to share!
Wow, the last 2 weeks have been insane! I have been doing photoshoots of kids around the local area now and have been non-stop editing and trying to up my game. I’m building my portfolio so as of yet this has all been free – I don’t mind one bit, I’ve loved it – but my god it’s an incredible amount of work to fit in only when baby sleeps! Watching different tutorials on YouTube for inspiration when I can, and practising as much as possible.
I now have a logo! And a business page, and am meeting a lady about starting an actual proper business tomorrow. Life feels like it’s going at warp speed!
Anyhow, here are my top 5 from recently… there are lots and lots more, but I’m keeping the ones on these blogs either family or close friends, so there are less to choose from then.
I’ll update this in a few weeks. Looking forward to seeing what they bring.
Xoxo
This one needs a LOT of work I know, but he was helping me with all our stuff and I got the basket for smaller babies… couldn’t resist putting him in it!
I’ll update this in a few weeks. Looking forward to seeing what they bring.
I’ve been very quiet on here recently, moved back home to Scotland and have been settling in. Photography wise though, I’m buzzing! I had my friend Gemma visit and model for me while she was over, and posted on a local Facebook asking if anyone would be willing to let me do some photoshoots with their kids for experience; I am now busy for 3 weeks!
I was overwhelmed initially but am incredibly excited. My first shoot is tomorrow.
The last 2 weeks have been intense and full of photographs. My top 10 are:
Thanks for keeping up with me. I’ll be back to regular blogging soon.
Round 2 of posting my favourite photos from the fortnight; I have some others but haven’t managed to process them yet so these are my top 10 from what I’ve got:
This one is my favourite
I am loving using my DSLR and learning each time I use it.
I also feel myself noticing how I take photos and what I want in them, more than snapping away blindly. This project is one I am glad I’ve given myself.
The last few days have been a roller-coaster. I process a lot when I write, and though in the moments of hardship I didn’t want to look for learning, I know that there were/are some, and so in finding them for myself, I want to share, in case any other mum feels the same. If you do, let me know I’m not crazy please – it can be a weirdly lonely road sometimes.
Theo Prana was sick over the weekend and into the start of the week leaving me sleep deprived, and mentally exhausted. I had a couple of meltdown moments and when the offences of screaming and fighting sleep continued, I began to see my child as an enemy. In my crazy haze I had a distinct moment where I fully understood why mothers sometimes just need to walk away. But of course, most of the time we don’t. I didn’t. I held him and we played, and he cried and he boob-fed, he pushed away and crawled back to me, and though there were moments where I felt entirely done, they did pass; because ultimately I made myself remember that as hard as this experience was for me, it was harder for my baby.
My parents were great despite my snapping at them; they took Theo Prana with the best of intentions – to give me a break – but actually I found that it didn’t help me as much as they hoped. Some of the best advice I’ve had since becoming a mum is that “if it hurts your heart, you don’t have to do it.”
I’ll repeat that:
“If it hurts your heart, you don’t have to do it.”
It’s such simple yet profound advice. On the 3rd night of this, my heart screamed at me for letting my son cry out for mummy … I’m not perfect, nobody is, but when I stopped and listened to my heart, I promised myself that I would do better. I felt like I was essentially letting him “cry it out” but instead of a cot, in someone else’s arms. I reminded myself that for this tiny human, I am the only constant, and leaving him in distress was like abandoning him.
I made a resolve the next morning as I rushed to get ready, that I was going to quit my job. I only had 8 days left anyway. I typed away these initial thoughts in my free moments and was number crunching in the others. I took the week off, but I’ve left next week in the air. Why? I think because as much as I hate leaving him, the few hours of solace, even though I’m busy, have allowed me to breathe. The resulting problem is that I feel intellectually stifled; but as my last blog post shows, I’ve resorted to TED talks for some inspiration. Actually, as I got on the bus I googled 12 month sleep regression, because I can’t understand how, even though he’s not well, his sleep has gone so entirely AWOL; the answer, I’ve found is that there is a 12 month, and 18 month and a 24month sleep regression stage.
My son at 2am – apparently it was playtime!
Why does nobody tell you this when you’re pregnant? I swear if we actually talked and normalised this shit then maybe mums wouldn’t feel so alone or crazy when it happens. It has left me feeling very frustrated, but now that my little one is a bit better (and has allowed me to sleep a little bit) I am turning that energy into something productive: research.
I have learned a fair amount about sleep regression in the past few days, both from personal experience (though I may be in for much more of this) and from my reading. I’ve linked some useful websites down below under “Resources” but am also going to list a few take-away points.
“The term ‘sleep regression’ is used to describe the periods of time when your baby who otherwise slept through the night suddenly begins to have uncharacteristically frequent night wakings, and may even have napping issues. ” ~ Kim West
One article I read talked about this as a sleep “progression” not regression because our babies grow and learn more during these times – it doesn’t yet feel like it, but the sentiment is great! Anyway, here are my findings:
Sleep regression usually means that our babies are reaching milestones, so the neuro-pathways in their brain are being created and reinforced – hence the increased wakings, higher levels of hunger AND grumpiness.
Babies/toddlers tend to be very clingy in these days/weeks so try to enjoy the cuddles – they won’t last forever.
You’ve done nothing wrong! – I was blaming myself a lot, trying to figure out what I’d done to make this happen… but really, babies sleep regress, and they get sick.. and sometimes both at the same time – it’s not as abnormal as it feels!
They are common but not all babies/toddlers go through them, so if friends or family tell you their kids have never done this, don’t pull you’re hair out (tempting as it might be), just smile and nod, and remember that this is normal.
Let them eat more – and if you’re breastfeeding, I suggest eating more yourself too! It’s exhausting making milk all the time and you need the extra energy so you can keep providing for your little one.
If you are trying to wean, a few sources I read suggested waiting until after your little one starts sleeping normally again.
Remember “this too shall pass” and pull in as much support as you can. Sleep will (apparently) come again… the less we fight, the sooner it’ll happen.
Research suggests avoiding cutting down from 2 naps to 1 at this age because while our babies may fight it, they need the sleep (and so do we!). For us personally this sometimes works and other times doesn’t but we don’t have a real schedule anyway so we’re just going with the flow.
I have already seen that my boy is growing and is more confident as he cruises around so I’m sure the experts are on to something. It’s hard, like many aspects of parenting, and sometimes social media and the internet can make us feel like we are the only ones going through these moments; but both can also be great tools of connection, positive reinforcement and normalisation.
We aren’t alone, we aren’t crazy (mostly), our babies are normal and healthy, and we will sleep again.
This weekend my son has had a rough few days, teething plus swollen tonsils have left him feeling pretty crap! As a result, I haven’t had much time to sit and write. Admittedly, I’m not sure what I’d have written about because after a couple of days with him in pain, I’m feeling uninspired and a little useless. Obviously this too shall pass, but anyone with babies knows, when you’re in the moment, you just want to make it better for them.
Today I decided to pick myself up and motivate myself, because starting off the week well is important. I’ve opened my laptop and found myself listening to TED talks… not ones to inspire, but ones about parenting. I listened to a lot of these when I was pregnant, but somehow I’ve looped back and am listening to them again and I find a whole new appreciation for them.
I have binge watched a few now (baby’s had a long nap) and so I thought I’d share the ones I liked (links below); for anyone who needs to get our of their own heads today:
Supporting you from pregnancy to parenting 