Personal

Mummy

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

For all parents, our kids first words are special. For first time parents, I think it is even more so. We often can’t wait for our babies to reach milestones and speech is one of the big ones!

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I remember being pregnant and hearing a lady say that every time her wee grandson called her “granny” it made heart melt; for her, there was no purer joy. At the time, I thought it was very sweet, but I didn’t really understand.

Recently, my baby boy has found his voice and become extremely confident using it. He’s getting better and better at communicating and its incredible to see him change daily now. I don’t always understand what he says, or what he wants, but if I just stop, listen and watch, and actually breathe in the moments he is sharing with me, it is magical.

He’ll often say ‘mama mama’ as he plays with his toys; not calling me, just to himself. He’ll say “maymee” if he is talking on a pretend phonecall, or ‘toe tee tooo” if he counts 1,2,3. He has his own language entirely and understands more than I will ever realise. It is fascinating to watch. In the morning, he’ll babble or recently he requests to see Daddy’s video* to him on my phone; then we’ll play before getting out of bed.

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The newest word to his collection is “mummy”. Perfectly pronounced so it actually does sound the way it should. He says it often softly, when he needs me, or when he brings me a book to read to him. He also shouts it, especially when there is a lot going on, he wants to make sure he is heard. As he becomes more assertive, he’s started telling me “no, mummy no” when he doesn’t like something or feels I have done something unfair.

It is by no means easy, but it does feel special. I am mummy, with the superpower of making things better, the person to be mad at, the person to cry to, the person for food, drink, entertainment and comfort. Yet even when its exhausting, when he’s called constantly me and tantrumed all day, when he’s been attached to my hip and nursed non-stop, being mummy is beautiful.

Now, I understand what that lady meant when she spoke of the joy it brought her because now, I feel that joy every time my son asks for his mummy.

* Daddy is away currently but I have a video of him telling Theo that he loves him and is very excited to see him soon. A month ago, Theo would get angry and upset seeing it, so we didn’t watch it, but recently he’s been saying “dada” and “daddy” more, and he loves watching the video! I wouldn’t often advocate screen time before even getting out of bed, but right now, this is the best thing for us and it makes for a happier day.

Life lately

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

We are already in the middle February and I swear yesterday it was the beginning of summer 2018 – Where has the time gone?!

Since I haven’t kept up to date here much, this week I wanted to update you on my life lately; and the rollercoaster it has been. I finally feel like I am settling down again, and am getting comfortable in my home, the home that I have changed drastically in the last month. But that’s getting ahead of myself; for a proper update, I need to actually backtrack briefly to the end of last summer…

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Summer really did fly by, I picked up my camera and I started falling in love with photography again. It spurred my series of Fortnightly Photos that I posted here, though keeping them fortnightly towards the end proved harder than I had hoped. I have stopped that project now for a while, but have by no means put down the camera. As my joy with photography set off, I decided to offer it professionally – outdoor family/children’s portrait photography mostly, but I have been studying and learning about working within studio settings too, as well as abstract photography, travel and much more. I am not busy within this small business, but I love it, and I know that if it is meant to be, then clients will come. As long as I can provide the service with a genuine love for capturing people, then I will be happy to continue.

While doing this, I continued my online studying and by Christmas I had qualified with Warrior’s at Ease as a Level 1 Trauma Sensitive Yoga teacher to work within military communities. It is something I am extremely excited about offering in the near future but I am not quite there yet.

Moving back to Scotland, permanently this time was exciting and difficult. There was a lot of learning for H and I because we needed to find a balance between work, parenting, our marriage and having our own down time. There were many great moments and many fights, we aren’t perfect but after being apart so long, we both knew it would be hard work. Now, he’s on patrol, and won’t be back for some weeks yet, so we will have to go backwards a bit, and get used to life together again.

Family Photos pre-patrol (6)

We knew he was going, so I went home to my parents for Christmas and he went off to find Nemo!

Then the fun bit came… we went to a family wedding in Jakarta.

35 hours on 3 different flights, my parents, brother, cousin and 17 month old son made the trip. Poor Theo (my son) has been on more flights in his life than I think he’d ever care to think about! He is an absolute trooper. We arrived and he wasn’t well, and progressively got worse over 4 days before we took him to A&E and got admitted to hospital. We missed our flight(s) home and got back 8 days later, safe and healthy. It was scary but we survived, and a week later were home in Scotland!

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Student Motherhood: Guest Post by Emily Duff

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Hello,

I am collecting stories of student motherhood, to normalise the experience and to help new student mums (whether at school, college, university or later in life), feel that the struggles they go through are normal; something I think I’d have benefited from in my own experiences. Therefore, I am reaching out and asking for help – if you are/were a student mum – or dad! – then please contact me, I would love to hear your story, and share it if you’ll let me.

This story was kindly sent to me by Emily Duff of JAE Consultancy.

Introduce yourself:

Hi I’m Emily, and at 21 years old I found myself a student and an unexpected first-time mum. I now have a beautiful 4-year-old son and run my own marketing business specialising in social media and blog writing for small businesses. I started my agency, JAE Consultancy, in 2018 to give me the opportunity to make the most of both the parenting and working worlds. In between managing clients’ social media accounts, cooking dinner and participating in my son’s school’s PTA, I love to write creatively and binge watch one too many Netflix series!

How did you feel finding out you were pregnant? What were the circumstances?

I was in my first year of University studying for a degree in English Language with a minor in Creative Writing, and at the start of my second semester I found out unexpectedly I was 5 months pregnant. I had no bump, no sickness, and any tiredness I had put down to being a full-time student whilst working. To say it was a shock was an understatement! Many people didn’t believe I was pregnant at first as it wasn’t visible, and I have to say I totally milked the opportunity to eat snacks in my 3-hour-long lectures.

What was your pregnancy like? Were there any highlight moments or struggles? How did you cope?

From the day of finding out I was pregnant to the day I gave birth was 13 weeks. I had to sort out maternity leave from my part-time job at a coffee shop, sitting my university exams and buying everything needed for a baby in that short time, plus deal with my body’s changes. My partner and I luckily had a steady roof over our heads and we both had worked and saved money, so we were able to get everything we needed in time, but it was a struggle to juggle family, university and work while heavily pregnant. I managed to sit my exam on a Friday, and went into labour on the Saturday, so everything worked out ok in the end!.

The first weeks of motherhood, what were they like?

I was very fortunate in that my son’s birth was uncomplicated and he took to breast feeding without any problems, and although the first few weeks of motherhood seemed a blur, they were filled with happy moments and just an overwhelming sense of calm and achievement. I was on a long summer break from university, and on paid maternity leave, so I really enjoyed having 24/7 bonding time with my tiny baby.

Going back to study; did you want to? How did you feel? How did you juggle everything?

I made an unusual choice in going back to studying straight away, rather than deferring for a year. It meant that my son was just 4 months old, and we had to place him with a local childminder. That in itself was a heart wrench, but we had found an amazing woman who exceeded my expectations with how she looked after my son. In fact, she’s now considered part of the family and he cannot remember life without her.

My university timetable meant that I was on site 2 days a week, and could study from home the other days. This worked out amazingly as I could spend more time at home with my baby rather than forking out for full-time childcare. I must say my second year at university was a lot easier than my third – having a child under one and writing essays is a lot easier than having a 2 year old on the move while writing a dissertation!

Of course there were days when I just wanted to be at home with my son, and I did miss out on some special moments such as his first trip to a beach, but luckily the communication between the childminder and myself meant that my son was never without and he had a very supportive and enjoyable time with all of us.

The hardest thing about being a mum at university was missing out on the social aspects. A lot of the events associated with the Creative Writing side of my degree were in the evenings, which meant I missed a lot of outings. However, my lecturers and fellow students really embraced my son, and so we sneaked him into a lot of social events such as poetry readings and Christmas parties.

Where are you now in your life/studies? Do you have any plans for the future?

I graduated with a 2:1 degree (Hons) in English Language with a minor in Creative Writing in 2016 when my son was just 2 years old. I am really glad I continued with my degree and saw it through to the end when my son was so young, as it meant I was able to get a steady graduate job and income by the time he was aware and at nursery. I would love to be able to do a Masters Degree in the future, but as I’m undecided in my topic choice it is on hold at the moment.

Lastly, do you have any advice for student mums/dads?

I always get asked how I did it, and I have to say that being in a routine was fundamental to me studying and being a parent. My son’s routine did not change; he had set meal times, nap times and bed times regardless of if he was with me or the childminder, and having these time routines meant I had time to do parent things as well as to study.

On the days my son was at the childminder’s, I maximised my hours at university by spending spare hours in the library, getting ahead with reading and starting assignments so nothing was left to a typical student last-minute rush.

The best thing to do is to show your child that you can achieve anything you set your mind to through hard work and dedication, and I think any student mum or dad shows this in the most remarkable and inspiring way.

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Emily Duff is a millennial who grew up around social media and technology. She launched JAE Consultancy in January 2018 to help small businesses get their social media profiles off the ground. Based on her son’s initials, JAE Consultancy has a personal approach that makes individuals feel at ease at the beginning of their business journeys. Emily strives to achieve excellence in everything she does for her clients, and loves seeing people succeed in their own companies.  

Emily can be contacted via the links below:

Returning to Writing

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

For those who follow my blogging, you have probably noticed that in the last few months I have taken a huge back-step from writing. I hadn’t realised the blessing my degree provided in that while I worked on assignments, taking a break would allow me to create content for my blog. Once I graduated, my laptop was open less, and weeks turned into months without me sitting down to write. I have moved from being a student mum to a SAHMAW and am still adjusting to the demands of my (semi) newly acquired title.

I have decided however, that now is a good time to return to blogging. Prompted by my latest guest post, I am committing myself to my blog once more, starting with an explanation of what a SAHMAW is:

Stay

At

Home

Mum

And

Wife.

I currently also answer to “mummy” “mammy” “memmeee” and various other names given to me by my toddler this week!

Moving away from being a university student was rewarding but hard, part of me really misses my time at uni. With my tiny baby, I thought I would never graduate and the long nights of feeding and soothing would never end; but they did, too quickly.

I started 2018 as someone who had assignment to do, deadlines to meet and actions to justify (to real adults/figures of authority), as well as be ‘mum’ and keep my tiny human alive, healthy and happy. I graduated, moved up to Scotland to live with my husband and suddenly, I became a housewife/stay at home mum. By the end of the 2018, the main focus of my life was when daddy would be back for dinner, and getting ready for him to leave on patrol.

The transition has been hard. I miss the buzz of uni, but I am nostalgic and romantic; life as a student mum was harder than this life now. I am blessed to have this time with my son, and I am grateful to be sharing every day with him.

I am a SAHMAW and proud. It is not a path many of my old friends are likely to take, and it is a path that outside the military community, I have already been tutted at for. But it works for us. Staying home and running the house, keeping my toddler entertained and safe, running a small business and trying to keep myself mentally challenged as well; we know how to keep busy!

Being a SAHMAW can be a little crazy sometimes, but there is a lot of love and laughter. I do miss being a student, but just because I don’t attend lectures, doesn’t mean I stop learning. I have completed 1 yoga course, am halfway through a photography one and have some more yoga and learning in the pipeline. Having a toddler also means constant reading (while he sleeps) about growth, children and parenting. There is always more to learn and the biggest teacher is often my son.

I’ll stop rambling now. Thanks for reading.

X

R

The Nature of the Mind

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Another of my Raja Course Essays. I am working on them slowly, and have a couple more to publish here. Once these are done, I am planning to take a back-step, because at the moment, it’s not high enough on my priority list, and I want to give this course my full attention. I wrote this one in October 2018: 

The Nature of the Mind: 

The nature of the Seer (our true selves) is impacted heavily by the mind. The mind, to use an analogy is like a lake; when the lake is still and clear, there is peace in our thoughts. We are able to look into the lake and see ourselves clearly; a true reflection. However, when the lake is murky, or there are ripples in the water – our busy thought forms – the reflection is distorted. We are unable to see ourselves in our true form, because, as Swami Satchidanda said, the mind is coloured. The goal of yoga is to restrain the mind, to free us from the bondage created by these thought forms; known as vrittis so that we can cultivate peace and harmony in our lives.

In the practice of yoga, through meditation, we observe our minds without judgement. In time, with regular practice and dedication to ourselves, we see that our minds are less busy, and that our thoughts are useful. In more time, we are told by experienced practitioners and the great gurus and spiritual leaders, that we can turn off our thoughts, and experience total stillness; a perfect reflection in the lake of our minds. This is what the Sutra’s tell us, once we have managed yogas chittas vrittis nirodhah, we can abide in our own true nature (Sutra 1:3 – tada drastuh svarupe vasthanam).

Patanjali tells us that the vrittis are the key. These 5 mental modifications that can either be painful (selfish) or painless (selfless).

  1. Right Knowledge: we can choose to be indifferent, or we can choose to learn about our high self, to do good, and to be good.
  2. Misconception: when we do not understand the full story yet make judgement/observations based on only what we know – e.g. the coiled rope being mistaken for the snake. As we modify our minds through yoga, we are able to understand that there is knowledge missing, so we seek it.
  3. Verbal delusion: when words are used to convey images that are not true to reality. If we are able to modify our minds, we can sense verbal delusion from others and use our discriminative discernment to maintain our truth. Additionally, we would not use verbal delusion with others.
  4. Sleep: our minds are not blank in sleep, and through meditation, we can modify this vritti to influence our minds even as we dream.
  5. Memory: our minds attach emotions to memory and often this leads to feelings of regret or sorrow if the memory is associated with a bad experience. Through yoga, we can modify our thought patterns and let go of this attachment to the emotion and accept that we cannot change what has already occurred.

Authors Epiphany:

In relation to the last vritti, there is a quote that comes to mind:

The past does not exist, but you are dealing with the non-existent, going about as if it is a reality. That is the whole illusion. Mind is the basis of this.[i]

The past only exists in our heads, because when we write it or verbalise is, the full experience is lost. Words are able to convey experiences only as far as the person listening or reading can associate a personal experience to. This is the beauty of the mind. The mind allows us to understand pain, because we have felt it, so we can empathise; but our empathy doesn’t mean we are having the same experience, only that our minds have allowed us to understand something similar.

Through meditation, we can free ourselves from the thoughts that ‘weigh us down’, and by doing so, we are able to increase the compassion, love and joy we feel. A clear lake (mind) is the goal of yoga, as set out by Patanjali; it allows us peace and harmony. However, the muddy waters are part of our human experience, and the are what allow us to have an enriched life. The goal for me isn’t a perfectly clear lake all the time; in total honestly, I don’t think that it’s possible. My goal is a clear lake during quiet pockets of the day, but to fill the rest of the day with love, joy, pleasure, laughter; all the things that make life beautiful. Our minds are an incredibly interesting and beautiful and, in some ways, scary place, but that is part of our human experience.

Raising my son, I can see how his mind is shaped by different experiences. I want to make them good, I want to increase his enjoyment and enthusiasm. And, I want him to experience pain. I want him to grow knowing in his mind that pain and pleasure are both fleeting. There must be balance. Sthira and Suka.

As Chögyal Namkhai Norbu said, “Beyond the mind, beyond our thoughts, there is something we call the ‘nature of the mind’, the mind’s true condition, which is beyond all limits. If it is beyond the mind, though, how can we approach an understanding of it?”

I think the nature of the mind is to strive for quiet, for steadiness and for peace; but until the mind has had the opposite, we do not appreciate the silence.

Sources: 

[i][i] https://isha.sadhguru.org/yoga/yoga_articles_mind_stress/yoga-and-the-mind/

Abhyasa vairagyabhyam tannirodhah – Sutra 1:12

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

As part of my Raj Yoga TT, I am writing essays to expand my knowledge of yogic philosophies. This is the 2nd essay that I wrote. I have a few more and am currently working on essay 5. I want to have them on my blog to allow ease of access, and to help anyone who comes across it.

Happy reading,

Xoxo

R

Sutra 1:12

Abhyasa vairagyabhyam tannirodhah

These mental modifications are restrained by practice and non-attachment.

Figure 1

scalesabhyasa

Sutra 1:13 – Of these two, effort towards steadiness of mind is practice.
Sutra 1:14 – Practice becomes firmly grounded when well attended to for a long time, without a break and in all earnestness.
Sutra 1:15 – The consciousness of self-mastery in one who is free from craving for objects seen or heard about is non-attachment
Sutra 1:16 – When there is non-thirst for even the gunas (constituents of Nature) due to realisation of the Purusha (true Self), that is supreme non-attachment.

Introduction:
In Sutra 1:12, Sri Patanjali instructs his readers to work on their minds and thought patterns through practice and non-attachment. Sutras 13, 14, 15 and 16 expand on this one instruction, providing more detail and allowing a better understanding of what Patanjali means by Abhyasa and Vairagya. Both concepts (practice and non-attachment) are inextricably linked, allowing the yogi to restrain their minds when a balance between the two is found (Swami Prabhavananda & Isherwood, 1981, p. 28; Satchidananda, 1990, p.18-19). A cornerstone of yogic practice, Sutra 1:12 provides a window for yoga to come “off the mat” and into daily life. This essay will examine the concepts of practice and non-attachment, focusing first on Sutra 1:12 before turning attention to analysis Bahasa and then Vairagya. Finally, the essay will conclude with a personal interpretation of these sutras, to demonstrate an understanding that goes beyond mere research and explanatory words.

Sutra 1:12
According to Rizopoulos (2017), both practice and non-attachment can serve as a roadmap to aid navigation through life. In her explanation, she says that the basis of Sutra 1:12 is that the efforts made in practice should be determined, but that in equal measure, the outcome of those efforts should not be of concern, i.e. we should not be attached to them. If this is achieved, the mental medications that exist in our minds (vrittis) will lessen. Gannon (2011) expands on this, asserting that through abhyasa and vairagya we can identify with our inner self, essentially echoing Sutra 1:16. The suggestions given to perfect the efforts made are similar to those explained by Swami Satchidananda in his commentary of Sutras 1:13-16 (1990, pp.18-30). Swami Satchidananda makes these sutras accessible, referring to temples and churches as social centre’s and demystifying the idea that through renouncing worldly goods, there is no enjoyment in life. The explanations given do not give false hope that mastery over the mind through abhyasa and vairagya is easy, but rather, provide suggestions for the reader to apply them in their own way.

Abhyasa:
Practice, Sri Patanjali says must continue “for a long time, without a break and in all earnestness” (Swami Satchidananda, 1990, p.20). The abstract nature of Sutra 1:14 allows the student to interpret and apply it in their own way. The long time necessary may feel daunting at first, but if determined, a habit can be created, which for a keen student may lead to a lifetime commitment to their practice. This practice can be a daily meditation but is not limited to it; many yogis commit to a vegetarian diet, or fasting, others to Karma or Bhakti yoga. The commitment of time demonstrates the earnestness of the student, as illustrated by Swami Satchidananda’s commentary about the amount of births one must go through before reaching heaven (1990, p.21).
There is no shortage of ways to begin establishing a committed practice, and often starting with one leads to the accumulation of more over years. Bryant (2013) suggests that cultivating a Hatha Yoga practice is pathway to train the mind towards abhyasa, because the disciple of rolling out a yoga mat and moving the body is created. Hatha yoga, especially within the Western world is often the gateway for people into the more spiritual side of yoga, alongside the science of the mind.

Vairagya:
Non-attachment from sensory objects is referred to by Sri Patanjali as “self-mastery” (Swami Satchidananda, 1990, p.23). In his commentary, Swami Satchidananda warns that non-attachment is not the same as indifference, but rather it is the ability to let go of the mind’s desires. This ‘letting go’ takes a lot of work, hence its relationship abhyasa. Gannon (2011) explains that vairagya is “facing something – even positive – and not identifying with it,” because while the mind may relate to something and allow it to be defining, the inner, true Self, is not defined by sensory experiences. However, beautifully worded by Malossi (2013), part of the human condition is to cling onto what we like and shun what we don’t like. Ironically this is what leads to most of human suffering as well; the inability to ‘let go’ of our clinging and aversion often leads to mental battles that if unresolved, lead to physical tension. Swami and Isherwood emphasise also that the practice of non-attachment should not be seen as a “kind of sel-torture” but rather the key to freedom.

My Understanding:
Sutra’s 1:12-16 provide us with the necessary tools to work on our minds and move towards a state of peace in our true Self. However, finding the balance between dedication to practice and working on lessening attachment is particularly difficult. Personally, I am goal driven, so I will put the effort in and practice wholeheartedly for what I want to achieve, but I am determined to see the result gained and am attached to it. This determination has stood me in good stead for example, in completing my degree, but has also let me down when results for specific assignments felt unjust and made me upset. The idea of sitting with pain, or joy or any emotion that exists, understanding that emotion and then letting it pass is a beautiful one on paper, but one I have found increasingly challenging. I am better at recognising negative emotions, and often I attempt to let go of resentment or ill-feeling, but it is a practice that seems forgotten in the ‘good times’. In my meditation practice, I often pull my mind back from making ‘To Do’ lists or mulling over events that have occurred. When I started, I couldn’t sit for more than 1 minute in quietness, now, provided my son allows me the time, I can sit for 5-8 minutes, though my thoughts do run away at times. To aid myself, I focus on an image of the Om, or use mantra.
I understand these 5 Sutras to mean that as a student, I should hold myself steady in my convictions and be determined in what I aim to accomplish, while also understanding that the results of my work are not mine to hold and lock away, but rather that they exist independently from me. These Sutras tell me that the journey towards the goal, of graduating, of more sleep, of a detailed plan, or anything else, is much more important that my arrival at that place. For this, the story of Narada telling the yogi he had as many births as the leaves on a tree before he met the lord, comes to mind, because it encompasses everything I am striving for: patience, acceptance and joy.

References:

Student Motherhood and Me; Guest Post: Diane Watt

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Hello,

I am collecting stories of student motherhood, to normalise the experience and to help new student mums (whether at school, college, university or later in life), feel that the struggles they go through are normal; something I think I’d have benefited from in my own experiences. Therefore, I am reaching out and asking for help – if you are/were a student mum – or dad! – then please contact me, I would love to hear your story, and share it if you’ll let me.

A huge thank you to Diane who I met with her lovely children a few weeks ago. She, like me lived in Portsmouth and graduated from the University of Portsmouth and is now working on her own small business. 

Without further ado, here is her Q&A about student mum life: 

Introduce yourself:

I’m Diane, a mum of three to Kaiya, 7, Skye, 4 and Lennox also 4 (that’s right – double trouble!). I was born in Zimbabwe, and spent 10 years in Portsmouth, where I met my partner and had my three beautiful children. I now live in the Helensburgh, a beautiful town on the west coast of Scotland.

How did you feel finding out you were pregnant? What were the circumstances?

I found out I was pregnant in the summer after my first year of university was complete. It was a HUGE shock as it wasn’t planned. I remember crying in Asda toilets after taking a test as I hadn’t had my period that day. It sounds strange to even think about a test so early on but I could set my clock by my cycles, so had a feeling something wasn’t right. I had been dating my boyfriend at the time for a year and a half, he was in the navy so was constantly away and my family lived in other towns and cities and I still lived in a shared house with my uni mates. It was very daunting and scary trying to figure out living arrangements and how to get organised for this little bundle arriving in a few months. I had to figure out what to do with my studies. I decided to continue with my course up until 2 weeks before my due date. My course tutor was incredibly supportive in terms of extra tutor time to help me getting projects completed and allowing access to the studio earlier and later than scheduled times.

What was your pregnancy like? Were there any highlight moments or struggles? How did you cope?

I found the beginning of my pregnancy very difficult. Morning sickness took over and I could hardly eat in the first few months. I was tired all the time; I think trying to juggle a part time job (I was working up to 24 hrs a week) and university may have played a part in exhaustion too! My second trimester was more enjoyable, I had more energy and I discovered a lovely aquanatal class at my local leisure centre. I met my first group of mum friends and their support was invaluable! My partner was away for weeks at at time, so having friends going through pregnancy at similar stages  and for support was comforting. I managed to complete my second year of university 3 weeks before my due date. I found it so challenging; with morning sickness, tiredness, fainting in the studio and waddling in the library to complete my dissertation. I found that I was judged a lot, heavily pregnant, you do really stand out.

The first weeks of motherhood, what were they like?

Meeting my daughter Kaiya for the first time was incredible. I really enjoyed bonding and breastfeeding. Although I had made new mum friends, I did find it rather difficult with my friends; Some distanced themselves from me because I wasn’t the party girl going to student nights out. I had responsibility and someone who depends on me so I had to change my life and grow up. I think in my head I didn’t expect relationships to change but looking back, my real friends were right by my side through every stage.

Going back to study; did you want to? How did you feel? How did you juggle everything?

I went back to finish my last semester when Kaiya was 7 months old. I was really overwhelmed going back because everything was new, even though I knew the building and the tutors, I didn’t know anyone in the class. With everyone in their solid friendships of almost 3 years, I felt  very alone. I would often have lunch on my own in the studio while everyone was out. It would give me a chance to get more work done but I couldn’t help but feel left out. I found leaving Kaiya incredibly hard. I was still breastfeeding her so I would sometimes have to go to the nursery to feed her. She was in nursery 8 til 6, which is such a long time to leave her and I missed her terribly. I knew I only had to get through the next few months and work as hard as I can to finish. I had made a promise to myself that I would complete my degree and that’s what I did. Taking Kaiya to my graduation was one of the proudest moments of my life. I graduated with a BA Hons Fashion and Textiles with design and enterprise.

Where are you now in your life/studies? Do you have any plans for the future?

I have recently started a business working from home doing clothing alterations and sewing commissions. I’m working towards offering sewing classes in the future and helping to organise a design workshops with a fashion show at my children’s school. Further down the line I aspire to create a childrenswear brand, offering vintage inspired bespoke clothing.

Lastly, do you have any advice for student mums/dads?

My advice would be, take help whenever it’s offered. I can understand people feel the pressure to ‘do it all’. Its so easy to get stressed and worked up, you’ll be far more productive when you have more time on your hands, you’re less stressed and you’re well rested.

Thank’s for reading – please reach out if you have a story you’d like to share! 

Xox

R

Student Motherhood & Me: Guest Post by The MummyBou Chronicles

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Hello,

I am collecting stories of student motherhood, to normalise the experience and to help new student mums (whether at school, college, university or later in life), feel that the struggles they go through are normal; something I think I’d have benefited from in my own experiences. Therefore, I am reaching out and asking for help – if you are/were a student mum – or dad! – then please contact me, I would love to hear your story, and share it if you’ll let me.

A huge thank you to Michaela, my first guest in this venture. Michaela has a fantastic blog called The MummyBou Chronicles where she blogs about motherhood, student motherhood, travel and much more. Once you’re done here, go check out her blog!

Without further ado, here is her Q&A about student mum life: 

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Introduce yourself :

I’m Michaela, I’m a 28-year-old mum to Mayarna and wife to be to OJ. I live in a little town called Huddersfield and I have my own Events Management business called MJM Events Management. I have recently become an Independent Usborne Organiser and run Michaela’s Magical World of Tales.

How did you feel finding out you were pregnant? What were the circumstances?

I was over the moon to find out I was pregnant! Me and OJ had thought about trying, not realising I was already pregnant when we started (haha!). I had been out for a couples dinner and something told me the next morning to do a test. It was positive but I didn’t believe it until I went to the Doctors 2 weeks later. I had wanted to be a mum for as long as I can remember, so finding out I was pregnant was amazing news not just for me but OJ and both our families.

What was your pregnancy like? Were there any highlight moments or struggles? How did you cope?

My pregnancy was straightforward until roughly 6 months. I got pelvic girdle pain which was where my nerves were getting trapped from the pressure of my baby and my bones were pushing against each other. Some days I would seize up and couldn’t get out of bed. I was given a crutch to help me walk in the end of my pregnancy as it started to get bad. Plus it was winter time so the cold did not help.

But I loved my bump and I loved feeling my princess growing inside me and her kicks getting stronger each day. I also loved seeing her on the scans. That was awesome! Me and OJ were amazed every time to see just how active she was.

The first weeks of motherhood, what were they like?

The first weeks of motherhood were overwhelmingly emotional.

I knew I’d be tired but I felt like I’d been hit by a truck! I was absolutely drained, loss of appetite and felt very tender. Plus I was breastfeeding and my breast were super tender. I felt like I wasn’t coping at all and cried for nearly every day in the first month. I was overwhelmed by everything; my birth was long and tiring and I didn’t sleep for a week afterwards as I kept thinking about it and crying. But I had excellent support from OJ, my parents and my siblings and also my health visitor who was fantastic.

Going back to study; did you want to? How did you feel? How did you juggle everything?

In regards to studying, I decided I wanted to get my degree in Events Management so I could gain more experience in Events and open my own business. I started a distant learning online Access course whilst I was pregnant and took a 2 month break when I had my little girl. But it was overwhelming! The course was super hard and it was stressing me out. I recently realised that I don’t  need a degree to open my own business (the main reason I was going to university). I gave up my access course and I am now studying an online Start Your Own Business course which is perfect. I study for 2 hours a day when Mayarna sleeps and it’s so much more relaxed. Once I complete that I will do an online Events course instead which will be so much more suitable for me. Studying with a baby is difficult and I recommend having a good support system or time management skills because it is very easy to fall behind, as I know too well!

Where are you now in your life/studies? Do you have any plans for the future?

My future plans are to complete my studies and focus on building my business up. It’s not easy but I do it for my family and to carry out my dream.

Thank’s for reading – please reach out if you have a story you’d like to share! 

Xox

R

Student Motherhood & Me

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Hello,

I want to collect stories of student motherhood, to normalise the experience and to help new student mums (whether at school, college, university or later in life), feel that the struggles they go through are normal; something I think I’d have benefited from in my own experiences. Therefore, I am reaching out and asking for help – if you are/were a student mum – or dad! – then please contact me, I would love to hear your story, and share it if you’ll let me.

It seems only fitting then, that I should be the first person to share on here, but I do hope that this will grow into something much bigger than me, and my story.

Introduce yourself:

My name is Rohana and I am a stay at home mum to a beautiful boy born just a few weeks before I began my last year of university. I have an amazing husband who’s in the Navy, I am a yoga teacher and I have a degree in International Relations and Politics.

How did you feel finding out you were pregnant? What were the circumstances?

I found out I was pregnant on a Sunday afternoon before teaching a yoga class. I already had a feeling that I was, but I ordered a pack of tests on Amazon, and took 2 into the bathroom with me. When I found out I was shaking; my housemate was in my room with my fiancé (now husband) so I waited for her to leave before going in.

I was scared. I felt like everything I knew was crumbling away… so I ignored it temporarily, taught my yoga classes and then walked home with my fiancé (aka H).

My circumstances were not ideal, H is in the Navy and was moving away 2 months later and I was in the middle of my degree.

What was your pregnancy like? Were there any highlight moments or struggles? How did you cope?

I think overall my pregnancy was pretty great. My first trimester flew by because of university assignments and wedding planning – once we had decided that we were going to brave the idea of having a baby and keep going at the pace we were, H suggested that we bring forward our wedding. We had hoped to get married after I graduated, but he knew how important it was to me that we got married before having kids. We got married in January, just before he moved away.

I had a lot of support from friends and family (once the shock settled), which made me feel stronger about my situation. That said, I also had a lot of criticism too; many people thought I was crazy, and many people said I’d never cope. The truth was that I did feel crazy, but I was determined not to doubt myself.

The most scary part was when I was 12 weeks pregnant and we had a mini car accident and I bled for 2 days.

The hardest part was the disconnect H and I had, because we were living very separate lives, and though time together was lovely, there was a lack of understanding between us. This of course was nobody’s fault, but I think he’ll agree was a significant struggle for us.

The best part was my yoga practice and the relationship I had with my body; because it wasn’t just me, I took much better care of myself than I had previously. I would practice Hatha yoga and meditate regularly, and I ate really well (after the first trimester anyway!).

The first weeks of motherhood, what were they like?

My birth experience was a good one but honestly, I can’t really remember much of the first weeks. The first 5 days I was in hospital due to a vaginal haematoma and unable to do very much. Once out of hospital, I had 1 day with H before he left to go back to work. I chose to breastfeed but the first month was a real struggle and I did consider switching to formula on some days where my son cluster-fed; now I look back and am glad I kept going, but I am also a lot more informed about babies feeding habits.

I had a lot of support and was lucky enough to be living at my parents house so I didn’t have to worry about cooking or household things; it was me and my son 100%. I got more confident as the weeks went by – and as he got bigger!

I didn’t always follow the advice of “sleep when the baby sleeps” even when I had the opportunities. If I could go back, this is probably the only thing I’d do differently.

Going back to study; did you want to? How did you feel? How did you juggle everything?

Initially, the days I was in hospital, I thought I would not go back to uni. I had baby blues and felt like I couldn’t cope. 5 weeks later though, I was packing and my dad was booked on the flight with me to stay a couple of days and help me settle.

I was nervous, excited, scared. I definitely wanted to be studying, but a part of me also wished I wasn’t, because it did feel like a lot of pressure.

I had Theo in a cot at the start, but we soon began co-sleeping full-time. Mostly, I found baby and studying to be exhausting – I loved being back at uni and learning, but I couldn’t fully participate or prepare for every lecture/seminar because I had other things to do. I napped when I could, and looking back, I know that it was so much easier with a tiny baby versus having an older baby/toddler because at least he slept more, and if he didn’t, at least he stayed still! I would read seminar material out loud, or discuss my assignments with him, using the conversation as a sounding board. Admittedly, maybe nursery rhymes and kids stories were more appropriate that discussions about NGOs and political economy, but he didn’t mind, and it allowed me to get my work done.

Later on in the year it became more difficult, as Theo Prana wanted to interact with my friends and lecturers and be involved with classes, but everyone was very supportive. My friends (and parents when they visited) babysat if I needed them too. I taught a weekly yoga class so they helped then too. My tutors were also very understanding about absences, and my personal tutor gave me the necessary pep-talks to keep me going. H was deployed in the last few months so he couldn’t be down, but it meant that he got time with us when he was back (and I was assignment free!)

The last month; dissertation month, I was blessed with a vacancy in the university nursery for Theo, so he attended 4 half-day sessions of nursery which allowed me to get on top of deadlines, finish my dissertation (with my mum proof-reading everything as well), and pack to move out of my flat.

When I went back I never thought I would make it to the end, I thought I’d quit by my 8-week grace period… but I didn’t and I know now, having made it out the other side, that it was worth the hard work and exhaustion.

Where are you now in your life/studies? Do you have any plans for the future?

Right now I am taking a break from studying. I am living with my husband for the first time in our relationship, and we are focusing on building the foundations of our home and family. I am doing self-study yoga courses and I am keeping myself busy, but I am not ready to go back to a university setting. I do hope to in the future at some point.

I have future plans, but nothing concrete; I’ve picked up my camera again, I am focusing on my yoga and I am taking some time to ‘just be’ without planning too far ahead. Eventually, things will fall into place anyway, so I want to make the most of being a stay at home mum now, and enjoy my growing boy.

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Thank you for reading,

If you are/have been a student mum, or know anyone who is/has, please reach out and hopefully we can build this up.

Xoxo

R