Mother’s Day, Family Time and Food for Thought

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Mothers Day – my weekend away

This weekend I travelled to Cardiff to see family and basically procrastinate my presentation. Of course, in Britain its mothers day today so the weekend has tied in nicely with celebrating and having some quality time with my Great Aunt and her daughter… to make life easier I’ll call them G and Aunty K.

I’ve spent the weekend with Aunty K and her family who have super busy lives so it has been pretty non-stop but also a really nice change. The kids are very intelligent and curious, and parents work hard with G being here to help out – I’ve grown up with them so it’s always nice to catch up but really its the first time I’ve been to their house. We might be in the same country but schedules can conflict and even though it’s only 3 hours away by train, it’s still a bit of a trek so inevitably with assessments and bump growing I’ve made excuses. That said, I am glad I finally made the time.

To top things off, Cardiff has had one of it’s rare weekends of sun so yesterday we had a girls day out and rather than cinema or shop we spent a few hours walking around making the most of the weather.

I have really missed my mum this weekend though!
And my Nani (grandma) too actually. We don’t have a lot in common but my Nani is like a second mum at times, and we were quite close when I was younger so it would have been wonderful to spend the day with the both of them.

I am looking forward to going home in just over a week! It is seriously brilliant that the term has ended, though it also means that I am much farther along in the pregnancy and I can’t quite comprehend how quickly everything has happened.

I think eventually I’ll dedicate an entire post to my mum because our relationship is not one I can sum up in a few words; she is the most wonderful person and I have a lot to thank her for. I am a little gutted that I couldn’t celebrate her this weekend but I will definitely do my best when I am home – she deserves it!

Food for Thought

They have some really good basic rules here which I like. I’m sure there are loads more because the place runs like a well oiled machine but from what I’ve seen I think I’d like to steal and adapt these:
No phones at the table
Family board-game every Saturday
Adults need time to themselves in the evening 
I definitely want to lead by example and have no phones at mealtime… even though sometimes it’s a little annoying, it makes a big difference to the conversation. Also the family board-game idea is wonderful because again it is cultivating this idea of family time being an essential part of the week…
Homework is a priority here and that is to me a no-brainer! I have always appreciated the persistence of my parents in encouraging my academic life and I intend to do the same with my children. I also like the idea of being involved the way my parents were so that they know what school is like. By the time bump goes to school the system will have completely evolved from what I went through so it’s a good way to keep up to date.
Another thing I really love is the influence of music. The kids are all at some level focused on an instrument or their voice and I think it’s super important… personally I have no musical talent though I love to sing, but my brother is very musical and I want to encourage that in bump and whatever siblings he ends up with.  That said, he’s kicking as I write so maybe he likes the idea!
 
It’s by no means a perfect household… and some aspects of the tight ship are not ever going to be a possibility for us and our little family but I do aspire to having kids that are as ambitious as these guys; they work hard and it pays off.
I guess really I can’t plan too far ahead, but I do want to build a solid foundation of trust and openness and appreciation of family time. I see technology advancing and look back at my childhood – I might only be 20 but the world has changed a lot and I do in some ways fear becoming lazy because technology is such an easy solution for entertainment etc
Alas, we cannot predict the future so whatever will be, will be…

Am I a mum yet?

Even more than enjoying the day and missing my mum, I have been hit with the realisation that next year, I will have my own son to celebrate with. He may be too little to have a clue what the day is but I never imagined myself celebrating it at 21.

Aunty K actually gave me a card and little pressie because I’m ‘joining the mum club’ and in some ways, even though my baby is still small and nestled safely inside me, I do feel like a mum. Every time he moves I am reminded of the little miracle inside me… my husband say’s it doesn’t count but I believe it does. I love my baby already so much and even though I haven’t held him, I am a mum-to-be and while it scares me it also is the most wonderful feeling.

Pregnancy Part 2 – Sex Surprise and Uni Life

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

Restarting and introduction

So my first blog post was at 21 weeks, I am now 22 and 1 day and I think looking at it now, I really overthought what I was writing. I meant a lot of it and it was cathartic to go through the discovery of my tiny human because I haven’t really processed it until now. That said, I want this blog to be a place of discovery and thought, but also a place where if anyone does read it, people can see what life as a student with a baby is like.

I am blessed to have the support of my wonderful parents, and am genuinely so lucky to have my husband be the man he is. While my parents won’t mind too much if I write about them, I will be more vague about my husband, because he likes to keep a low profile on the internet and I respect that.

Anyway, I want to use this as a place to share my reality, so here goes…

My baby is a boy!👦

We found a few days ago and it was super exciting. I have been too busy to write until now but am finally doing it…

My husband was visiting uni for the weekend (we do live apart because I am a student and he works) so I booked us a gender scan to find out. It was the first scan he has been able to come to and honestly the trip was worth it just to watch him watch our baby… he is going to be such an amazing dad.
The lady at the clinic also showed us a 4D scan and he is convinced that baby boy does not have my nose – something he has pointed out is in fact a blessing because I have a large nose. Still, the look on his face as he saw the baby move inside me is a memory I will cherish forever.

It’s odd actually, I had felt for a few weeks before finding out that baby was a boy…my housemate
Danielle and I both had a joke about it as I was getting bigger… but now that I know, I can’t quite get used to referring to the bump as “he”. I suppose when we pick a name it’ll get easier but we are still a bit stuck on that.

Student Life…

Being a student last year was fantastic in a lot of ways, and also sucked in a lot of ways. I did really well in lessons and assignments but I didn’t really do much else. Danielle and I had a lot of movie nights, and I watched a lot of telly… Basically I did not live the ‘student life’ people always rave about: I didn’t want to.

This year, I was determined to change that so I set up a yoga society (I’ll do a post about yoga soon!) and I joined the Southampton University Royal Navy Unit (SURNU) as well. I was (and am technically) treasure for the Photography society and a course rep. In other words, I wanted to have a social life but I made sure that it was still revolving around things I liked and would not necessarily involve large amounts of alcohol.

My social life has been better… and even though I found out I was pregnant in November, I am still part of SURNU – an associate member, and I teach yoga between 1 and 3 times a week. As a society we do a quiz at the union every week or couple of weeks and I have made a lot of really good friends through the society so it’s been a real blessing to have. The only thing that has suffered is photography because I initially had a lesson that clashed with it and after that I was too tired to go out after a long day so I have been a pretty terrible committee member for them.

Uni-wise, I am a solid 2.1 student and I do work hard, but I also procrastinate and sometimes the idea of a 2000 word essay makes me want to curl up and quit… t’s not the most fun time but little kicks and flutters remind me that I am studying for a reason. In the end, when my baby and I cross the finish line and graduate (yes, he will graduate too – he knows lots about my course because I study by reading aloud), it will definitely be worth it.

I don’t think being pregnant has (yet) impacted my life regarding my course directly… sure there were lectures at the start where I had to leave to throw up my breakfast and others I have missed for scan appointments or just sheer exhaustion but I still show up, I do my work and I am trying. My social life would probably be a bit more exotic if I was not carrying the bump around but I don’t mind it really so I haven’t lost out… Next year will be the big test so we’ll see.

I don’t have much else to say at the moment so I will awkwardly sign off… I’ll write soon 🙂

Pregnancy Part 1 – Discovery

| Rohana Aisha Dewfall

There are a lot of things in life that make up a person; their name, their gender identity, their family and friends. It’s crazy when you think about it, that every little interaction and experience we have ever had contributes to who we are. I have been arrogant enough to often think that I am not influenced by society; that I am not a ‘sheep’ but rather that I am a person who can rise about the labels of society.  The reality is however, that I am just another woman who is a culmination of all my experiences, and so I have decided to write them down. I want to document my life experiences as a student, and a mum and a yogi on her journey to peace.

Today, I am 21 weeks pregnant and both exited and terrified. As a child, I have no idea what my stance on having children was, but as a young teenager I hated the idea – marriage and a family were for women who were conforming with society and I wanted no part in it. When I started dating my husband, things began to change. He is a family man and as things got serious and we talked about it, I discovered that the idea of having a family appealed to me – but of course, that would after I had a fancy career and had built a life for myself. I think back to the woman I was then and laugh; I was naïve to think that I could ever be in control of such things. So, I sit here, in my messy room of a university flat, aged 20 and 21 weeks pregnant. My life couldn’t be more different than what I had imagined at 15.

It’s sad but I can’t remember the date in November that I found out about my pregnancy. What I can remember is that I was not happy about it…

My then fiancé (we got married in January) was over visiting me at university for the weekend and I couldn’t shake a nagging feeling that something was up. We talked about it but we were both sure I couldn’t be pregnant – I was on the pill and we’d been careful so it seemed almost impossible. I had a pregnancy test in my room, that I had bought over a year before after a missed pill and mental freak out, but then my period had arrived and there was no need for it, so I took that test, and I was negative. Still, I had a weird feeling, and during my meditation I felt like I needed to buy another and test again. So I went online and ordered a pack of early detection tests and waited.

It was a Sunday. I had a double yoga class to teach from 16:30 and by 15:00 the tests were still not here. We got ready, and at 15:20 they arrived. Should I take them before class? Or should I wait until the morning? I decided to take them. I took 2 (just to be sure) into the bathroom with me and awkwardly waited until I was calm enough to pee on the sticks. Finished, put them on the side and went to wash my hands and wait. As I waited, my housemate went into my room to talk to my fiancé so those little positive lines came up and I was stuck in my bathroom waiting (and freaking out).

Eventually, she left my room and I walked in with the tests. I didn’t say a word, just held them up. It was 15:50 by this point so after a moment of shock we got up and finished getting ready… I remember trying not to cry. My fiancé hugged me, but I think I pushed him away quite quickly. All I could think was that this wasn’t the way it was meant to be… I had planned to surprise him by buying a baby grow that said “I love my daddy” on it, or by snail mailing him a scan picture; I had not planned for him to be sat nervously waiting on my bed and trying to hug me as a comfort as we both felt the weight of this life changing moment.

After the yoga classes, we walked back to the car, and drove it to my flat so that my fiancé could leave for work in the morning. We talked about our options then… talked about the reality of my pregnancy and bless him, despite wanting a family so very much, my fiancé was extremely supportive of the fact that I didn’t feel ready to be a mum. Truth be told, I still don’t – the enormity of being responsible for a tiny human is something I didn’t anticipate facing for at least another few years, and on that Sunday, I felt like my world was crashing around me.

·         Would I have to quit uni?

·         What would my parents say?

·         I was 20, how could my life already be over?

 

Hundreds of doubts, and quite frankly horrible questions went through my head, and he knew it, because he held my hand and told me that whatever I decided would be okay; he made me calmer and I am eternally grateful for that.

When my baby grows up, I will tell them this. Not because I want to make them feel unwanted – we want this baby, and we already love him/her so very much. I will tell them because I want them to know that despite them being a very big shock to us, I know that my son or daughter is already the most precious gift I could have received from the universe.