Not having read anything unrelated to my degree for what feels like forever, picking up a book and reading it cover to cover has been a refreshing change. Albeit a parenting book, it was nice to break the trend of picking up a book to find only what I needed. I loved it so much that I wanted to share my thoughts with you.

First Impressions:

The cover of the book is honestly not my favourite, but it gets the message across of 2 happy children. Snuggled up, when I look at the cover it speaks of comfort and security; both of these are vital to the content of Gonzalez’s book. 

I opened the book intending to read a couple of pages while my husband and baby slept. Before I knew it, I was a chapter in, and my little boy woke up wondering where I was, so I closed my book and went to comfort him. I distinctly remember wanting to climb back out of bed once he’d fallen asleep because I was so taken in by what I’d read. I loved the introduction where Gonzalez makes clear that this parenting book will not advocate a “one size fits all” style of parenting; rather he made me as a reader feel that he would discuss my child as a human being, with individual needs and a unique personality.

In short, I opened the book and was blown away.

Content:

I won’t go through the entire book but I will point out a couple of key examples that really struck chord with me while reading. Gonzalez discusses various subjects in his chapters, from co-sleeping and breastfeeding, to toddlers playing in the park and the Oedipus complex! The content of the book is extremely varied, which to me shows an honest reflection of parenthood; illustrating all the things parents may consider in the first years of their children’s life.

He cites other authors and specialists, both whom he agrees with, and whom he doesn’t. This was a huge selling point of the book for me, because it’s not just some random opinion, but rather an opinion that also has research to support it. Of course, as Gonzalez demonstrates, there is a lot of research that goes against what he suggests too.

A particularly prevalent example in my life at the moment is the issue of sleep training.

Gonzalez criticises harsher methods of sleep training, such as the “cry it out” method, advocating a gentle approach. He explores the reasons why children do not like to sleep alone, and assures parents that it is normal for their child to wake in the night, or want to sleep in his parents bed.

Similarly, he asserts that far from manipulative or terrible (I refer here to “terrible twos”), children are selfless, generous, forgiving, honest and understanding.

Fundamentally, Gonzalez argues that as a society we treat children with little respect for their own personalities and autonomy, punishing them, verbally and physically, in ways that we would never do to an adult.

One of my favourite examples in the book relates to injustices towards children that would not be accepted in adults.

Gonzalez presents a scenario of a male and female where the male punishes the female for acting out of turn. Firstly the scenario is considered with the male as a father figure and female as a child; secondly with the female as a teenager, and thirdly with the male as a husband and female as his wife. Gonzalez asks his reader to sit with how each scenario made them feel and reflect on the social acceptability of it. This almost interactive style with the reader which is prevalent throughout the book, allowing the reader to feel a part of the discussion.

Recommendation:

I wholeheartedly recommend this book to any parent, and to anyone who interacts with kids frequently. It has been such an eye-opening, heart warming book for me to read; it has given me the confidence to listen to my instinctive parenting choices more readily, and disregard comments that criticise my parenting style. Gonzalez has encouraged me to think about how my words and actions have a deeper impact than I had realised, building on the knowledge (and reminding me of it) that I gained from Studying the minds of babies when i was pregnant.

Thank you for reading 

Xoxo

R

A week ago I walked across the stage, officially graduating from the University of Portsmouth.

The past week has been filled with lots of nostalgia, a bittersweet feeling of goodbye, and a lot of gratitude. I thought that I would write and reminisce about my time at university, detailing different memories; but honestly, that’s more for my private journal than here. Instead, I want to share the best 5 things that came out of my university career.

Number 1

I got educated. I don’t mean academically, though of course that happened too; I mean I got an education that wasn’t possible living at home, in my small hometown.

I learned how to live alone, how to shop for myself, how to pay bills and how to figure out what my next meal was gonna be.

I got educated through my friends, learned about different backgrounds, and explored the labels I had given myself and other people. I have bettered myself through this education, becoming more open-minded and progressive in my thinking and lifestyle.

Number 2

I made friends. This sounds like a cliché but having had close friendships end very sadly before university, I wasn’t sure I’d actually manage to fit in. Now I have come to accept that I will never fit it, but that I can still have the most amazing friends.

I have had some rough patches and been close to people and then drifted, but I know that there are a few really great friends, who I can count on, call and who I hope to stay in contact with for many years to come.

Number 3

My Family. This is a long one, because there are a few parts, and it’s the most personal.

I) I got married. Admittedly, this isn’t a goal or reality for most university students in their early 20s but it has been my reality and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Working on my relationship with my partner has been one of the biggest challenges because being away with our son, while he worked to support us, meant that we have almost never been on the same page at the same time. I am grateful that he encourages my madness and ambition, and I look forward to actually spending time as a family soon.

II) I had a baby (I know this isn’t most people’s goal either!).

My son has taught me more than I can write here. I have learned about motherhood, about myself, about food, and babies and toddlers. I have learned that more often that not, my instinct is right. I have functioned sleep deprived and I have celebrated every small milestone he has had. I was told once that these things matter more to mums than dads but eventually they don’t matter; but I know that they do matter.

III) I began to appreciate my family (blood-family) very differently.

My relationship with my parents has evolved drastically since I left to university. I left, sad but excited to be moving away, but over the years, even before my baby arrived, I saw home in a very different light. I know that I have some of my biggest supporters in my parents and brother. My mum and I have an exceptionally close relationship, and I am incredibly close to my dad. My little brother and I don’t always see eye to eye but I cherish him dearly and I know that our relationship will grow once he leaves for university too. I see how hard it is to run a house now, and the dedication I somehow previously took for granted, and I have begun to understand what I want to make my own home like with my husband and our baby now.

Number 4

I learned my voice matters. This is a big one for me. While I have always been a vocal person within groups I know, being at university taught me that as long as I can back up my opinion, I cannot be wrong.

I am not always right, far from it, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. I have learned, and am still learning that there is literally always going to be someone who disagrees with me, but it’s not my job to please everyone.

Being at university has given me the confidence to stand up and be vocal about what I believe. And to, where reasonable, call people out on their bullshit too.

Number 5

Lastly, university has taught me to believe in myself. Another cliché I know, but it’s true! I have overcome obstacles that I never imagined facing, and I have learned that hard work really does have incredible results.

I took part in a lot of stuff at university, I made friends, I broadened my views and I swallowed some bitter pills too. I have friends who have faced incredible trauma and adversity through their university career’s, and I have others who have seemingly had life handed to them. Each journey has been different, but none less important than another. My journey let me to graduate with a 1st Class Honours in Politics and International Relations, alongside being awarded (jointly) a prize for “Student of the Year” within my faculty.

I proudly celebrated with the most important people in my life, and I had an amazing day. I am so incredibly grateful for the opportunity’s I have had, and I know that there are many more experiences to learn from, both within academia and outside of it. Every single person I have met and interacted with has helped shape my future to be what it is today, and I am so thankful for that.

Thank you for the support. Thank you for the inspiration. Thank you for the opportunity.

xoxo

R