Hello,
I am collecting stories of student motherhood, to normalise the experience and to help new student mums (whether at school, college, university or later in life), feel that the struggles they go through are normal; something I think I’d have benefited from in my own experiences. Therefore, I am reaching out and asking for help – if you are/were a student mum – or dad! – then please contact me, I would love to hear your story, and share it if you’ll let me.
This story was kindly sent to me by Emily Duff of JAE Consultancy.
Introduce yourself:
Hi I’m Emily, and at 21 years old I found myself a student and an unexpected first-time mum. I now have a beautiful 4-year-old son and run my own marketing business specialising in social media and blog writing for small businesses. I started my agency, JAE Consultancy, in 2018 to give me the opportunity to make the most of both the parenting and working worlds. In between managing clients’ social media accounts, cooking dinner and participating in my son’s school’s PTA, I love to write creatively and binge watch one too many Netflix series!
How did you feel finding out you were pregnant? What were the circumstances?
I was in my first year of University studying for a degree in English Language with a minor in Creative Writing, and at the start of my second semester I found out unexpectedly I was 5 months pregnant. I had no bump, no sickness, and any tiredness I had put down to being a full-time student whilst working. To say it was a shock was an understatement! Many people didn’t believe I was pregnant at first as it wasn’t visible, and I have to say I totally milked the opportunity to eat snacks in my 3-hour-long lectures.
What was your pregnancy like? Were there any highlight moments or struggles? How did you cope?
From the day of finding out I was pregnant to the day I gave birth was 13 weeks. I had to sort out maternity leave from my part-time job at a coffee shop, sitting my university exams and buying everything needed for a baby in that short time, plus deal with my body’s changes. My partner and I luckily had a steady roof over our heads and we both had worked and saved money, so we were able to get everything we needed in time, but it was a struggle to juggle family, university and work while heavily pregnant. I managed to sit my exam on a Friday, and went into labour on the Saturday, so everything worked out ok in the end!.
The first weeks of motherhood, what were they like?
I was very fortunate in that my son’s birth was uncomplicated and he took to breast feeding without any problems, and although the first few weeks of motherhood seemed a blur, they were filled with happy moments and just an overwhelming sense of calm and achievement. I was on a long summer break from university, and on paid maternity leave, so I really enjoyed having 24/7 bonding time with my tiny baby.
Going back to study; did you want to? How did you feel? How did you juggle everything?
I made an unusual choice in going back to studying straight away, rather than deferring for a year. It meant that my son was just 4 months old, and we had to place him with a local childminder. That in itself was a heart wrench, but we had found an amazing woman who exceeded my expectations with how she looked after my son. In fact, she’s now considered part of the family and he cannot remember life without her.
My university timetable meant that I was on site 2 days a week, and could study from home the other days. This worked out amazingly as I could spend more time at home with my baby rather than forking out for full-time childcare. I must say my second year at university was a lot easier than my third – having a child under one and writing essays is a lot easier than having a 2 year old on the move while writing a dissertation!
Of course there were days when I just wanted to be at home with my son, and I did miss out on some special moments such as his first trip to a beach, but luckily the communication between the childminder and myself meant that my son was never without and he had a very supportive and enjoyable time with all of us.
The hardest thing about being a mum at university was missing out on the social aspects. A lot of the events associated with the Creative Writing side of my degree were in the evenings, which meant I missed a lot of outings. However, my lecturers and fellow students really embraced my son, and so we sneaked him into a lot of social events such as poetry readings and Christmas parties.
Where are you now in your life/studies? Do you have any plans for the future?
I graduated with a 2:1 degree (Hons) in English Language with a minor in Creative Writing in 2016 when my son was just 2 years old. I am really glad I continued with my degree and saw it through to the end when my son was so young, as it meant I was able to get a steady graduate job and income by the time he was aware and at nursery. I would love to be able to do a Masters Degree in the future, but as I’m undecided in my topic choice it is on hold at the moment.
Lastly, do you have any advice for student mums/dads?
I always get asked how I did it, and I have to say that being in a routine was fundamental to me studying and being a parent. My son’s routine did not change; he had set meal times, nap times and bed times regardless of if he was with me or the childminder, and having these time routines meant I had time to do parent things as well as to study.
On the days my son was at the childminder’s, I maximised my hours at university by spending spare hours in the library, getting ahead with reading and starting assignments so nothing was left to a typical student last-minute rush.
The best thing to do is to show your child that you can achieve anything you set your mind to through hard work and dedication, and I think any student mum or dad shows this in the most remarkable and inspiring way.
Emily Duff is a millennial who grew up around social media and technology. She launched JAE Consultancy in January 2018 to help small businesses get their social media profiles off the ground. Based on her son’s initials, JAE Consultancy has a personal approach that makes individuals feel at ease at the beginning of their business journeys. Emily strives to achieve excellence in everything she does for her clients, and loves seeing people succeed in their own companies.
Emily can be contacted via the links below:
Supporting you from pregnancy to parenting 