A friend and I were talking recently about first impressions. We shared our first impression of each other and both admitted that we would never have pegged each other as people we’d become close friends with.

Initially, we both had preconceived ideas about each other, from a brief encounter on the creche run, and a few days later while our kids toddled around in the park.

She thought because I wore yoga pants, I had my life together and was able to find time to practice. Add to that the fact I was (and am) still breastfeeding, the impression she says that I gave to her was one of being an energetic and strong willed woman.

Meanwhile, having only had a short conversation with her about her daughter’s bedtime, I too assumed she was a mum who had her life together. Her kid was in bed by 6:30 pm and her house was clean and despite wearing designer clothes, she didn’t care if they got muddy or wet. She seemed so calm and confident; I felt like she was a woman who had life sorted!

Then, we got to know each other…

We started spending some time together soon after meeting, both putting aside the ideas we had of each other so that our kids could have a companion.

Our kids are similar ages (but at the moment even a few weeks makes a difference). Both kids go to creche 3 time a week together, and often in the afternoons we will take them to play outside or at one of our houses. They eat better when there is 2 of them, so mealtimes are shared regularly now as well.

From tentatively agreeing to our first play=date for them, we have come a long way.

In that time, we’ve learned that the reality of each other’s lives, isn’t as rosy as we assumed.

She might have managed to sort a bedtime routine out and taught her daughter to self settle, but daytime naps are rare and her wee girl almost a always fights sleep away. Until recently her girl was on a many month long food strike, relying on bottles mostly. I’ve learned what an absolute hassle bottles can be, how difficult it can be when you just want the day to end, but there is sterilising to do, and other mum-jobs to sort out. It can also be pretty damn lonely when after 7 o’clock the only things you can do are read, knit or watch quiet telly; especially in our walk of life where partners are not often home in the evening.

But while my grass is greener because my son does nap, he most certainly does NOT self-settle, wakes at least twice a night and I am a human pacifier. I regularly get kicked in the face too because we co-sleep! He regularly tests boundaries with the cooker, loud noises, scratching and hitting; recently he drew all over my kitchen cupboards and began to chip the paint off his small table! He is also going through a possessive phase and gets quite jealous whereas her girl is very easy going most of the time.

The point is that neither of us have everything figured out. We didn’t judge each other on those first meetings, and the result has been worth it!

We are 18 months into motherhood and still call ourselves new mums; because the reality is that it is all new, all the time. Each stage is new, and it comes with new challenges. We put our kids first and learned that rather than ‘having life figured out’ both of us are muddling through the best we can.

I think that she is an incredible mum, overcoming some of the toughest challenges of daily life with her daughter as the number 1 priority. Anyone with eyes could see how much love there is, even on the hardest days; she researches, peacefully parents and tries to accept that while kids need boundaries, there is often a deep reason for them acting in ways we feel isn’t right (e.g. biting/hitting).

Like most mums, she is doing her damn best, and so am I. We build each other up and help where we can. We water each others grass, and we are helping raise our tiny flowers to know that they have a lot of people in their corners.

Thank goodness for that first play-date. It morphed into something marvellous.