Parenting is a rollercoaster of emotions:

Last night I yelled at my kids to go to sleep. I was tired. They were hyper. I, growing a human who is nearly ready to arrive earthside now, was grumpy, and after a long day which I thought would make them more tired, I was ready to crash and sleep. In fact, I slept while they jumped and played and stimmed. Cognitively, I knew they were hyper from the day and needed my help. Somatically, I wanted to get up, go into the other bedroom and ignore them. I didn’t, because they would have run after me; but I wanted to… which got me thinking about our flight response as parents, and I realised I hadn’t written about it yet.

So, since it’s 5am and the dog woke me up, I’m going to write and then go back to bed! A perfect start to my day.

From the biggest joy and pride, to immense stress, guilt and overwhelm, all bundled into the same week or day or even hour. Parenting is hands down a journey filled with love, laughter, and tears, sometimes alone, sometimes with the kids as they burst their emotional riverbanks too! As parents, we often find ourselves in situations where the demands of life become too much to bear, we are alone, feeling unsupported and like nothing is ever going to get easier – have you been there? Where the actual support we do have just vanishes from memory, and all the gorgeous moments disappear into a foggy part of our brains… it’s not fun!

Picture this: You’re juggling work, household chores, school runs, extracurricular activities, doctors, food shopping and a never-ending list of responsibilities. Your mind is racing, your energy is depleted, and all you can think about is escaping to a quieter, simpler time or space. It’s not that you don’t love your children – you do, more than anything in the world – but you’re exhausted, and you need a break.

I felt like this for the first time a few years ago; and oh my goodness the guilt set in! I didn’t have the language to understand what was happening, and so I thought something must be wrong. Was I just a really shit parent?

No… no I wasn’t. And you’re not either! In fact, you are pretty goddamn amazing so if you’ve got a guilt brick, take it and toss it out the window as soon as you can – though don’t toss a real brick out any windows please! I only advise this metaphorically!

Annnyyyyhow; the point, is that actually, this is a parenting flight response. I’ve written about Fight and Freeze already, so here is Flight; the stress response that has parents wanting to escape their little tiny human creations, not because they don’t love them, but because navigating parenting in todays world is overwhelming, especially when we have to do it alone. The village isn’t going to show up and save anyone; we gotta go create our own!

The flight response is a common coping mechanism for overwhelm, and parenting is a great space to find it. It’s that urge to run away from it all, even if just for a moment, to catch your breath and recharge. It’s about seeking solace in the midst of chaos, yearning for a temporary escape from the relentless demands of parenthood. What doesn’t count though is stuff like going shopping or running errands alone… that isn’t escape or replenishment, that’s still necessity!

I’ve been there – we all have. Those moments when you sneak into the bathroom for a few minutes of peace and quiet, pretending you need an extra-long shower just to have a moment to yourself. Or when you find yourself daydreaming about running away to a tropical island where the only thing on your to-do list is reading books and drinking mango smoothies on the beach. Right now my mango smoothies get stolen and my most recently picked up book was ‘Dear Zoo’ which I adore reading with them… but is so, so, so boring after a while! Audiobooks are such a lifesaver!

But here’s the thing – it’s okay to feel this way. We can love our kids and also at times really resent them. Yep, I used that word – resent – because ultimately, these little (gorgeous) humans take so much from us, especially in the early years with basic needs of rest and nourishment. I can imagine as they grow, it’ll change and still be hard, but I don’t hear parents of teenagers talk about resenting their kids much; maybe because it’s taboo, maybe because they too are in a freeze response, or maybe because (here’s my hope), once the kids get a bit older, and dinner isn’t a battle so much, and they understand the concept of 20 minutes, it’ll get easier! Or maybe it won’t.

Either way, parenthood is tough, and it’s perfectly normal to crave a break from time to time. Acknowledging your need for a breather doesn’t make you a bad parent; it makes you human. We all need moments of escape to rejuvenate our minds, bodies, and spirits so that we can come back stronger and more present for our little ones. Sometimes that means getting some physical space, other times, it’s about digging deep into our toolbox – either way, the next time you feel the urge to escape the chaos of parenthood, remember that you’re not alone.

Take a deep breath, find a moment of peace, and give yourself the grace to recharge. Because in the end, taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your children. Remember, self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary.

If you have any thoughts on this, write back to me. I’d absolutely love to hear what you think because this is one of those underrated, unspoken topics that I’m pretty sure we all go through. Share your stories, tell me why I’m wrong, or just say hi! I’ll see you soon x

With love,

Rohana x

P.S. A quick reminder before you go; that you’re doing an amazing job, even when you feel like flying away.

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