Some days are beautiful and easy more than they are hard.
Other days, I want to disappear, crawl back into bed and hide.
Both are a real and true part of parenting… and of course, there are many many days where we have moments of in between.
That is why I call parenting a rollercoaster; because we really are constantly going on an up, down, twist and curve, with occasional loop-the-loops.
It’s not just parenting, but life. Parenting amplifies it, because not only am I responsible for my own nervous system, I’m also holding space and sharing my nervous system with the tiny people around me. It’s a blessing… and a curse.
Today has been one of those loop-the-loop days here; ironic given that yesterday I reflected on how my capacity has changed to hold more… today I shrunk right back down and struggled!
It has been the perfect example to get me thinking about how unfairly we treat young people, asking them to make big life choices at exactly the same time, pushing them to tick boxes, and squeezing their capacity, so that everything is “standardised” when in reality, we are real, whole human beings with multitudes of experiences every single day.
The other day, I was fun, connected, playful. If you had seen me today, flustered, grouchy, and fighting with my 6yo because he wouldn’t take personal responsibility (oh I know!)… you’d have thought I was absolutely insane. And aren’t we all a little?
Both are aspects of parenting.
Neither make me a better or worse mum. Just human. Trying to love and hold and honour these experiences of raising humans. I don’t doubt I’ve got many things wrong… and I also know I get lots of things right. Whether or not there’s a balance, only time will tell.
I wrote this at the park:
It was true for me then and much of it is true as I write this now. The rollercoaster is real!
It doesn’t make this harder day any less valid.
So, a heaped tablespoon of compassion… for all of us… and a repair that looked like saying “I love you, let’s try again tomorrow”.
It’s enough.
With buckets of love, sending spoons your way,
Rohana x
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