I started writing this yesterday, though in the future 25 or 26 won’t matter too much … but then, my very deregulated 6 year old meant that parenting took over, and I fell asleep holding him. I could have carried on at 1am or even 3am when the others woke me, but sometimes, priorities change.

I felt guilty this morning, like I had broken a commitment… but the thing is, commitments don’t have to be 100% rigid… life is fluid. I’m still showing up. I’m taking responsibility. I’m doing the thing.

And, isn’t that what life is about? Isn’t that what I want to pass on to my kids.

Not a rigid, self-shaming, perfectionist mentality, but a compassionate, determined, and accepting one. We adapt, adjust and accommodate. 

It’s the same in relationships…. once we’ve known someone for years, we change. They change. Whether it’s a friend, a child, a parent or a partner, we are constantly recommitting… and though it sounds lovely and romantic as a notion, actually sometimes it’s fucking hard! Especially when we have our own ideals and have to accept that the other person/people are human too, and we cannot project our goals onto them.

As a parent, I’m reminded of this every single day.

Our children aren’t blank slates or performing monkeys… they are full blown humans with opinions and desires, and sometimes they’ll do what we expect, but many times they won’t. They’ll pave their paths, and that’s really quite an extraordinary thing to witness.

It has been through conscious parenting and working through my own school wounds, childhood experiences and beliefs passed down ancestorally (which is a continuous process), that I have found most of my relationships change. From conscious parenting to conscious partnerships, in friends, family and importantly with my husband; we’ve had many conversations about how as we examine the way we are raising our kids, we also fundamentally change the way we approach life with others.

Now, as I write this, having spent the better part of today already reshuffling priorities and being as present as possible with my kids, I’m aware how committing to myself sometimes means leaning in to what they need more deeply, so that, when they feel secure and held, I can step away.

So day 25, looks nothing like what I started last night, and day 26 will come later … not perfect, but perfection is highly overrated. Commitment to a 40 day practice doesn’t require me to shame or blame myself when days aren’t exact, it means even when we slip up, or plans change, recommitting, showing up, and carrying on.

With love,

Rohana x