I ordered some new toothbrush heads this week, and today we opened them, so I thought I’d share about some of the realities of brushing teeth time as a parent… because literally nobody has ever talked about the absolute rollercoaster that teeth hygiene brings.

Nothing could have prepared me for the push back, the tears and the tantrums that a toothbrush brings when you’ve got toddlers! I’m pretty sure most parents will get it though, it’s such a interesting time.

Anyway, these new toothbrush heads obviously brought some novelty so getting teeth done tonight wasn’t too hard, in fact, other than getting distracted, there was no push back involved. It won’t last, but that’s okay, we’ve already starting reviving old stories and materials that had worked in the past, in order to ease the bedtime chaos a little.

Can I tell you a story?

When P was younger he adored brushing his teeth. It was a copy mummy kind of thing, and I thought it was easy. Then, he turned 2 and things changed. He didn’t want to, and I didn’t know what to do – the advice I was given was “hold him down and force him” … so I did. And it hurt my heart to do it.

I didn’t realise I could do it another way.

This didn’t last long before I was researching ways to encourage, beg and even bribe him into teeth brushing… and eventually I began to think, if it were me being forced to brush, I’d be so frightened. Forcing teeth hygiene was triggering me, and traumatic for him. Something needed to change.

So we bought books

We bribed

We did it while in front of the TV so he didn’t notice

And we made up games

Games worked best.

By this point, we were pretending he had dinosaurs in his mouth pooing in there… and from there stories came. As this happened, over time we also added family members, so 1 child became 3, and i learned that the cute I want to copy mummy phase was normal, as was the absolute refusal thereafter. My bubble well and truly burst!

I also had by this time dived deep into respect and autonomy based parenting (I.e  treating kids like actual humans!) and began to see that advice like “just hold them down and force them” was never going to sit well with my values.

That doesn’t mean sometimes I don’t wish I could wave a magick wand and force them to eat properly and brush their teeth or hair or listen etc… but it means that the bigger picture matters more to me, and I won’t choose to cause disconnect or trauma associated with a tooth brush, even if that does mean sometimes they don’t brush properly.

Tonight as they brushed, I thought about those months where P wouldn’t and I worried I’d failed. It’s not funny but it is interesting to see how much things change.

Tonight he read the book * we made and they brushed and I watched them wondering how I’d have ever wrestled 3 kids into teeth brushing, knowing their strong willed characters, and my soft heart. I’m glad we found different ways… even if they’re messy and chaotic, they work for us.

Thanks, for reading, with love,

Rohana x

* note, the book linked in the post is an affiliate of my own, pushlished through amazon.