For the first time in a few days I looked around and thought, what am I going to write about tonight?!

I’ve shared quite a bit about our days over the past few weeks, but a topic I haven’t shared much about it mess, priorities and managing the chaos.

Truthfully, its probably because I’ve not even thought about most of it… other than the usual dishes and tidying, I tend to leave all the big housework jobs for the weekend when H is back to share the load. It works better like this for us, even if it means there’s 4 or 5 loads of laundry to do, cooking to prep, and bits to tidy at the weekend.

Why?

I used to beat myself up about my inability to ‘stay on top’ of – the laundry, the cooking, the home ed prep, the documenting, the food shops and play. That was, until I realised I couldn’t manage all the things, when I was overwhelmed and stretched between kids, sleep deprived and hungry! I soon realised after this that I am neurodivergent and my adhd brain doesn’t love habitual everyday things like laundry and dishes and showers or cooking. It takes so much effort for me to do these things, with active thoughts and engagement required at every step. Washing my hair is a HUGE effort… and genuinely, though I love my hair, I regularly consider chopping it off.

Now that I’ve figured out it’s not my lack of being a good adult who manages life, but rather because I am human and imperfect, the laundry and I are open enemies.

The kids find it hilarious when I start on the first pile because its such a long job. Last weekend as my daughter helped and watched she’d say things like “why is there so many clothes!” Or wonder out loud why there are more of her little brothers clothes than hers (he gets changed a lot!).

Having this dialogue, with extra frustrated, comical voices “yeah there is just so much folding!” from me, and jokes about how they all could swap clothes and confuse me, means that this loathsome task becomes easier. It also normalises doing boring, no-dopamine kind of jobs, and making light of them, and shows the kids it’s okay to be overwhelmed by these things.

Most weekends, we find a pattern where I sort while H cooks… then we split other jobs as needed. Of course, kids factor in there so sometimes we’ll tag team each other in being the playmates before johs. He helps keep me on track with it, and I need him to do the cooking because the kids prefer his food. Win – win – win ! Seriously I attempted to make a decent dinner today and it was such a battle to get them to eat! Eventually they did, and then requested desert… it wasn’t a total flop.

After dinner, I put another load of washing it, and before bed, I looked at the overflowing baskets on the floor… 4 loads of laundry, and they still have clothes to wear! I think if they didn’t, I’d be better at it from pure necessity. I asked aloud what to write, and then looked at the pile and thought, “yeah that’s the thing” because though some parts of my life may look dreamy (I had someone say this to me today), other parts show I’m genuinely just figuring my stuff out, like everyone else.

I think when we normalise this, it brings everyone around us into a space of gratitude. Gratitude that we aren’t alone in being a mess. Gratitude at what we have figured out. Gratitude at the fact we have time to find ways that work for us.

Normalise the loathsome laundry or the dreaded hair wash! Honestly it’s not as odd as people might think.

With love,

Rohana xox