This is definitely one of my favourite times of the year, where there is just so much to see and find outdoors, and the kids genuinely just want to be out exploring; I’ve ordered them some portable mini microscopes and I cannot wait to see what they discover! It’s been mini-beast hunting, bubble catching, climbing on everything and a generally joyful, curious mood the past few days.

Today, they were tired, but after an intense week, I didn’t expect much else. I thought we’d push a bit today and get into city center for a little more exploring; but they had other ideas and it was a much needed slow start, followed by outdoor fun and a playdate this evening. Double fun was that our puppy Nyx got a playdate with her buddy too, and spent a couple hours running around the garden with him (theirs, not ours!)

It’ll be the first weekend in a long time where H (the kids dad) won’t be home because he’s staying on base for some much needed recharge. It’s something that when it came up this week with friends got funny looks; but actually as we prep for our house move and baby, is something that I am genuinely super glad he’s managed to block off. In the past, I’d probably have thought it wasn’t fair, but we’ve both worked really hard to see what the other needs, and to support each other to meet those needs, as much as possible with 3 kids and a puppy. Last weekend, he drove all of us for nearly 5 hours (each way) just so that I didn’t have to take the train and have long layovers; knowing that too many hours on my feet and I’m getting really exhausted. He took the kids to soft play and did all the parenting things that you’d expect; except… I don’t drive, so he also took on ALL the travelling, and had to get back to Portsmouth as well.

My standards are high, and we often as a couple talk about how we hold each other to high standards as parents, and in our relationship; because we push each other without pressuring each other… something that has taken YEARS to figure out a balance with, and isn’t exactly a one way works every time kind of deal. We absolutely mess up a lot, but ultimately, choosing to grow together and in our own personal lives has meant doing the work and showing up in the best ways we know how. It’s interesting though, as I think about this; because we’ve had conversations over the past year about how, if I suggest areas to work on, he’ll shut them down… and vice versa… but then, in a roundabout way, we both end up with similar themes, working in our own way through our own stuff.

The exception here is probably deschooling ourselves, which I periodically dive deeper into, and this year at least, hasn’t come up as necessary for him. That said, once we live together through the whole week again, I think things will change, especially while we wait for potential spaces for K and A, and dive deeper into home educating P, led by him, and immersing ourselves in bigger projects as we go. We’ll also have baby dragon so navigating postpartum is going to an interesting journey for us both/all.

Previously, I’ve adopted the attitude of ‘just keep going’ and I have burnt out BIG time! This time, we are honouring the sacredness of it, slowing riiiigggghhhtttt down and I’m choosing to have a laying in period. Admittedly, I’m not sure how this is going to work with 3 active kids, but the goal is there and mentally, I know if I prep for as much rest as possible, then I’ll honour it far more than if I just try to wing it. I am teaching postpartum support in a couple of weeks and once again, as I look through my materials, I’m getting excited! It is such an incredible time.

Today 6 years ago, I handed in my dissertation… I was 8 months postpartum for the first time then. I don’t remember much about that version of myself most days, but I am grateful for her. I didn’t do the laying in period, or honour myself fully back then… though it was slower than the 2nd and 3rd time round for sure! Looking back on the rollercoaster ride, I often forget just how far we’ve come, but it is pretty damn remarkable given that I thought at one point I’d never manage to finish uni having P.

Tonight, my dads last night here, P has cuddled up and said he wants to have a sleepover downstairs with grandpa; so audiobook on, delta waves playing in the background, he’s fidgeting as he listens…. and I’m thinking about all the weeks where my dad spent his time with me in the UK, looking after P so I could write and finish assignments. So much has changed, but the closeness they have is as strong as ever. We are very very blessed.

Anyway, goodnight for now, thanks for reading,

With love, Rohana x