We met someone recently and the inevitable conversation about baby no3 began. I’m less than 8 weeks until our official EDD now, and though I am of course obviously pregnant, there is often a little confusion because between my baggy clothes and constant running around/lifting T and I-R, people don’t quite believe it. Regardless, any time we meet someone new, or even the odd stranger passing by will notice, and often they will comment – the usual name and do we know what we’re having questions, the notice of small age gaps, and then the seemingly unavoidable comment of “well you’re certainly going to have your hands full aren’t you?” comes; I smile and say I know, simultaneously checking to see that Theo hasn’t clocked on to what’s been implied.

I am dreading his realisation, and hoping it doesn’t come. Because at 3, he doesn’t need to be worrying that mummy will have to juggle all her kids; he knows, in his own way… and I don’t want him to feel like that’s something undesirable. We are going to have our moments of struggle; sometimes the fear of them overwhelms me, but never, ever, do I want my little boy to feel he has to ease it. We’ll all just figure things out.

That said, this particular comment got to me. Perhaps because it was made by someone close in age, or perhaps because she too had her hands full, with 1 child. Regardless, it led me to writing, and here is what I wrote:

I wonder if people realise
How much joy and hardship come through pregnancy
Planned or unplanned
Growing a person isn’t easy
It is a privilege that we have this life
That we can make the choices we’ve made
That we can afford CHOICE in the first place

I wonder if people could see
The fear
The tears
The overwhelming joy
The panic
The blessings
The love
Always love

Would they still feel entitled to comment?
Or would they maybe hold back?

However well intentioned,
However comical it may seem,
Commenting on someone’s life choices
Is not as simple as one may deem.

When we think before we speak,
We action love and understanding.
It may not seem important,
But for someone it’ll be like landing
Somewhere soft and warm and safe
Instead of putting up their guard.

Because no-mattter what we may appear
Life is often hard

Our conversation wasn’t long. Our kids played together in the rain happily, oblivious to us and our small talk. Then Theo asked me to chase him in a game we made months ago, and Ila-Rae began to gain confidence on the park slide. Comments forgotten, parenting at 100% back full time.

Then we came home. Nothing special, nothing big… but it’s had me thinking, reflecting and learning – and writing. Because how can I teach my children about life lessons, appropriate behaviour, and kindness, if I don’t model AND stand up for it myself?

What would you do?
Have you been in a similar situation ? How did you handle it?

xox

Rohana