Not having read anything unrelated to my degree for what feels like forever, picking up a book and reading it cover to cover has been a refreshing change. Albeit a parenting book, it was nice to break the trend of picking up a book to find only what I needed. I loved it so much that I wanted to share my thoughts with you.

First Impressions:

The cover of the book is honestly not my favourite, but it gets the message across of 2 happy children. Snuggled up, when I look at the cover it speaks of comfort and security; both of these are vital to the content of Gonzalez’s book. 

I opened the book intending to read a couple of pages while my husband and baby slept. Before I knew it, I was a chapter in, and my little boy woke up wondering where I was, so I closed my book and went to comfort him. I distinctly remember wanting to climb back out of bed once he’d fallen asleep because I was so taken in by what I’d read. I loved the introduction where Gonzalez makes clear that this parenting book will not advocate a “one size fits all” style of parenting; rather he made me as a reader feel that he would discuss my child as a human being, with individual needs and a unique personality.

In short, I opened the book and was blown away.

Content:

I won’t go through the entire book but I will point out a couple of key examples that really struck chord with me while reading. Gonzalez discusses various subjects in his chapters, from co-sleeping and breastfeeding, to toddlers playing in the park and the Oedipus complex! The content of the book is extremely varied, which to me shows an honest reflection of parenthood; illustrating all the things parents may consider in the first years of their children’s life.

He cites other authors and specialists, both whom he agrees with, and whom he doesn’t. This was a huge selling point of the book for me, because it’s not just some random opinion, but rather an opinion that also has research to support it. Of course, as Gonzalez demonstrates, there is a lot of research that goes against what he suggests too.

A particularly prevalent example in my life at the moment is the issue of sleep training.

Gonzalez criticises harsher methods of sleep training, such as the “cry it out” method, advocating a gentle approach. He explores the reasons why children do not like to sleep alone, and assures parents that it is normal for their child to wake in the night, or want to sleep in his parents bed.

Similarly, he asserts that far from manipulative or terrible (I refer here to “terrible twos”), children are selfless, generous, forgiving, honest and understanding.

Fundamentally, Gonzalez argues that as a society we treat children with little respect for their own personalities and autonomy, punishing them, verbally and physically, in ways that we would never do to an adult.

One of my favourite examples in the book relates to injustices towards children that would not be accepted in adults.

Gonzalez presents a scenario of a male and female where the male punishes the female for acting out of turn. Firstly the scenario is considered with the male as a father figure and female as a child; secondly with the female as a teenager, and thirdly with the male as a husband and female as his wife. Gonzalez asks his reader to sit with how each scenario made them feel and reflect on the social acceptability of it. This almost interactive style with the reader which is prevalent throughout the book, allowing the reader to feel a part of the discussion.

Recommendation:

I wholeheartedly recommend this book to any parent, and to anyone who interacts with kids frequently. It has been such an eye-opening, heart warming book for me to read; it has given me the confidence to listen to my instinctive parenting choices more readily, and disregard comments that criticise my parenting style. Gonzalez has encouraged me to think about how my words and actions have a deeper impact than I had realised, building on the knowledge (and reminding me of it) that I gained from Studying the minds of babies when i was pregnant.

Thank you for reading 

Xoxo

R