Oh it feels good to be writing again! Hello lovely reader, I hope this finds you well. I am in an exceptionally good mood today, and though there are tough moments, this has been the trend off late.

Following my cathartic writings looking back on my experience of pregnancy and motherhood, I feel like now, I am able to write about the present and future properly. H and I are finally living together! Theo Prana is of course with us and loving every moment of attention, he is bonding with his Daddy incredibly and I am privileged to be able to watch it happen. They are extremely cute together.

We’ve been together coming up to 3 weeks now, with H having all this time off to sort the place out with me, we have really been non-stop! My Mother-in-Law and Sister-in-Law did visit for a few days which gave us a good break, but even then its been a roller-coaster of adjustment. The first week was a bit of everything, getting bedding and food, and getting used to each other after so many months. My dad w

as here for a few days (a total blessing) and so we made the most of his help too. This week has been all about building furniture after our successful trip to IKEA – but most of you will know all this already, because I update my Instagram much more regularly than I blog at the moment. I’d like to say this will change, but I cannot promise anything; the hours and days seem to run into each other far too quickly.

Moving up here has been a challenge for me, more so I think than for Theo Prana. Of course the adjustment and new surroundings have meant that he’s needed extra mummy time and some night have been longer than I’d have liked, but overall, he’s adapting. He’s responsive and playing with H and he is generally a happy baby. I on the other hand, have a lot of mental stuff going on!

Prior to coming here, the last time I saw H was just after New Years Eve. He left Gibraltar after our 1 year wedding anniversary and got crash drafted to deployment soon after. The time in Gibraltar was not our best, especially due to my high levels of stress, and the time he was away was also extremely difficult for me. Not only did I have my own stuff going on, but I didn’t have my husband even on the phone or at the end of a chat to talk to. I booked my flights to Scotland, not knowing whether he’d be here and not having a clue what our house would be like.

Let’s just say its a good thing he got back before Theo Prana and I flew over!

H has been incredible, sorting out everything he could before we arrived and trying to fit into his role as ‘Daddy’ in the best way possible. I am finding the role shift from being just ‘mum’ and Theo Prana’s constant, to being ‘mum’ and ‘wife’ quite a shock to the system. H and I are still very much trying to figure out how to be a couple while being parents. We have never actually lived together, though it felt like we did when he was down South, and so it’s all a whole lot of new stuff for both of us. I guess that’s also probably why I’m writing, because though we have come leaps and bounds even in 3 weeks, I know we still have a way to go.

That said, I have an overwhelming feeling of contentment. There have been moments of fear, frustration, anger, anxiety, exhaustion (!) and probably a whole lot more, but there are many more feelings of joy and love, as a couple and a family unit. It’s easy to dwell on whats bad, and what’s hard, and I do sometimes; I am a short-tempered person and it is a flaw of mine, but I get angry/upset, say my piece and then move on. This is something I have really pushed myself to practice; moving on and letting go on the fear or frustration etc, because holding on to it does nobody any good, but letting go of it frees me. Overall, we count many mixed days, but all of them have been more good than bad, which is exactly the environment I want to cultivate for Theo Prana.

Baby watches everything now! He is very attached to me, but will happily sit and watch other people rather than play with his toys. He does also sometimes ask for his Daddy or pull away from me towards H which is something I absolutely love. They’re bonding well. Some days we have great playtime sessions with Theo Prana’s bucket of toys, but mostly he likes being chased and lots of cuddles. We have a mini bookshelf attached to our sofa with a couple of books and lots of leaflets on it which he absolutely loves pulling off and he loves the stairs. Actually, standing behind him I can see how much better he’s getting on them, AND how fast he can move! It’s crazy to think he’s only been around 10 months, I can’t imagine life without him now.

I’ve been very used to it being Theo Prana and I as a 2, not because we wanted to be away, but because circumstantially, it made more sense. Unlike most couples where moving from 2 to 3 is the addition of their tiny human, my personal addition is H. From the team of Theo Prana and Mummy, we have now moved to Theo Prana, Mummy and Daddy. I have wanted this for so long, it is incredible to realise that we have managed to get here.

For now, that’s it from me

xxx

R