Authors Note: I want to thank absolutely everyone who has messaged me about the previous 2 parts of this series of posts; your support means an incredible amount to me and quite fittingly it makes you a part of my extended village. As always, feedback is welcome, and if you have any questions, message me! I may take a day or 2, but I promise I will always reply.

Just a quick side note though – H is back! I cannot find the words to express my excitement at his return; I tried on Instagram as best as I could, but honestly it all feels like a dream.

If you’ve followed from the start, you’ve read now about the challenges this year regarding my relationship and my personal living space. Truthfully, hard as these past months have been, a lot has been good too. I rarely use names here, but I am going to give a shout-out to some of my dearest friends as I write, because honestly, without my village, I would not be where I am today.

I want to say however, that while my extended village has been a huge pillar for me, the biggest supporters I have had have been my husband and parents. H supported my choice to come back to uni even though it meant being away from Theo Prana, and my parents have performed nothing short of miracles this year in their efforts to help me finish my degree. My in-laws, extended family, my friends and even my Instagram followers have all formed my village and kept me going, but a lot of that has been possible because I’ve had a good core support system. You all know who you are, and you are all incredible.

**

When I found out about my pregnancy, before even telling my mum, I told Danielle. She was (and is) my best friend, and I knew I could trust her not to judge me. Then I told my mum and rest of the family, and then I shut everything out while making the decision to keep Theo Prana. Once I knew I would, despite having been adamant that a baby was not on the cards for me for a long while, I spoke to my mate Josh. Slowly, I started including other people in the circle of knowledge, making it public when I published my thesis article on Elephant Journal; seems like that was a million years ago now! A few hours after making the decision, H asked me what kind of wedding we were going to plan, he knew how important it was to me to be married before babies, and to this day, it means so much that was his response.

Rumours of my pregnancy were spread quickly, especially as it was quite scandalous – I was never the girl who people expected to get married and have a baby young. Once I made my pregnancy public knowledge, I got messages of congratulations and other messages that told me I was never going to manage, and that I was foolish to think of having a baby so young, let alone bring my baby to uni, but I talked to my growing belly and told my tiny human that he was loved; I tried not to dwell on the hard bits.

Over Christmas break, at home in Gibraltar, we planned a beautiful blessing for H and I. My wonderful teacher Nalanie Ji blessed us, as did all my centre family, with mum, dad, Paul and a few friends and relatives speaking. The hormones I had surging through my body probably enhanced it, but the emotions I had that day were incredible… scared as I was, I knew that I was safe and loved, and

I knew that as long as we stuck together and stayed strong, H and I could survive distance and hardships. My yoga family are a huge extension of who I am as a person, and I am honoured that I know every single one of them.

The blessing was small and intimate, it meant a lot to me, and was a precursor to our official wedding. Many of my family and friends were unable to come to the wedding, whilst H’s family couldn’t come for the blessing, so essentially it worked

out that we celebrated with everyone, albeit separately.

H’s family planned the wedding, and my parents made sure that my family guests could come, organising the hotel for everyone. Honestly, though I remember most of the day, and it was beautiful, it was also exhausting! I am grateful for all the hard work H’s family put in, especially Victoria who was essentially our wedding planner; in such a short time, and over Christmas break, they worked a mini miracle. On the day though, aside from all the family congrats etc, and my father-daughter dance, the thing I remember most is washing the dishes at the end of the night and crying a little, and Imogen walking in to give me pep talk. It’s quite incredible how the slightest human contact makes us feel so much stronger – I don’t know if you remember that Imogen, but thank you!

On the way back to Portsmouth the next day, H and I were in a car accident, and once again Dani came to my mental rescue, keeping me rational when all H and I could think about was the possibility of miscarriage.

**

Fast forward a few months and everyone, including all my friends at the Southampton Royal Navy Unit (SURNU) were all excited over my growing bump. My friend circle was small but part of a larger group, and my friend/family group back in Gibraltar were all lovely. I would video the movements of my belly for H to see because just after the wedding, he had to move bases. He was away basically my whole pregnancy, and so my friends stepped up, Josh offered to come to Drs Appointments with me, and when I ran out of class because of my morning sickness (which lasted most of the second trimester too), friends would often update my notes. These small gestures are easily forgotten in the grand scheme of things, but they meant an incredible amount to me, and I am emotional writing about them.

As I grew bigger, I hid my bump, feeling conscious about it and the social stigma that comes with young parents, but my friends would all get excited. I nicknamed my bump ‘blip’, though Josh nicknamed it Erich, and my friends Luke, Ben and George all went with Kaiser after we found out Theo was a boy. H and I thought we would have a daughter, but looking back, I can’t imagine it now, Theo Prana chose us to be his parents, and even though I’ve only been his mum for a short time, I know part of my purpose is exactly this; I was always meant to have a son, and it was always meant to be him.

In my second term mum visited for my 20 week scan (an interesting experience!) and H visited a week later. I booked us a private scan so he could see baby on the ultrasound and we saw there that he did not inherit my nose, something I know that H is grateful for! I made a trip to my cousins in Cardiff for Mother’s Day, and felt so very blessed and welcomed; despite the shock of everything, my Aunty K spoiled me beautifully and I started to get excited about my bump.

I was back in Gibraltar for the Easter break, and then uni one last time. Over Easter I really got excited; I was more than halfway into my pregnancy, had seen H a couple of times and I was planning to see him at least once more before the birth of our baby. I managed it in Hopton when he travelled down and I travelled up, for a couple of days with his whole family. By then I was definitely looking properly pregnant, though less so than his sister Amelia who was due that month (May). I honestly admire the dedication it takes to have 2 under 2, I know I couldn’t do it.

Before my Hopton trip however, my friends threw me a baby shower! It was the cutest and most lovely morning, and I was totally spoiled, as was Theo Prana. Hatty, Imogen and Gemma, my girls were there, Rhi couldn’t make it and Dani was in Manchester, but my yoga friends were there too. And of course my best guy friends, including Charles, George and Ben were there, Josh came to pick me up for the ‘surprise’ and we all had breakfast/brunch in a little cafe by my house. It was simple and sweet, and one of my best memories of uni.

A few days later I jetted off again and I had one of the most amazing experiences in Swindon. Mum was teaching their for a few days, and so I went up to see her and join in for a long weekend of yoga and good energy; if I had to pinpoint a highlight in my pregnancy, this was it! The days were long, but the energy and people were incredible. At the time, I was also taking my Hatha 1 training, and this reinforced a lot of what I had learned (thank you mum for basically being my solo guide), but it also moved me in ways I hadn’t imagined. I didn’t do all the Hatha, but I watched and saw the effect the postures have on people, joined in the Kirtan which I absolutely adore, had a Navajo ritual blessing for baby and met some incredible people.

On this trip I was gifted the best birth book every, I read it cover to cover at least 3 times, and this amazing booked about Dutch kids and Dutch parenting – they do it right! I learned so much and loved a lot; leaving the trip with a new sense of self. Anyone who’s been to a great yoga class, or been on a retreat will probably understand what I mean, but it’s difficult to quantify through words the impact the trip had on me. I gained another extended family, some of whom have also really formed part of my village this year.

After all these things (sorry for the mixed chronology), I did my last exams and my dad came to the UK and flew home with me. By this point I had 2 months left of my pregnancy and I wanted to make the most of it. I read a lot, did yoga and tried to just keep very calm. I had beach time, where I put my feet in the water, I swam when I could and sun-bathed a little, ate lots of ice cubes and spent quality time with my family. I had my Teacher Training Graduation, went to a Bright-Talks event, and just tried to keep inspired daily.

In all these pictures I am around 8 months pregnant! I think, in many ways I was in the best situation. Yes, I am young, and yes, it was unplanned, but I didn’t have to work until my labour day, I got to take the last 8 weeks of my pregnancy as slowly as I wanted, and make sure that my baby was healthy and happy every day.

**

Fast forward again to Theo Prana’s birth, and I am so grateful H was able to be there for it. It was a beautiful labour, though I do wish I could have held off the meds; but Theo Prana arrived safe and sound. My complications postpartum tested me immensely, but H was great and we enjoyed the time on our own with baby. He left quickly which I know was difficult, and I continued to slowly recuperate from birth and surgery and tried to get used to baby. It was hard, I was determined to breastfeed, but there was a day he was on the breast for 18 hours! I was exhausted, and honestly, hats off to every single woman who does this on their own and more than once – I admire the strength you have! Shoutout here to our family friend Tamsin; she was a massive support system for me with Theo Prana and our breastfeeding journey, and continues to inspire me daily with her resilience and dedication to her family.

Honestly, I don’t know how I’d have survived those weeks without my mum and dad, and brother to be fair; his bond with Theo Prana is really quite beautiful. The long nights and short naps left me drained, but my family took baby and encouraged me to sleep. They 100% supported my breastfeeding journey, never pushing me to ‘top-up’ or give in. The demand feeding almost killed me, or I thought it might, but my mum’s support and acknowledgement of my worry and exhaustion helped me keep going.

Things at uni are a little more blurry to be honest. R, my housemate was a huge source of encouragement and support in the initial weeks, especially when my dad wasn’t there. My friends were all smitten with baby, aside from Josh who was in his own world. A few friends were on placement years so we caught up occasionally, like Hatty who babysat for me while I taught yoga, and Imogen who I only caught up with me before Christmas. George, Ben and Luke met up with Theo Prana and I often for lunch dates, and Luke especially surprised me with his love for Theo Prana, eventually leading to him being my choice babysitter during an exam. George was my biggest support during lessons, and he consistently checked in and made sure I was doing okay; bonding with Theo Prana beautifully. Of all my friends, George was the best with him by miles.

Because baby was so small first term, I stayed home more and tried for a routine, which meant my social interactions were limited to lectures and the postpartum yoga classes I attended. Charles would take baby during the break of one of our lectures, and it was a relief because I knew he was safe but I could go to the loo, or eat something without worrying. One lesson, my tutor took Theo Prana and held him and she walked around to let me concentrate on the documentary we were watching. All my tutors were very supportive, and I feel very blessed to have had the staff support I did; they welcomed Theo Prana and I, always interacting with him or acknowledging his interest. He loved to pipe up at just the right moments, and looking back I am sure it was the universes way of making sure I didn’t stress overload. My personal tutor, having studied with babies as well, understood my situation and this made a massive difference to my mental health. I have been fortunate that Theo Prana is a good baby, and has generally been calm and happy (must be all the yoga his mummy did!) which I know has helped as well, but even still, I was a huge anomaly, bringing my baby to class, and I am grateful that I had the opportunity to do so .

Aside from attending yoga, I taught a Hatha class once a week, and had no formal childcare arrangements so every week I asked friends. Josh babysat a number of times, Hatty and George too and H did the one time he was around during my class time; mostly though, I asked Danielle. She has become more like family in our friendship and I knew I could 100% trust that Theo Prana would be fine with her. This worked out amazingly for me because I’d usually say to stay for dinner or meet earlier and do lunch also giving me some adult company. These classes brought me a little bit of sanity and solace because my personal practice was non-existent. I tried and the times I managed even some Sun Salutations or a quick stretch and some pranayama, the days felt brighter, but mostly, I was tired and Theo Prana didn’t really like staying on the yoga mat for long.

Before I began weaning him, my yoga mat was out as a space we could be together and play, but it was replaced with the blanket on the floor so that I could collect food he had dropped and wash the blanket rather than have to scrub at the floor. My friends were a little clueless when it came to weaning (understandably) and my family more traditional, but my tutor sparked my interest about Baby Led Weaning and so I turned to Facebook and Instagram. The information and support were incredible, and it really created an extension of my village to know I had other mums out there who I could talk to, even if they weren’t in the same area. It also became a huge comfort to me, raising my baby vegetarian, to learn and understand the best meals to give him; really a lot of it is common sense, but Theo Prana’s weaning journey made me quite a foodie, something I’m sure will kick in again when I am in Scotland.

Weaning happened during the second term of uni, and my parents visited for a lot of the term, plus I took a couple of weeks out in Gibraltar. Being at uni was tough, but as Theo Prana got more active and reactive, my friends became even more smitten. My friendship with Gemma grew a lot during the last few months and now we are planning a girls holiday! The last few weeks Theo Prana had the nursery, and I remember going out for lunch with some of the bigger group, and feeling so alone because my baby wasn’t there, but also liberated because I could eat and talk and not worry for a whole meal out! Luke went on and on about missing “the Kaiser”, which of course is Theo Prana’s official nickname according to him. There is absolutely nothing extraordinary that any one person did, but all the little things, the asking how we were, and also specifically how I was, the holding Theo Prana to give me a break, the genuine interest and the company; my friends kept me going.

**

Fast forward one last time. I am sat on my bed, writing this for the 3rd night, because there has been so much to say. I have cut out a lot, and if I haven’t mentioned you, it’s nothing personal! I trust that every single person who has been in my life, physically and via the internet, knows that they are part of the village that has seen me through this last year. I survived because I am an extremely determined woman, and I set my sights on finishing, but I know that without the support of everyone, especially my parents, I would have either become severely depressed or quit.

It feels like my parents have spent more time in the UK than in Gibraltar these past months, and they’ve spent hours and hours on the phone to me, never making me feel like I was a bother, or that they didn’t have time. My brother has stepped into his role and uncle and Theo Prana adores him, and I know they will all miss us when I leave, but I also know that this has been the goal, to see me do it, and to make sure I got here. You know how grateful I am.

One quick last shoutout – my cousins! Especially my cousin Bobby who has been a face of comfort and love constantly. I never really talk about them and I won’t go into detail but they have had a tough time too, but they have always welcomed us, been excited and shared love. Bobby has been someone I can count on, even just for a quick phone-call, and he one of the kindness people I know, and he is owed a great debt of thanks for his support and joy this year too.

It takes a village to raise a child, and I have been blessed with a huge one. More than that though, it takes a village to support a mum, and I have been gifted a support beyond any I could have imagined.

Thank you.

xxx Ro