I am currently up in the air with another hour left of my flight back to the UK and I would give almost anything to be on the ground at home in Gibraltar instead.

I am going back to a place where my room is everything; my room is my own space and nothing else. Actually, at the moment it feels like even my room is not sacred anymore, it has become a shared space. Because of this, at this precise moment in time, with my baby finally asleep on my lap (he’s not been a happy boy the last couple days), all I want is to fast forward to the part where going home means being greeted by H at the airport, or having him by my side… or in the cases where he’s away, I want to be able to go home to a place we share.

Don’t get me wrong, even though my heart is heavy as I write this, I am not unhappy with my life. I am blessed to have the life I do and I wouldn’t trade it… I am impatient and nostalgic but I am not unhappy. In fact, part of the reason I have decided to write this is to embrace my sadness.

I had a beautiful week at home – I had some quality time with my family; we celebrated Theo’s first Diwali, I caught up with a friend and I got to go to Satsang and see my yoga family (even got a hug from Aunty Nalanie 😊). I have had a brilliant time at home and even though travel is hard, I in no way regret making the trip. My family is my village and they really do make a huge difference in my life. I am sad that the week passed so quickly, but even through this sadness all I need to do is look at the tiny person in my arms and I know that the future holds good things – this trip back to university is a stepping stone.

I am raising a child but I myself am the one who is taking baby steps. Each day and week that passes my little boy grows and reaches his milestones; all the while I am closer to reaching mine… I have a few months left and then I will be finished with my degree. It feels like eons away but the reality is that I’ll soon be writing about my graduation and wondering where the time has gone.

I have a few days until H visits… then my parents are around for a couple days and then I’ll be alone for less than 3 weeks. There is a handful of weeks left until Christmas break. I may be sad to leave Gibraltar today but by this time next month I’ll be packing for home.

Embracing my emotions I will allow myself to feel this today, and then tomorrow, a new day, will be brighter and happier.