My first week of lectures has arrived. Theo Prana and I have been in the UK for almost 3 weeks now and my gosh this has been a change.

We flew over with my dad, who is currently here with me to help me settle in, and travelled to my grandparents so they could meet baby. This was sometime special because he is their first great grandson, joining 2 great granddaughters and I really wanted them to meet him. I am a fair distance away so don’t know when we will have that opportunity again.

Once back in Portsmouth we tried to sort ourselves out and I decided to dig out my Gina Ford book and have a look at it again. Before he arrived, I didn’t think that I could have such a regimented routine with Theo Prana, but actually when I used it as a guideline, it seemed to work quite well. Unfortunately, between Freshers Fayre, his first round of vaccinations and a (very welcome and happy) visit from his dad, Theo has been thrown out of wack a little and we are back to square 1. Earlier this week I could see that he was very confused and not the happy baby that I know he usually is for a few days, but we are working on it and I am hoping that he will settle soon. Thanks to my dad, I am staying fairly calm, and having him around has made a huge difference.

The first time Theo Prana cried for more than 10 minutes was in Gibraltar and I cried and cried too. I felt terrible, and didn’t have a clue what was wrong or how to settle him. Now, 4 weeks later, I am a lot more calm with him and know that eventually we will figure it out. It was only this weekend, after his vaccinations that I cried again because he wouldn’t settle and I felt like it was my fault. I didn’t know what was wrong or how to make it better… but I kept repeating “This Too Shall Pass” and even though the minutes felt like hours and the hours felt like days, it did pass, and he was fine.

We have definitely had some tough moments since he was born, and more so since being in the UK because I was on my own for a week before my dad flew back. Regardless, we have had some wonderful moments too; we had our first day of uni together, H got to give him his night feed, and this week we went to a mum and baby yoga class. Theo Prana is generally a very good and happy baby – I feel blessed and I am sure that the yoga and Kirtan has made a big difference.

Honestly the weekend with H was a mixture of emotions – we had to get used to being together again, and then as things started to feel normal, we were once again saying goodbye. I was nervous about seeing him after 7 weeks, and I was nervous about how Theo would react to him but they got really well and I fell more in love with H as I watched him with our son. Hopefully, he will be able to come down again soon so that he can have some more bonding time with Theo and also because I do miss him terribly. I don’t have a problem being on my own, and sometimes it’s easier because I just get on with everything but I do wish that he could have more time with us and I am looking forward to moving in with him and being a ‘proper’ family once I graduate.

Speaking of graduating, I knew it would be but my gosh university is going to be a major challenge! On many levels I am worried about how we will cope but even more than that I am determined to do it. My days usually start at 06:15, I meditate and if I can, express before feeding Theo, or if not, express after he is done. Then we have our days full of feeding, play, poop and sleep, and I hit the sack around 11pm. That said, recently we have had some lie in mornings until 07:30 and then I feel guilty for not starting the day properly but remind myself that my body is still recovering and I need rest too.

I do not want to fall into the trap of wanting to ‘bounce back’ because really, having a baby is no small feat. I know that women have done it for centuries and of course it is a natural process but it is also a big trauma for the body, and I want to make sure to nourish and love my body and mind, nomatter how hard that seems some days. Luckily, I have a good support system and my grounding in yoga does, I think make a huge difference in this.

My support system includes not only my family in Gibraltar but my in-laws too, and my yogi family, and friends here at university. I have my dad helping me at the moment and my housemates have been really great, plus a few of the guys on my course who check in with us regularly and are just genuinely really lovely people. The girl I live with, Rhi, has basically adopted Theo Prana and she has been dubbed Aunty Rhi. She has been a lifeline at points and I am truly grateful to be living with her this year. The boy, Dailen, though not a massive fan of my little miracle has been patient and provides great adult conversations and cups of tea. It seems weird that they are such a big part of life at the moment but in a years time I will live in a different house, on the other side of the country, living a very different life with my family.

Overall, I know that there is going to be some really hard moments over the next few months, and I know that there will be tears, but also that there will be lots of love, laughter and smiles. I keep this knowledge with me, and know that the hard times will pass. At the end of the day, I want to give Theo Prana the best possible, and I can only do that by taking care of myself as well. We will manage, and he will thrive, and when we graduate in July, it will have definitely been worth it.