Dear my Theo Prana,

You are 12 days old as I sit to type this. I have spent time staring at you and decided that maybe there is a small window of opportunity to try and write to you. It is easier to do this than write about your birth.

My gosh darling how much you have grown in these last days. I wish your dad was here to see it because even since he left you have developed so much. The days are a blur, meshing together as you cry, and feed and sleep.
It’s so hot here and I know you are uncomfortable, I wish I could take that away and make you feel better but please know I am doing my best for you. Every day you change your pattern and I am trying to adjust, you don’t know it know, but maybe if and when you have children of your own you’ll understand the work a baby is. I knew that my life would change but I hadn’t quite realised how much you would affect me.

Your Granny and Grandpa are amazing. We are still living with them, and we have exactly 5 weeks left here before travelling back to the UK for me to finish studying. The whole family have been wonderful, even after you threw up in Big Nani’s mouth, and despite Uncle Paul thinking you are a little boring because you sleep a lot – without them all, I know that having you would have been so very much more difficult. They are looking after us really well so that me and you have as much time together and I can focus entirely on you.

Sometimes I get sad because you don’t seem to settle with me. A few times the only person you will quieten for is your Granny but I think that that’s because of her calming energy. I hope that some of it rubs off on me before we go, because I don’t like seeing you so upset and it’s hard when I can’t make you feel better.

Still my darling, one day you’ll all the pictures and read all about your life – as much as I am able to document – and you will see how precious you are. You have the sweetest half smile, and a face like an old man, when you are fully fed you stick out your tongue slightly and have very full lips, and when you are alert you make an O shape with your mouth and look pensive. I could watch you for hours like this, with the expressions on your face changing. Sleeping away in your cot next to me you look like the most peaceful child and I hope that you can carry that through life. I want you to have peace, and joy, love and light in your life always.

Lots of love,
Mummy xxx