My hubby arrived!

Last Saturday I had a really weird night with cramps and back pain and a really bad need to go to the toilet – and all I could think was “please let this not be it… please let me last until Tuesday”.

I managed to make it – and now it’s Friday and I am still very pregnant.
That said, we’ve had a few questionable situations since then where I’ve wondered if maybe this was the start of labour, and been confused and disappointed when it wasn’t.

Tuesday my hubby arrived in the evening and was very glad to see me and bump still attached – it meant we got to spend the night snuggling (ish – it’s very hot here!) and be a couple.

Wednesday morning, I was up at 04:37 and spent an hour trying to go back to sleep – eventually I gave up and woke H up instead. We made love for the first time in months and it was wonderful to have the opportunity to be close physically like that again.
Afterwards … from about half six in the morning I started having contractions – not very strong ones but definitely noticeable … when this went on for a while I started timing them. All morning they kept going – we went for a walk, and they got stronger … and then we sat down for lunch and they stopped …. and disappeared.

It was SO frustrating!

But we went to Satsang, and we spent time together and have been trying to just enjoy our couple time instead… I do want to make the most of having him here after all.

Thursday I had some back pain and cramps in the evening but nothing major – the whole day was quite confusing though because after the possibility of labour, I have almost been just waiting for it without doing much else. We spent the day just being together and I had my second session of intravenous iron (I am very low so they are giving me a big boost) which probably contributed to my being tired and wanting a chilled day to be fair. Nonetheless, baby was super active, though he showed no real signs of vacating my belly.

Now it’s Friday – and it’s been almost a repeat of Tuesday except with more painful cramps and contractions but a lot further apart during the day. I have spend the day doing lots of walking and back stretches, lots of hip rotations and we went swimming too. We made love this morning, and I have been drinking cinnamon tea… mum also gave me a massage earlier with the hopes of helping things along.

I don’t want to chase the idea of labour and I am in 2 minds at the moment about it… on the one hand it’s something I am quite anxious about and want to happen – I am curious and excited and want to have the experience – plus I really want H to have as much time possible with baby before he leaves again. But, on the other hand, even with the back pain and tiredness and cramps and sharper contraction pains, I know baby is still preparing, and I want him to be as ready as possible before he comes into the world.. I want him to have a positive experience of being born and I want to be able to give him the trust and the time to know when he is ready to meet us. I also know my entire world will shift upside down and so I am enjoying have H as my husband while I can.

I did a visualisation of my cervix dilating and baby moving and wiggling out of me, and saw in my minds eye my newborn being given to me for skin to skin – but I did not visualise a time frame, rather my focus was on having a healthy and happy baby, and having a happy husband beside me too.

Mum is my birth partner and my advocate but she is giving me this time with him to have as a couple and prepare and I am so thankful for it, because rather than be worried now about how he will cope, I know he will be fine. He is doing his best and I know that things are never going to be perfect, but for now that is enough and more… I am really really blessed to have been given the opportunity for him to even be here 💓 and I want to make the most of that. I was so scared that he would miss this, and also scared that he wouldn’t and I would have to focus on him during the birth too – but despite being so far for so long, H has come here and done nothing but try and pamper baby and I. He is so excited to meet his son that every time we talk about it, or he kisses my belly, or talks to it, I fall a little more in love.