Dear Baby,

You have grown so much since I last sat down and thought about writing to you. All those months ago, you were a shock, and I was still not used to the idea of you inhabiting my body, let alone the major change you would bring to my life; but now, just over 1 week before you are due to arrive, I find myself reflecting on my pregnancy, and I have a few things to say before I finally meet you.

All those months ago I saw a lot of bad going on in the world, and it’s true, there is a lot of misery – the idea of it weighed me down, and I wrote that I was sad to be bringing you into a world of ‘fake news’, scaremongering, social media and greed. Months ago, I worried that when I turned on the television, all I could see was destruction. Things haven’t really changed all that much in the last 7 months, there is still a lot to be worried about – but what has changed is me.

You have helped me change.

I am only 20 and my youth left me frightened… I was scared that being so young I would not be a good mother to you; I felt helpless. The idea of you was one that while I found enchanting, seemed very surreal. Even though I wanted you, and I loved you so strongly just through the knowledge you were there, you were a being who was alien, and I feared you immensely.

Your conception was not a planned one my darling, and though I never want you to feel that you were/are unwanted, I will not hide from you that you did surprise your Dad and I. In fact, you turned our worlds upside-down. Months ago, this terrified me, but not anymore.

Today, I want to thank you.

I know now that you are the biggest blessing the universe could have ever given us and I feel privileged that you have chosen me to be your mum.

I am no longer unprepared; though I still have a lot to learn. I feel ready and excited now to meet you, and I cannot wait until you arrive. I have carried you for almost 9 full months and felt you grow and move inside me, I have felt the joys of pregnancy and soon I will experience the joy of motherhood.

You have changed me darling, in ways that I don’t think even I fully understand yet.

Throughout this time I have grown with you, both physically and mentally too – I have developed my yoga practice and hope to raise you in a yogic way, and I have worked hard at academia so that next year you will graduate with me. I wrote back then that I wanted to teach you how a smile can make the world a better place, but now, more than that I want to show you the impact a smile can have. Rather than teach you, I want to learn with you, and from you… and rather than worry about life, I want to rediscover it through your eyes.

My darling baby, I promised to love you unconditionally, and I already do. You are now the biggest part of my life, and I am excited to see you grow, and learn from you. The universe has given us to each other and so, before you are born I want to promise you once more, that no-matter what happens, I will protect you, and guide you, I will teach you and I will hold you close… my sweet baby, I will do my very best for you.

All my love,
Your mum xxx