“Have you made a birth plan?” …
“What does your birth plan contain?” …
“Don’t you think that’s something you should write in a birth plan?” …
“Why haven’t you made one?” …
“You should include that in your birth plan” …
These are some things I have been asked/told in the last few weeks – and while I totally understand that everyone around me is just trying to help and give advice, the reality is, advice is only wonderful when wanted.
Wait what? A first time mum doesn’t want advice!? *The world might implode…*
Of course this isn’t true; at least I don’t see it that way.
I do want advice – sometimes – and I have asked for it frequently over my pregnancy, but from people I trust, respect and admire. I want advice from people who I’ve seen raise their children, or whose children I know and love. I want advice from people who I hope to learn from – not from people who I don’t know, regardless of how much they want to give it.
The funny thing is, that once they ask (or interrogate) me about my birth plan, everyone says the same thing:
“Good luck! Nothing ever goes to plan anyway.”
So what is it about a birth plan that is so interesting anyway? Especially when most people say it doesn’t actually make a difference what you plan.
I think that most of the time, it’s just something to ask about, or perhaps something to compare. Many people will do things differently to me and I to them and sometimes there is an element of judgement but other times it’s curiosity – why have I decided this? Why made me think that?
Anyway, mine is extremely basic – it does not explain things like massage or essential oils, or dictate a specific kind of music. Quite frankly, these are details that can change easily and that I have little control over at the end of the day because if things go to pot, then I won’t get any of these frills. So instead, I’ve decided that I won’t get my hopes up and request anything specific.
The role of my birth plan is to inform my husband (who may or may not be present on the day) and my midwife of the medical decisions I have made.
These include my choices of pain medication, my preference regarding delivery of the placenta and cord clamping, the decision I have made regarding the Vitamin K vaccine and most importantly the name of my birth partner who will be my advocate through the entire process (my mum!).
Perhaps after I have had my baby, and I see other pregnant women I will feel the urge to ask about their plans too. Perhaps I will want to know what they think or I will wonder what they will do differently… but for my own sake, I do hope that I hold my tongue unless they ask!
Supporting you from pregnancy to parenting 