I dropped my husband off at the airport yesterday … I think I will refer to him as ‘H’ at points because if not saying husband or significant other etc. all the time is a bit odd.

He literally came to Gibraltar for a flying visit… arrived on Tuesday and left Saturday so we had 4 nights together. Still, in such a short space of time we did make the most of it and tried to get a few bits done… we talked a lot and of course, as is us, we argued too, but at the end of the day I am really really glad he made it over because I missed him.

I miss him again already.

He’s back at work now and I am not sure that I’ll see him again before the baby comes. In many ways, I resent this, because I see couples who, admittedly have had better timing, get loads of time together, and they experience the wonders and woes of pregnancy and birth and babies and family life all as a real couple. I sometimes don’t feel like we are a real couple because he lives away.

When he was over we had a party of sorts to celebrate baby and marriage and generally us… it was really lovely, even though he probably thought it was a bit useless, it was something we needed to do because my family/family friends didn’t really get to celebrate our wedding with us.

We hosted a small event at Bistro 292 in Main Street and hats off to them because they did a fantastic job! The food was wonderful and the staff are always friendly. We would have loved to put some music on and have a wedding slide show – which I made but didn’t work 😞. Still the evening was good… H interacted with a few people and the men mostly segregated themselves in conversation so we left them to their corner and I socialised mostly with the women’s table but tried to talk to everyoen as much as possible. The photo below is most of us, although some people left early.

Bless them they are all so lovely and have been so supportive with all the surprises recently. I am especially grateful to them for this for my mum because I know that we were both quite worried about how my baby news would be received. These people are my extended family, even if they are not blood relatives and have been so influential as we have grown up… but they are also traditionalists in many ways, and while we are together as a group, we have a lot of differences too! I had initially worried that they would judge my surprise but they have been wonderful and I think that they are partly the reason my mum was on board so quickly. Times like this do truly show us who the closest people we have are.

The rest of the days with my hubby honestly went by in a blur. I had my Yoga exam on Wednesday and he was absolutely exhausted from travelling and the party so he slept in the morning and spent time with my grandma in the afternoon while I took my exam. Then bless him he dressed up all smart and proper to meet me for a photoshoot and dinner – we did the first part but it was so bloody windy that we ended up having a snack and eating at home.

I will put the photos (as many as I can) up of the shoot when I get them. My mum’s friend Gerry did it for us, and she is going to do another one of my when I am massive and waddling 😂. I truly am lucky to have so many wonderful people supporting and helping and getting excited for me. In many ways, it is through them that I have given myself permission to feel happy and excited too.

We didn’t do much else really… watched a movie, went for lunch (H treated me which was very lovely of him), and we cuddled, talked, argued a little and made love. The few days we had were not enough, but we are used to having short hellos and long goodbyes… unfortunately that is what long distance relationships are like. Still, it was worth it.

I honestly don’t know why I get so annoyed sometimes. I feel like a terrible yogi when I look back because the practice of Ahimsa (non-violence) is not one I follow with ease – but it is all part of the journey I know. I am not saying I am physically violent, but I think emotionally, I get worried and annoyed and mean… it is something I most definitely have to work on.

Part of it is because he isn’t around so I am scared he won’t be involved – in fact, I know he won’t and that really hurts. Rationally I know it bothers him, but sometimes I feel like I have the short end of the stick. I want to work on that… practice my Yamas and Niyamas and show him that I care much more about the person he is that what my friends or family think… and show him that I know he wants to be involved. I want to be a wife he is proud of.

We are always going to fight… I have a very short fuse and he knows how to irritate me without trying… That said, my husband is a saint in his reactions to me… He very rarely reacts badly, and if he does, it’s a look of frustration or a slight change in his voice. He is calm and lets me go on and on until he can see I am done and then gets up and hugs me… His hugs make the world melt away and everything gets better. Even if I am still annoyed, I know that he loves me and that the is telling me that things are going to be okay… he is NOT a communicative person but his subtle actions are his way of talking I think.

It’s a wonder he ended up with me because I am not at all like him. I do know however, that even though we are dissimilar, I am so lucky to have him as my rock.

I hope to see him before August but at the moment we have no plans. If I don’t then the next time we get to say hello there will be a tiny human that is a bit of him and a bit of me in the world…. it’s actually an entirely scary but beautiful thought.

Theo and I miss him… I think Theo does anyway – through me I feel like he does sense a change in mood or presence. I definitely miss H, but I know that we are stronger than the distance between us and eventually, things will work out… for now our future plans are uncertain but we do know that our baby is coming and we love him. For now, that is enough.