I am a second year student at the moment and Theo (we decided a name for the bump) was a big surprise… but my plan is to continue my degree next year and come back for the 2 terms I am required to. I’m being optimistic and idealistic in some ways, but the goal is for Theo and I to graduate in July 2018 – we’ll get him a little gown and everything!

That said, university is not easy.

I have struggled this year – partially due to morning sickness and wedding planning stress – with the jump in expectations and have seen myself go from a student who averaged 72% last year, to one who’s averaging 64% this year. I have 7 grades still to get, some pending and some because I haven’t taken my exams yet, but there is still a significant drop. I want an overall 2.1 at least so after we talked about it, my husband and I decided that he would apply for 15 weeks off work on parental leave so that he could be around for my first term.

My husband works away so this time was important, not only because I will want some help, but also because it gave him a chance to develop a relationship with Theo… and gave us a chance to be parents under the same roof for at least a few months. The plan was that he’d go back to work in January and I would finish my 12 week term, go home for a few months and then after graduation, move in with him.

Lest to say, the fact that yesterday was a bad day means that a lot of this has just gone to pot. Work has said that because I do not work (full time student over here), he is not eligible for the time off… which basically means he gets the standard 2 weeks paternity leave and then we are on our own. The university has a nursery so I get to use that from January (policy is no baby under 6 months) but until then, Theo and I will be on our own for the most part.

My parents and extended family are amazing and they have all offered loads of help, which I am sure I will need and will take but that isn’t the point… the point is that we were meant to be a family and now my husband has to essentially miss the first year of his son growing up. He would have missed bits anyway, but I felt like those few months would make a difference.

Yesterday, to process this, I ate an entire tub of vanilla ice cream (and felt pretty crap after) and ended up watching like 4 episodes of Greys Anatomy. It was only 4 because I was moving my belongings into the room next door where Theo and I will live next year… but it was still fairly unproductive because I was giving myself some time to feel like crap basically.

But today is a new day!

I have a presentation tomorrow morning, and I have a yoga class later today. I have chores and reading and I do not have time to wallow in self pity. More than that, I am a yogi, and I know in my heart that the universe has a plan so I need to get up, smile and make sure that I don’t let yesterday’s bad turn affect today.

My tattoo is very apt, and I might not always do it but I try to keep this as a motto of life: